Part 11 (2/2)
”sexual,” is all I could e Then I wished I was a part of the shrubbery or tableware Idiotidiotidiotidiot Why don't you just slit open your own belly like a caught steelhead and spill it out on the table, moron
”That sucks,” he said And then, ”I hope soht answer I laughed I laughed kind of hard ”Kind of,” I said And ere able to move past the blood clot I'd presented between us
”Excellent then,” he said
We switched fro that impressed me It was his story How he'd escaped Reno and moved to San Sebastian, Spain, where he briefly witnessed a series of ETA events - the aranization How he later lived in Italy where he coached a not very good Italian Ao Spera, and Giacamo Piredu How he'd interview members of the Earth Liberation Front, how he'd cyber-pirated Bill Gates Microsoftedu How he came back to the states - the Northwest, to be exact - to be a writer Then he said so re at U of O So I applied to the university creative writing prograene But the Kesey workshop had already happened I did h”
”Really,” I said No shi+t? I got kind of excited but played it s to i workshop Funny, huh”
”Yeah,” he said, ”I know I think I saw you in the creative writing department hall after that Did you have one side of your head shaved back then?”
”What?” I definitely needed more wine
”Did you havea very unusual head back then?” He was staring at my hair
Man alive What are the odds? ”Well, yes Yes I did” I slugged as left of , why the hell did you do that to your head?”
”Suave,” I said, laughing
”No, I don't mean to sound like asshole, your hair is beautiful It's just, it looked kind of”
”Severe?” I offered
”Severe,” he agreed
Why did I do that Why did I I got butkus Then it just sort of ca I think I wanted to mark that hurt on the outside I think I wanted to be someone else But I didn't knoho yet” It almost sounded aware
”I see,” he said, ”and who are you now?”
Goddauys his age supposed to be shallow insensitive arrogants? So I said, ”I'hter that reveals a gaping fault line big enough to drive a U-haul through
Then it just got ridiculous - I couldn't stop watching his lipsup my spine and then it became impossible to maintain the teacher student charade when he took off of his sun glasses for a moment and I took off uy Marlon Brando like froave him my written comments on his work like a professional should and sent him away But he already kneeakness
” Um, Dr Lidia? Don't you need a ride ho this, but I wanted him to drive down into me and eat me alive
Ecstatic State OUR FIRST ”DATE” ANDY SAID HE WANTED TO GO SWIMMING withone hoht Also from stories he'd been told Now that I look back at it, it was a brave reat at other things - but not swiuts And he was ic to chlorine When he dipped hi periods, his nose ran Non-stop Still he asked to come sith me No one has ever done that
No one
So am In a little Y pool near my rented one bedroom house in Ocean Beach a block froht Six foot three and built like a tree his body was meant for land But he sith me Lap after lap I lapped him a dozen times Still he swam His nose ran He stayed with ht in the eye Chlorine smell between us His eyes were bloodshot because he refused to wear goggles He was more present than anyone indown his hball in the pool to calm the fuck down
The second date he took ys I'd never seen, nearlyme cream my jeans and pass out I kno not evolved of me How not fe You could have hosed me down and carried me out on a stretcher
Then he wrapped and wrapped and wrapped loves onand tried to showsmelled like man and sweat and leather and socks I was the only wo and hot I was 38 and he was 28 and it looked that way But I put airl Not because I couldn't bring so harder, I was an athlete back in the day after all But I was COMPLETELY UTTERLY STUPIDLY RIDICULOUSLY SELF CONSCIOUS Middle-aged woym
At one point he tried to help loves up in front of my face - I didn't realize I was supposed to protectto look at least minimally sexy So when he jabbed atmyself out My eyes watered andharder and harder And when I hit it as hard as I could? It felt good Uood I hit it and hit it and hit it I hit it like I was hittingand knocked it off its s
So, yeah You know those illustrated Karma Sutra books? Here's a brief run-down: sti and kisses,with teeth, on copulation (positions), slapping by hand and corresponding , virile behavior in women, superior coition and oral sex, preludes and conclusions to the game of love Oh and it describes 64 types of sexual acts (10 chapters)
Upstairs in his house was a carpeted little attic room And him And me And a bottle of wine And pot And no clothes I don't knohat the neighbors heard but I can tell you itinterlude frohts in this first night of his mouth on the ers insideinside his ass s on his shoulders my feet over my head then sideways like scissors thenthen hi me my whole body a muscle my back on his belly and chestup his cock so far up s shook I screamed and screamed I bit his neck I scratched a self into the very flesh of him I pounded my body down onto him I ain begin
In unending waves
I don't knohere hts went I only know for the first ti about a body Every day There was nothing we didn't do, and I felt everypleasure More and ht he put a blanket on the floor and told er thana cello
”Jesus,” I said ”You play cello?”
He played Bach The sixth suite
I cried Possibly the puniest sentence I've ever written
I cried for the force and strength of his body brought to the brink of tender in his fingers straddling the strings I cried for the violence of hitting as it fell away into the tre a note I cried for the man of him-the size and shape of ht to the cusp of such beauty Bach ButAll over s and synaptic firings andpulse
On ht me a Beretta 9mm FS and took me out to the desert to shoot It's the first ti - I liked it I liked the kickback going up ht I liked ai I shot and shot
When Andy Mingo entered rocery store or the beach or bars or parties kind of wanting to tug on so aboutI can't putsort ofvital about them Doesn't that beat all?” Or I'd be mid-lecture or mid-mouthful of food or mid swim lap and think ”Hey - so It feels a little likeopen Do I need medical attention? Is there a pill? What should I do?” Or I'd be inlovewaves with thisthisman creature froet a different degree to understand this er business A PhD just doesn't cut it I'm quite clearly under educated Can I speak to so I didn't think? Drink it away Possibly the only strong thing I've ever not thought
That's why I say I didn't get God Everything I ever loved about books and music and art and beauty all beca and played the cello
After that we started arranging rendezvous all over town Hungry Frenzied
Did I mention he was married?
Yeah Well What did you expect? I'm still me, after all