Part 18 (1/2)

Only a few days after she had first visited hireatly excited condition

”Doctor,” she cried, ”the strangest, the , after breakfast, I went up-stairs, intending to lie down for a time, as I felt so utterly exhausted I think I fell asleep, but ah, that two hours afterward I foundin the post-office, about to mail to you a letter which I am certain I did not write, but which is plainly inIt is such a queer letter, too, for it speaks of , and even refers to h I were somebody else, and somebody else were I What does this mean? What does it er story to relate

”Yesterday afternoon,” she said, ”I went for a walk, not because I wanted to, but because you had told ht to take some exercise I returned hoht toof what then happened until, in the evening, I suddenly beca wine--which is contrary to arette Never in , and my humiliation at the discovery was deep and keen

”I assure you, onan invitation to dine out, of dressing for dinner, or of leaving the house to attend the party Everything is a blank to me from the moment I went to my room, in the afternoon, until I caroup about arette ininsane?”

The physician hastened to reassure her, but nevertheless he felt seriously alarhly dissociated condition, and that she had becoht out the weirdest and most uncanny of conflicts--a duel between two separate selves for absolute supreans of her body

Further, it soon developed that the advantage would lie with the secondary self--which Doctor Prince called her B self--because, although her ordinary, or A self, suffered fro her actions when in the B state, the B self had aout of this recurring forgetfulness on A's part ined As the patient herself has since expressed it, in an autobiographical account written at Doctor Prince's request:[44]

[44] This autobiographical account was first published in the _Journal of Abnorht out in book forer, the Boston publisher, under the title, ”My Life as a Dissociated Personality,” and with an introduction by Doctor Prince It is an account orth reading by all students of psychology

”The amnesia ave me, I think it would have been ione truly ive any clear idea of what it is to wake suddenly, as it were, and not to know the day of the week, the tiiven position? I would come to myself as A, perhaps on the street, with no idea of where I had been, or where I was going; fortunate if I foundon a conversation I knew nothing of what it had been; fortunate, indeed, in that case, if I did not contradict sos was quite the opposite of that taken by A”

Picture to yourself, my reader, how you would feel if, for a few hours almost every day, and sometimes for whole days at a stretch, you became virtually nonexistent, yet were made to realize, fro or a soanis in your place, and in a way utterly unlike your natural self This was the state of affairs with Doctor Prince's luckless patient In ht, and controlling ideas, her secondary personality was the very reverse of that which had been doht medical advice

There even were pronounced physical differences Whenever she was in the A state, she was extre afflicted now by one, now by another, of the multifarious functional disturbances that accohtest effort A walk of a few hundred yards would be alh to prostrate her

In the B state, on the contrary, she did not know the ly incapable of feeling fatigue She would walk for htest distress, was constantly on the go, and appeared to be in every way an exceptionally robust, healthy woman Thus, physically, she was--as B--a decided improvement over herself as A But with respect to psychical differences it was altogether another matter

In the A state, she was kind, considerate of others, self-sacrificing, animated by a keen sense of, and devotion to, duty; profoundly stirred by any tale of sorrow or suffering, andtortured at tiree by htless, and cold; oneHere is the way she herself has put it:

”As B, I felt no e the word pleasure as , walking, boating, etc; but s was very keen

As B, I was always the gayest of the co The little acts of affection which we all perfor hands with one's friends, kissing or e to me

Ordinarily, I think, when one shakes hands with a friend, one feels the individuality of the person, ; but, as B, ita piece of wood, and the acts of shaking hands, e were all alike--it made no difference to me which I did--oneapplied only to people, for I loved the outside world; the trees, the water, the sky, and the wind seemed to be a very part of myself But the emotions by which as A I was torn to shreds, as B I did not feel at all”

In still further contrast, this iddy, irresponsible, and frivolous In the A state, she wassuch excellent literature as the works of Shakespeare, Hugo, Ibsen, Tolstoi, and Maeterlinck All this, B found very tiresohtest kind of fiction, when she read at all

In matters of dress and social pleasures, A and B were also diaht to wear black; B, who seeht to the dead husband, detested black, and, on the other hand, had a really abnor for white So that, as the two selves alternated in control, the strange spectacle was presented of the sa, at another dressed in soown

To cap the cli her other self in ements which she knew that, as A, she would not like to keep; she cultivated friendshi+ps with people hom, as A, she had little desire to associate; she astefully extravagant, freely spending on useless articles ainst a rainy day; she indulged in innu, practical jokes at A's expense

For exa to find on her pillow or dressing-table notes advising her jeeringly to ”cheer up,” to ”weep no more,” and not to ”bother Doctor Prince so ht, having changed to the B state while she slept, awakened as B, risen, and penned the notes, and then returned to bed, to fall asleep once , awake as A, with no

The flood of notes continuing, she began to destroy thee B's an to affix the notes to the center of herher to be sure to read the that they contained--as they sometimes did--information of importance to her

But the best idea of the topsyturvy, kaleidoscopic, almost incredible life led by this wo a few extracts from a diary kept jointly by the two personalities, at Doctor Prince's suggestion Unique as a record of human experiences, it had a distinctly practical value, for it enabled A to keep track of what she had been doing while B was in control B, of course, had no need of it for this purpose, since, as was said, she did not suffer from loss of meical order; but, for the present purpose, that is uniht, B, I am I , I had a faciala mass of wrinkles I know A doesn't care how she looks, but I do

The Q's spent the evening here, and I so and tell Doctor Prince; you don't have to tell hih I _h another day B has told what she did How _can_ I bear it? How explain? I as which sofor B's 'fun' It is not to be borne”

”A terrible day--one of the worst for a long time I _cannot_ live this way; it is not to be expected I am so confused I have lost so much time now that I can't seem to catch up What is the end to be? What will become of me?”