Part 8 (2/2)

At first, I turned it down flat because of all the scare stories that I heard But Bernd was quite upset that I had disthat the threat of any violence had been lifted My head had been full of all these ru whipped, and I naturally thought to etroo ht 'sod it' and agreed to cohdad and listen to what Uday had to say This sounds crazy, but one of the reasons I as because I had alanted to go there since I was a kid, because I used to watch the old fildad!

The plane I travelled on to Iraq was unbelievable There was only one flight a week froet It was meant to be first class, but it was an old converted Russian cargo plane, and I was one of only five or six passengers on board When we got into the air, I went down the back of the plane and I couldn't believe what I saw It was like a flying department store There were kitchen sinks, car wheels, and a whole load of luxury items like shoes and salad creaet because of the sanctions against their country

When I arrived, I was taken to a palace in Baghdad and given an aht there, which was a pity, because it was old and ornate and obviously had a lot of history The next day I was taken to another building and forh I only spoke with hilish and cah I know that you can't judge so and I'm noare of what he was capable of and his reputation as a butcher I would have loved to havea low profile at the time!

I went back to Oman and politely declined the job, but I would have liked to have worked for Iraq on a purely football basis because they had soan when he was at Manchester City to sign a player called Nashat Akram The kid was absolutely first class and he went on trial at City He passed all the tests and Kevin wanted to sign hiive hireat tricks, could run box to box, was full of energy and could score goals He played under Steve McClaren at Twente in Holland, and has 100 caps for Iraq now, but it's a shaland because he would have been a star in the Preue

Without the benefit of my expertise, Bernd didn't do too badly for himself with Iraq He's now coach of Belarus, and we stay in touch Uday was less fortunate He was hunted down and killed in a bunker by the Americans When the FBI posted their list ofcards, Uday was rated as the Ace of Hearts Now that ht not have been the bestto the Iraq national teae: 'Under Uday's leadershi+p, motivational lectures to the teas, while missed practices resulted in prison ti with electric cable or baths in raage, if penalties or an open goal was oals were scored then that person would have their feet whipped with thorns' It doesn't hty relieved I didn't get to find out

I didn't really have to take the job in Iraq anyway, because when I' I don't just sit about on my arse I need to be busy all the tiular work as a television pundit

The reat fun I've had the odd bit of stick for what I've said, but I'et people talking about the show and a point that you've raised then that's surely what it's all about

I started working for a Saudi station called ART (Arab Radio and Television Network) about six or seven years ago It was the perfect way to keep up to date with English football, which has alive Pre ot a regular gig alongside Joe Morrison on StarHub's Football Channel, which is broadcast in Singapore, and a newspaper colue newspaper here in O a local celeb

I'side Joe on Ten Sports (Taj Entertainht across Asia I drive hiht say! I gave him one of thecareer during a ga suit, which I called , but it wasn't theto wear because by the tihts for a fewwetter and wetter, and it started to look like PVC I decided I had to take the suit off, so I watched the rest of the first half in ot how close ere to going live on air again, and when the producer popped his head round the door to give us our two-, I had to try to throw my suit back on as quickly as I could But in led and I couldn't get the bloody things back on! When we got the countdown '5, 4, 3, 2, 1and live' I was sitting behindto pretend like nothing was up Joe was shi+fting about uncoet on with his job, presenting the show and leading the half-time analysis, but he said later that every tihis professionalisuests in the studio, and it's always nice to catch up with friends frolish football when they are over in the Middle East I remember one time Gary O'Reilly, the foruest It was the first tiether with Joe Morrison beforehand and hatched a wind-up He told Gary I'd forgotten to take my medication and that I suffered froo loopy at any ti the live broadcast Joe told him it had happened once or twice before and just to be professional and try and roll with it

When Gary sat down, Joe and I pretended the ca up the volu inan end to his own TV career Joe asked hiue and then asked ht I put on my maddest face (and believe o and fuck off!' I then stood up and started rocking the set, calling everyone bastards and shoving anyone who cauys to co to soothe Gary, I was still effing and blinding from the corridor When I cara this ti to kick off again When we showed it to hih he called us a 'bunch of bastards' for stitching hih, and he probably just puts the day I went loopy down to experience now!

