Arifureta Vol 7 Chapter 5 (2/2)

“… To believe in what I want to believe in.”

Aiko contemplated in Foss’s words. Aiko’s mind was currently filled with regret and guilt which became a bud of doubt in Hajime as the hatred swirled around. Hajime was certainly Aiko’s important student, but s.h.i.+mizu who was also a similarly an important student to her was murdered. The moment she understood he was an existence who, according to situation, would deprive the other students of their lives. She recognized Hajime as a threat who would deprive her of her important people. Even so, Hajime was also her student, she couldn’t simply cast him away. It was the same reason why she couldn’t just abandon s.h.i.+mizu, who tried to commit ma.s.s murder. That’s why she was confused since because didn’t know what to do. Though Aiko herself thought she had a difficult personality, she couldn’t help it. Hatayama Aiko was a ‘teacher,’ after all.

Foss didn’t know what happened to Aiko. He didn’t know she was, in a certain sense, believing too much in what she wanted to believe in. Even so, he could see she had committed a large blunder since she couldn’t move on after what she believed in had collapsed.

While he was lost in thought, Aiko’s hands had stopped from partaking of her meal and began to get absorbed in her thoughts.

(To believe in what I want to believe in. I wonder… what is it that I want to believe in? One of the things is that I want all of the students to return to j.a.pan. However, it’s something that can no longer be fulfilled. Now what I want to believe in is for it to be possible to return home without any more losses…

His story. His story where a cla.s.smate tried to kill him. I do not want to believe it… he even said he will kill us if we were to become a hindrance to him. Towards a human who unhesitatingly murdered a person… Towards the enemy who threatened the students…

Even so, I do not want to believe it. Nevertheless, he actually killed him… killed s.h.i.+mizu-kun without any hint of hesitation. That’s why he’s already… no, I must believe in what I want to believe in.)

Aiko closed her eyes as she tried to hold down the resurfaced dark feelings. The surrounding people were anxiously looking at her as she moved slightly while thinking of something.

(‘Because he’s an enemy’ is what he said, and ‘I have no time for that’. He also feared s.h.i.+mizu-kun will once again attack him and his important people if he let him live. That was something anyone would have thought of.

In reality, Yue-san and s.h.i.+a-san wouldn’t put so much trust in him if he was a cruel man. He only wanted to cut off the source of anxiety for the future of those children… It was why he couldn’t let him live. In other words, he thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything about s.h.i.+mizu-kun…

To let s.h.i.+mizu-kun live would mean I should have at least showed him I could reform s.h.i.+mizu-kun, in which I didn’t… In the end, I was powerless… s.h.i.+mizu-kun was… Even so, to be killed in that manner… It meant s.h.i.+mizu-kun was already weakene—… Kh.)

There was a clear reason why Hajime shot s.h.i.+mizu dead. He was not a broken human who would think nothing of murder. He was not a monster who couldn’t be understood. He wasn’t an enemy who blindly harm the students. Aiko decided to believe in him because he was a ‘student’, and her words could still reach him. With such thinking process, she recalled the shocking scene where a student shot another student to death, and she tried to search for the reason behind it.

(That’s right. I had forgotten it until now. To begin with, I was the one who asked him to help the dying s.h.i.+mizu-kun, and that was the result. s.h.i.+mizu-kun would have died even if he didn’t do anything. It was completely unnecessary for him to purposely shoot him! So why?! Why did he do that?! To make sure he dies? No, there’s no need for him to do such a thing. That child only had a few minutes left to live, it was why I asked him for his help, but there’s nothing more left to be done. After all, there was nothing I could do… s.h.i.+mizu-kun was shot because of me— Kh!?)

Aiko opened her eyes widel She was aghast by the truth she had just noticed.

(… That’s right. s.h.i.+mizu-kun received the wound from the attack aimed at me. If nothing was done during that time, I would have surely died. It was my fault he had to die! But everyone was convinced s.h.i.+mizu-kun was killed by him! He was the one who convinced us of it!)

It was her fault, it was her who killed her own student. Just like Hajime feared, Aiko finally realized the truth and paled in an instant. The existence of her students were Aiko’s supporting pillars. The fact that she was the cause of one of her student’s death broke Aiko’s mind. The impact of the fact made her mind unintentionally turn on its defensive mechanism, and Aiko’s mind blanked out. With her outlook wrapped in darkness, she thought of giving herself to the darkness. However, the words Hajime left behind revived her mind.

“If possible, please don’t get demoralized.”

At that time, her mind didn’t understand it because of consecutive impacts. Even though it was troublesome to think well of the meaning behind those words, they were simple words if she thought hard enough.

(If, if he said those words because he had predicted my situation… Wasn’t he worrying about me?… I, he noticed I would break down because I realized I was the cause of s.h.i.+mizu-kun’s death. That was the reason why… he unnecessarily shot him… to convince us it was he who killed him… so I wouldn’t be crushed by guilt… to keep being a teacher…)

Aiko understood Hajime’s sense of values. Therefore, she didn’t think it was done entirely for her sake. Even so, there’s no denying Hajime had rushed into action because he thought of Aiko. The closing of the door in Aiko’s mind was immediately stopped right before it completely shut, and it began to slowly open once again. Her narrowed view once again broadened. Though there was still the cold feeling like one of the coldest season inside her mind, but at the same time, there certainly was a small fire present.

