Part 24 (1/2)
”Yes, that is it And the tiredness comes from mental strain Poor Mary! It seems so hard for her to be happy, yet in all her life she has never lacked anything she wanted save one, and even that I aet yet, if only she has the patience to wait for it”
Katherine's heart gave a painful bound What was this one thing that Mary Selincourt wanted but could not have-yet? But she could not answer the question with any satisfaction to herself, and she stood silently watching while Mr Selincourt took his place in the boat Then she turned and went back up the path again: but her feet dragged in spite of herself; it was as if so to meet a heartache
Mary welcoed a comfortable chair nearer the couch ”Come and sit here, you poor, tired Katherine What a shame that you should have had to toil all day, until your very feet ache with tiredness, while I have lain here and sighed because the hours crept along so slowly!”
”But that is only because you could not use your foot; you don't find tiet about,” Katherine reainst the cushi+ons with a sigh of content, for the chair was of a restful pattern, and she was tired enough to feel the cushi+ons a welcome luxury
”No, indeed, I can always make sure of interest and amusement when I have two feet available for service, but I was not cut out for the peaceful avocation of the couch invalid, and I just loathe inaction I would rather have had your day,” Mary said with a sigh
”Are you sure? To begin with, you don't knohat sort of a day I have had, and to continue, you have never had to work for your living, and don't kno it feels,” Katherine rejoined, thinking of the stuffy heat of the store, the flies, the pickled pork, and the molasses, which had all tried her patience so sorely in the latter part of the day
Mary's face took on an injured expression ”Do you think it is quite kind of you to taunttasted the sweets of independence?” she asked
”But you are independent of the necessity to toil,” said Katherine
”That is not true independence Riches ht break, investments fail, then where should I be? I aiven me the use of money I have never earned But you are different; you can carve your own destiny, and are e in any suchof you,” broke in Katherine, with a little griain the soap and the brimstone which had offended her so much in the store ”I set out to be a school teacher, and came home fro how teaching ought to be done, and how I meant to do it The first disappointe obtainable, except Miles and Phil; for it is very hard to theorize upon one's own kith and kin, at least I found it so Night school, also, is not an easy practice-ground for new methods, which was disappointment number two; and then came Father's illness, which has settled once and for all the question of ed me up to the business of the store, whether I would or no So how can I carve my own destiny, pray?”
Mary clapped her hands ”Why, can't you see that is what you are doing all the time? In spite of adverse circumstances you have done your very utmost, and consequently your very best You have been brave, patient, cheerful, and always you have spent yourself for others until--”
”Oh, spareelse!” cried Katherine i hot, and herto many a time when she had been neither brave, nor patient, nor cheerful
”Yes, of course ill talk of so else, and now you shall have the reverse of the picture, for I want to talk about myself,” Mary said, with a quick flush which made the heart of the other turn chill and cold, with dread of whatnext
”Self is a sorry subject for over-much meditation, don't you think? And introspection is very bad for invalids,” Katherine said nervously
”I'm not an invalid, not in that sense at least; I a twisted my ankle But I simply must confide in somebody, or I don't knoill happen to h concerning me already; while if I tried to tell Mrs Burton she would be so shocked that she would refuse to come and look after et about and look after h her heart was heavy as lead It was plain she would have to be taken into confidence whether she would or no It was equally plain that she would have to face the consequences afterwards, for she was not the sort of girl ould be untrue to herself
”So you have no scruples about shocking me? Or is it that you think I am not easily shocked?”
”A little of both, I think,” Mary replied with a sigh of relief ”The fact is, you are so strong and brave that you inspire confidence”
”Is that rateful?” asked Katherine
”That is as you please But tell someone I must, or I think the miserable business ear me out, for I cannot sleep Katherine, I was nearly suicide andin the tide-hole”
”What nonsense! What will you be saying next?” cried Katherine with forced cheerfulness; but the colour faded fro nonsense, but unvarnished truth I h, and Mr Ferrars need have suffered no inconvenience save a wetting, but forbefore the water reached the place where I had fallen”
”But why--?” began Katherine, then stopped short, re that she did not want to ask questions, nor to seek infor to say?” said Mary ”Because I would not let myself be The fact is, down at the botto more My life has been so sheltered and easy, too, that there has been nothing to stir into activity any latent bravery that I ht have had Mr Ferrars could not reach e where I was lying by sheer force As it was, he waited in the water for a long lih for hih; I realized that in another ed into the water, whether I would or no, and I just felt that I could not bear it: so I sprang up with a wild iotten my twisted ankle, the pain from which was so intense that I reeled, lost my balance, and was into the water all in a ht have felt like that, and acted just the same under the circumstances,” said Katherine, pitifully This confession was so utterly different frohter in spite of herself
Mary laughed in a dreary, mirthless fashi+on ”Do you know it is a bitter humiliation to me to owe my life to Jervis Ferrars?” she said brusquely
”Why?” deed froed over Mary's face; it was not often she blushed, but now she was crimson ”I don't think I can tell you that,” she replied unsteadily ”In any case it is immaterial to the story, except that he once asked rant; and for that I have been sorry ever since, which shows the contrary-mindedness of women, don't you think?”