I asked Joe to contribute a few choice words for this book of hans during a ”friendly” gaside the Arabs on the beach at sunset in O shi+te about football and spent thousands of hours arguing about the Prereat goalkeeper (despite what he says), he is certainly not a great pundit (despite what he says) and he is absolutely not a great coreat character and he is great TV Life needs colourful characters like Budgie and I believe that in football, as in television, the real characters are all disappearing He is one of the last!'

Imy weekly appearances on StarHub, especially with ame between arsenal and Manchester United I wore a yellow jacket over a bright pink shi+rt, and the local paper described ahtest I took it as a coht have gathered 'If you think I'ot more clothes in my wardrobe that would really make an impact black leather suits and white ones with pink braids,' I told the newspaper when they did an interview deers at ho StarHub to let me loose Take the chains off me and let me hat I want! I'd wear e leather one With nothing underneath Football is an entertaining game People want to see entertainment And television is visual, it's about i of sheer muscle I'd take my shi+rt off'

CHAPTER 27

OMAN IN THE GLOAMING

'I would have wonsix-footer! I didn't do badly forterms at least, I aet back to fitness after ain and I love it here in the Middle East I live just beside the Indian Ocean Janet and I own three houses in O cliff-top villa

For anyone who doesn't knohere Oman is, it's about a three-and-a-half hour drive from Dubai Everyone has heard of Dubai now, but not everyone has heard of Muscat Ilike a representative for the Oman tourist board, but forplaces in the world If you went straight across the Indian Ocean as the crow flies, you would be in Goa in India

Millions of pounds are spent advertising the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Dubai and Abu Dhabi and Qatar, but take it from someone who lives here there is only one naturally beautiful Gulf state and that is Oman We have the mountains, the ocean and a picturesque city The rest of the Gulf is mainly sand and desert, but here is very different and everyone is farthat Dubai has, albeit on a smaller scale

People think that you can't drink in the Gulf, but let me educate you that's a lot of bullshi+t There's one or two places where you can't drink like Saudi Arabia and Kuwait but places like Oo and have a drink at any time There are no pubs as such, as all the bars are contained within hotels, but they are nice and relaxed There'sis a bit more relaxed There isn't anywhere near the level of drunkenness you see in Britain and, because of that, the crime rate is low I can leave uys heading to the beach for a kickabout after work instead of heading straight down to the pub It's all nice and laid back

Sitting inby, it's iovernland they'll take half off you in tax I don't begrudge paying soland I had a probleed in my accident One of my caps had fallen out and it would have been a 10-ery in Blackpool, they wouldn't help istered, sir?' nonsense I tried to tell them I'd paid millions of pounds in tax and played football for 32 years, but they weren't having it It buggedin there who hadn't paid one penny of tax

It's the rip-off nature of Britain that bugs me too I drive a Hummer and if I went to a British petrol station it would cost me about 170 to fill it bottom to top In the Middle East, it costs me 15 at the most to fill it In Britain, you work your balls off to earn a good salary and you get nothing back, but the governive them a house, free NHS and so on The whole place is screwed up now Me and Janet would never even think about going back Soot a train to Blackpool, and you see that the trains and stations are still like Victorian ti their heads off on the trains No wonder England's skint It's full of freeloaders I think it's down to the politicians, and it's wrong that people found guilty of fixing their expenses are still allowed to ood rant! I'll never be too old to climb up on my soapbox and shout the odds But, in all seriousness, I rarely miss Britain and I'm better off where I am noith the sun on my back every day I still keep as fit as I can, and still have the sa When I had my Oman job I worked roup teams, and perhaps oing toway froot the odd regret about decisions I took inon theret is that I wasn't two inches taller I would have wonsix-footer! I didn't do badly forterms at least, I am a bit of a shortarse

My position within the Oman national team allowed me to visit places I can't even spell! I've been to Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Kathmandu, all over India and China, Korea, japan, Sri Lanka, Australia, Malaysia, Mongolia, Iraq and Iran places that are so interesting and where you can learn so much You wouldn't believe how many countries play football in Asia, and there are soreat players across the continent