(Looks like I was being protected by him… No, not only him, but a lot of people have protected me. The children by my side are protecting me even now. I only thought of protecting him, but I didn’t realize I was also being protected… How immature of me. That’s now’s not the right time for me to keep trying to be independent…)

Aiko wore a resolute expression. However, her thoughts involving s.h.i.+mizu-kun and the fact that she was the reason he was killed wouldn’t disappear for the rest of her life. Even so, she couldn’t just stand still because there were students who adored and relied on her as their teacher; she didn’t want to. Aiko renewed her vow to do the things she could do as a ‘teacher’, even if the world had changed. In addition, she also engraved in her mind to not let her current ideals be shaken. There is already, without a doubt, fear or grudge against Hajime.

(He’s a clumsy one… He understood I might hold a grudge against him, or I might even become his enemy… Now that I think about it, he received my words and it looked like he thought it over seriously… Could this possibly be his way of returning a favor?

When I think back, I’ve only been saved by him. He told me the truth, and in the end, he even saved this town. Moreover, during the battle, he fulfilled his promise and brought s.h.i.+mizu-kun back. If I reconsidered those things, I’ve only been unreasonable. I only talked of my ideals… and I’ve pressured him with that… How truly immature of me. Even so, he saved us… even though his way of thinking is cold… Looks like parts of his previous self still remained… No, at the very least, he regained some of them, right? Could it be because of those girls?)

Once again, Aiko smiled wryly as she thought of becoming indebted to him. Even though her immaturity was shameful as teacher, she smiled as remembered the Hajime who had sluggish status in the beginning, transforming into a truly dependable man. Thus, even though Hajime had completely changed, she felt happy when she caught a glimpse of his previous self.

But at the moment, she guessed the reasons were Yue and s.h.i.+a, the girls who were always close to Hajime’s side. Aiko somehow felt a pain in her heart. Aiko inclined her neck, but she immediately thought of it as nothing but her imagination.

(Incidentally, I still haven’t said my thanks to s.h.i.+a-san who protected me. Even though she is someone I owe my life to… Next time, I must properly make sure to thank her… In addition, I also owe my life to him…)

About the poison and the raging development, Aiko reflected. She had not thanked s.h.i.+a, and the other benefactor of her life, Hajime. It was only now that she recalled something sealed in the corner of her memory, and she blushed as though fire came out of her face.

(Th-That’s just an artificial respiration! A lifesaving measure! There’s absolutely nothing more than that! I-It’s not like such an intense thing was my first time. I never thought of it as pleasant! Yup, I absolutely never thought of it like that!)

When she thought of the reason behind her flushed face, Aiko suddenly began to beat the table. She repeated her excuse to no one in particular.

In addition, even though Aiko was an adult, she didn’t have any experience in love. Even so, it was true that with her lovely looks, speech, and behavior changed, becoming like someone who was seriously in love. After all, in j.a.pan, there were only ‘gentlemen,’ who treated her seriously because of her teenage-like appearance. Aiko knew there were a lot of men who thought of her appearance as good, but most of them ended up as good friends because none of them wanted to experience shame in being labeled as something beginning with ‘Lo’.

Since it was not unusual for people in their earlier teens to marry in this world, no one was bothered by Aiko’s short height and childish face; the so-called a little girl’s appearance. So even though David and the other Knights were serious,… her small experience in love and her small stature made her believe no man would be interested in her, since she didn’t even notice the love call clearly sent by men from this different world.

Thus, the mouth to mouth life-saving measure Hajime had quite the impact on Aiko. She calmed her mind, and once again recalled the things that wouldn’t get out of her head.

(… To begin with, he already has girlfriends named Yue and s.h.i.+a… There were already two, so it doesn’t matter if it increases by one. Just what I am saying?! I am a teacher! He’s a student! Wait, that’s not the problem! It’s not like he thinks of me like that! Besides, he somehow managed to casually two-time! Illicit s.e.xual relations.h.i.+ps are forbidden! That’s insincere! Love should only be one way!… To have two at the same time… Kh, how shameless! I won’t allow such immoral relations.h.i.+ps! Hmph, I won’t allow it!)

The sound of her beating the table became louder.

(… But his feelings towards Yue-san is quite special. Though her style isn’t so different from me… Could it be that h-he likes child-like women? F-For example, like me? No, no, no, what am I thinking! So what if I know his tastes! To begin with, he is eight years younger… Now that I think about it, aren’t people from the Vampire race like Yue-san have a long lifespan? In other words, he likes child-like older woman? Wait, so what if I knew that! Return to your senses, Hatayama Aiko! You are a teacher! He is a student! You are disqualified as a teacher if a little kiss makes you confused!)

Maybe because she was done beating the table, she held her face with both hands, began shaking her head while saying ‘No, no’, once again she beat the table, continued with another ‘No, no’, and finally she shouted “I am a teacher—!!,” as she began to pound the table with her forehead.

As expected, even the students and bodyguard Knights; the group who loves Aiko, was taken aback by her eccentric behavior. When Foss noticed Aiko, who started a one-man show, he said, “Oh my, looks like you’ve cheered up,” with his unchanging calm smile. What a big person.

Afterwards, Aiko was able to come to terms with her feelings towards Hajime about this and that, and self-concluded that was only a temporary hesitation caused by unstable emotion. Thus, there’s no change, Hajime was her student. While it was necessary to deliver information about Hajime to the top management in Church of the Saint and the Kingdom, she also needed to be prepared to protect Hajime from them in case of emergency, since she was determined to return to the Kingdom.

Aiko didn’t notice it. The thing about Hajime wasn’t concluded, it was just put on hold. While she called the students in her mind as “that child,” only Hajime was called “he.”

Thus the feeling began to bud. The time when Aiko finally took notice of it would be a little bit more in the future…

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