Part 20 (2/2)
”Stand aside? How?” Katherine kept her voice steady by an effort, while her thoughts flew back to that evening when Jervis Ferrars had taken her up to Ochre Lake, and had talked to her of the struggles and hardshi+ps of his life She had been so happy that evening, and every day since had been like a festival There had been no need to put things into words: she had known that night that Jervis Ferrars cared for her; she had been equally well assured that she cared for hiht with it a rest and contentment such as she had never known before But if what her sister said was correct, then itworse than selfish even, to take this good thing which was offered to her; and the standing-aside idea would have to be very carefully considered
Mrs Burton rolled up her abundant hair, and poked in half a dozen hairpins to keep it in place Then she said: ”You are sothan Mary, and you have so much more charm of manner! It is easy to see that Mr Ferrars is attracted by you, because his eyes always follow you every time you move Then you saved his life at considerable risk, which, of course, is tremendously in your favour, or would be, if you cared about him But if you don't really want to marry him it would be kind to stand back and let Mary have a chance Of course it would be an ihter, for I fancy he is very poor, although he is such a cultured gentlereat deal of difference in the comfort of one's daily life”
”Indeed it does, ument is not half bad, and is orth my best consideration, which it shall have,” said Katherine; then giving her sister a good-night kiss, she dived into bed and promptly went to sleep, or at least pretended to do so, which was the sa in its effect on Mrs Burton, who soon went to sleep herself
In reality there was little rest for Katherine that night, for she was faced by a problem that had never even occurred to her before If she followed the desire of her own heart, she stood in the way of two people True, she ht make Jervis Ferrars happy with her love, more especially as she was quite sure that he cared for her But would there ever coht be te for the power that ht of the northern suht, which was never in that month quite dark, Katherine faced the future with a steady, single-hearted desire to do the right thing at all costs She felt herself doubly bound Her own love for Jervishim to bind himself to a life of poverty, or at least a life of continuous struggle, such as
But Jervis was only one consideration There was Mary also to be thought of And then it flashed upon Katherine that Mary had even more claim upon her than Jervis Ever since 'Duke Radford had been stricken down, robbed of , and the power to think and act for himself, Katherine had carried her father's sin as if it were a wrongdoing of her own He had implored her to expiate it if she could But how could she? Even the saving grace of confession was denied to her, for she could not go to Mr Selincourt and say: ”My father did you a bitter wrong ive him, and say no more about it!”
It was true that she and Phil had saved the rich , but there had been little personal risk for herself in the h it had been very hard work, and there were scars on her hands still where the ropes had cut into the skin Hard as not self-sacrifice, however, and as Katherine understood things it was only by self-sacrifice that she could expiate her father's sin, if indeed it ever could be expiated
Could she do it? Lying there in theoutside the open , she told herself 'No': she could not do it, she could not stand aside and give up to another what she wanted so badly for herself But, as the slow hours stole by, a different ht of the Saviour of the world, and the sacrifices he had race to tread the thorny path of self-immolation, if such action should be required of her
She dared not rise to kneel and pray, the little bedrooh she often yearned for a room, however s her hands on her breast, she prayed for strength to do as right, for guidance in the way she had to go, and wisdom to see the true from the false Then, because her day's work had an to dreae of Mary Selincourt with Jervis Ferrars, and that it was her place to give away the bride She was doing her part, as she believed, faithfully and well, although the dragging pain at her heart was ale service had been reached where the ring should have been put on Mary's hand, when, to her aer
”Katherine, Katherine, how soundly you sleep, dear! Wake up, we are quite late this !” said Mrs Burton, and Katherine opened her tired, heavy eyes to find that Beth and Lotta were enjoying a lively pillow fight on the other bed, and that their mother was already half-dressed
For onethat she had not to rise to work, to struggle, and to endure; but the nexther face into a basin of cold water, which is, after all, the very best way of gathering up a little courage
When she was dressed and out in the fresh air things did not look so bad Mrs Burtonthat Mary cared for Jervis Ferrars In the broad light of the sunshi+ny hter had a wide circle to choose from; it was scarcely likely that her choice would fall on a poor man, whose position was little removed from that of a Hudson Bay fisherman
Of course it was absurd! Mrs Burton ht, and she herself was unco at all
When Katherine reached this point in her htened up, and she was ready to face anything the day reat factor in one's life; and when that is secured it is easy to ht of the ordinary ills, troubles, cares, and vexations which are sure to crop up even in the smoothest kind of existence But she uide her in gaining an insight into Mary's heart SheIt was not easy to see just how she would be able to do this; but it must be done, of course it must be done!
The day passed in a feverish round of incessant work One hour Katherine was happy as of old, the next hour she was horribly heartsick and oppressed But it never once occurred to her that the reason for this was her exhausted condition fro Jervis came up from Seal Cove, sat and talked with 'Duke Radford for half an hour, then asked Katherine to come and ith hi ripe But she refused, declaring that her head ached, which, although true, was not the real reason by anytoo hard this week,” he said kindly ”I have been very ht myself, or I would have cos back for a few days? As soon as the steaone I shall be quite at leisure, and will put in a day or two at helping you to get your stores stoay”
”It has been hard work, and of course we are to a certain extent novices at it,” Katherine answered ”But the worst is over now until the next boat coain, only of course by then we shall be o to bed early and get a good night's rest, or I shall be having you for a patient next, and I am very much afraid you would not prove a tractable one,” he said, more troubled by her pale cheeks and weary looks than he cared to confess
”I have never been ill in my life, so I have no idea how the role of invalid would suithow very pleasant a stroll in the woods would have been after her long, hard day of work in the stockrooms
”I don't think it would suit you at all,” he replied Then he said, as he rose to go: ”As you are not inclined for a walk, I will go and have a talk with Mr Selincourt about the plans for the fish-curing sheds”
Standing aside was dismal work, Katherine told herself; and there were tears on her pillohen she went to sleep that night
CHAPTER XIX
An Aard Fix