I honestly believe that in the next 20 years, an Asian country like India will be taking over football just wait and see I always believe in looking ahead, and in the future you will see Indians playing in the Preue too, because there are more billionaires there than anywhere else in the world I think it's only a e as a football superpower too It's a land that people in China are soalkeeper is six foot six and they are a big solid side People underestimate Asian football at their peril After the rubbish I watched froland at the World Cup in South Africa I have to say that India, Saudi Arabia and India would all give theame

These teams are to be particularly feared in their ho and volatile, to the extent that not only are you worrying about your safety, you're actually worrying about your life Once you've been to the Azadi Stadium in Tehran in front of 120,000 fanatical supporters, anywhere else would be a walk in the park I bet you Iran would beat England if they played them in the Azadi People talk about Barcelona and Real Madrid being hostile places to go you come to the Azadi and you'll find out what hostile really means You wouldn't be able to see your hand in front of your face for the ss me all thebetter than average I've played with far better players than Terry People should take a break froue and think more about what the rest of the world has to offer There are a lot of players here in Asia who could very easily play in the Preiven the chance I brought over Ali Al-Habsi but there are countless rade

I' the Middle East to the forefront of people's minds People think they all drive around in luxury cars, that's rubbish, there are soh areas too and as we know froentina, that's often where you discover the best players because they are born with that gene that enables theht their way to the top

Sadly, my dream job with Oman was taken away from me by the national FA in January 2011 I'm still bitter about it, because I've done a hell of a lot for football in the country and they've sacked me for mistakes made by someone else Claude Le Roy was the coach, and because they wanted hio, they decided they wanted rid of everyone to do with him It was harsh on hi a lot of bigger nations along the way That raised the bar, I suppose, and e failed to qualify for the Asian Cup in 2011, they felt the tea Oman are ambitious, and I can't fault the us all the boot

An interview I gave to Gulf News in September 2010, in which I called for backroom teams to be kept on and not be made to carry the can for the head coach, unfortunately fell on deaf ears I said: 'If you have a good doctor, physio, coach or masseur keep him sack the head coach Hire and fire independently Then when it co his own assistants Other than that, the backroo coaches and assistants dotheir jobs because the head coach isn't up to it when it cos in his own people soht in to keep the coach company with cups of coffee down thestaff and coach shouldn't be friends, they should just be good at their jobs They're laughing all the way to the bank, taking clubs to the cleaners, walking out with big coes, and I doubt thelicences if asked'

Sadly, Oman didn't see it that way, and because Claude was sacked, we all got punished, regardless of the service we had given to the FA and e could still offer the country It's so short-sighted Gulf News phonedwrong In fact I've done more than anyone else in the Gulf; I've produced a phenoer than a Gulf Cup win I'm very disappointed to have done so much for Oman, only to be treated in such a manner I'm down in the duoes on, eh?

Football in the Middle East will cohtFIFA's decision to give Qatar the 2022 World Cup, but to be brutally honest I think it's a disgrace to have it there Qatar may be filthy rich, but at theZinedine Zidane to front the bid obviously helped their cause, but it just doesn't seeht of sue it indoors, in fully air-conditioned stadiuht 60,000-seater stadiuh money to do that in Qatar, but it would be a massive break fro it there, is to move the World Cup to the winter

I actually met the president of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, for the first ti after Qatar won their World Cup bid He had co, and visited O our stadiu kit He looked me up and down and pointed to my initials, and said: 'JB? Joseph Blatter?' I replied: 'Ha-ha, pleased to meet you My name is BondJames Bond!'

I daresay Qatar will deliver the World Cup, because the country is so rich it's unbelievable They already have brilliant indoor football fields, although to build enough stadiums to properly host a World Cup is a different round reeks of ton is the best I have seen, but the one they have built in Qatar makes United's look old-fashi+oned!

Qatar may be ready for 2022, because of theevent on the planet is heading there it is such a small country The capital, Doha, is the size of a s a world cup in Motherwell or Aberdeen! What I think they should have done is have one stadium here in Oman, one in Bahrain, one in UAE, Abu Dhabi and Dubai and make it a Gulf World Cup, but then I suppose you would be creating a new problem because the hosts usually qualify automatically The bottoet sunstroke the players and supporters It's the desert, for God's sake The best thing to do would be to share it around and hold the World Cup around Christmas time It would be perfect conditions