86 Expectation and Loneliness (2/2)

”Why?” Charles asked.

”You know, I…really hate it when other people have high expectations for me.” Organizing his thoughts, Ye Qingxuan said quietly, ”To me, expectations and anticipations make me feel that if I don’t do something, if I don’t reach a goal, or don’t change myself, I’ll be a big failure.” He thought about the priest and his professor’s face and he could not help but sigh. ”The more highly people think of you, the more disappointed they will get. Since that’s the case, why do they still have high expectations?”

”…That’s what you’re worried about?” Charles muttered. ”Don’t be so zhong’er, Yezi.”

”What’s zhong’er?”

”It’s a disease that lowers your intelligence and turns you into a hipster. In the late stages, you’ll think that only you can save the world. You’ll take on the big demon for your girl, or you’ll just want to destroy the world…”

”That sounds pretty good?”

”It’s actually not that bad.” Charles sighed and scratched his head. After a long time, he looked up. ”Yezi, you’re already seventeen years old. I don’t know how to tell you this: expectations might not be a good thing, but if you don’t want people to have high expectations, you’ll…be lonely.”

”There’s nothing wrong with being lonely,” Ye Qingxuan murmured. ”I’m happy when I’m alone too.”

Hearing this, Charles laughed as if it were a naïve joke. ”Yezi, you can be happy, and you can be lonely. But it’s impossible to be happy and lonely…” Quietly, he said, ”…You’re lying to yourself.”

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Yunlou Chaoyue strolled down the quiet alley at dusk. She gazed around at the strange landscape of the foreign city. She lowered her head, measuring the length of each tile with her footsteps.

Behind her, the old servant followed her every step. Watching the princess’s backside, she wanted to speak but hesitated.

”What’s wrong, Nanny?” Yunlou Chaoyue gazed at her. ”Is there something you want to say to me?”

The nanny lowered her head and advised softly, ”Princess, you are a descendant of the skies, but this is a barbaric land. If something happens…”

Yunlou Chaoyue shook her head. ”There’s no one else here. Nanny, you don’t need to call me by my title.”

”But you are the Princess, how…”

Hearing her words, Yunlou Chaoyue nodded, suddenly realizing, ”It seems that Yunlou Qingxi hasn’t told you anything.”

The old servant’s features tightened. After a long time, she finally moved her lips. ”P-princess, you are joking again.”

”I am not joking.” Yunlou Chaoyue halted in the quiet alley and looked back at her. ”Isn’t your loyalty to my ‘uncle,’ the ‘true ruler’ of Yunlou City?”

The servant gazed at her silently. There was a pause before the fear in her eyes settled and turned cold. ”Nothing escapes the princess’s eyes, as expected. But I don’t understand where I was mistaken.”

The girl shook her head. ”Nanny, you have done well. You are loyal and a hard worker. There is no mistake.”

”Then why…”

”Nanny, do you know that the Westerners have a saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul?” Yunlou Chaoyue looked into her eyes, her gaze still cool as ever. ”This saying is very accurate. Every time I look at your eyes, I feel that you are hiding something in your heart.”

Taken aback, the servant sighed. ”I see. Have you known…since the beginning?” She raised a hand and removed her hairpin, freeing her salt-and-pepper hair. Accompanied by the popping of joints, her stooped back gradually straightened. The age spots and wrinkles on her face trembled and writhed before finally disappearing. Under her skirt, her swollen muscles trembled, then tightened. Her bones expanded instead, hardening. The skin on the back of her hand tightened, turning scaly like a fish. In the blink of an eye, she was no longer an honest and humble servant woman. She had become fierce, her eyes sharp. Beastly faces swam about on her skin.

”Where are the others? Tell them to come out.” Yunlou Chaoyue glanced around the small alley. ”It’s hard to find a quiet place in Avalon.”

Light footsteps sounded as soon as she finished. Two men clad in robes walked out of thin air from both sides of the small alley. They moved swiftly and their faces were blurry, seeming like ghostly spirits. One carried a pipa and was surrounded by dancing ghosts. The other had a huqin on his back and a cloud under his feet. Their strange bodies resonated with the outside world. All three of them were powerful musicians who had broken past the Barrier of Knowledge—Resonance Musicians.