Part 18 (2/2)

Andre went into his spiel 'Madame, it is a atine nougatine whipped into a whipped into a sabayon sabayon of of praline praline and and souffline souffline ' and so forth Cutting him short, Terry positioned her hand over the pristine surface of this gorgeous creation and with one long pull dug up a great scoop of it, sucked it froers with a loud sht for aher head away from the waiter as she did so, 'Take it away, it's shi+t' ' and so forth Cutting him short, Terry positioned her hand over the pristine surface of this gorgeous creation and with one long pull dug up a great scoop of it, sucked it froers with a loud sht for aher head away from the waiter as she did so, 'Take it away, it's shi+t'

Robert and I stared with open ested that she did this to impress us with her ruthlessness, to make us aware that ere expendable and that she took no prisoners I si I had ever seen a human do, and I had once seen a man take out his cock and piss all over the desk of a four-star hotel lobby, splashi+ng a receptionist and two bystanders

Terry noticed that ere looking at her and srimly 'The dessert was shi+t shi+t is shi+t Did I say about how iraphy is?'

If that lunch had been a test we soreed to pony up

I went back to England, and Hugh and I set about starting to write for next year's pilot of a Fry and Laurie TV sketch show

'We should do a tour,' Hugh said

'A tour?'

'If we agree to a live show around the country then that will force us to write material for it We're not allowed to do Shakespeare Masterclass, or Draculaonly new h ere not really well known and certainly nothing like as fa, there was a sizeable enough dee and university towns, it seeed We wrote and stared out of theand paced up and down and bought Big Macs and looked out of theand went for walks and tore at our hair and swore and watched television and bought ain and wrote and screamed with horror as the clock showed that another day was over and we looked at e had written and groaned and agreed toto arrive with so Macs

After we had asseo back to New York for Me and My Girl Me and My Girl rehearsals The plan was forWe would tour and record a one-off Fry and Laurie pilot show to be screened at Christmas and followed the next year by a series rehearsals The plan was forWe would tour and record a one-off Fry and Laurie pilot show to be screened at Christmas and followed the next year by a series

Me and My Girl rehearsed in Manhattan so I had never seen such facilities or met with such order in the course of a theatrical venture There was a dance rooe space dedicated to rehearsing my bits and my bits alone I even had my oriter's room off it, handsomely supplied with desk, electric typewriter, stationery and coffee percolator Mike Ockrent led the same production team, but only Robert remained from the British cast Enn Reitel had taken over from him in London, and would be followed by Gary Wilmot, Karl Howman, Brian Conley, Les Dennis andrun Here in New York Robert had Maryann Plunkett, whom I had seen in rehearsed in Manhattan so I had never seen such facilities or met with such order in the course of a theatrical venture There was a dance rooe space dedicated to rehearsing my bits and my bits alone I even had my oriter's room off it, handsomely supplied with desk, electric typewriter, stationery and coffee percolator Mike Ockrent led the same production team, but only Robert remained from the British cast Enn Reitel had taken over from him in London, and would be followed by Gary Wilmot, Karl Howman, Brian Conley, Les Dennis andrun Here in New York Robert had Maryann Plunkett, whoe Sunday in the Park with George, playing opposite hi as Sir John

I stayed at the Wyndham, an old-fashi+oned actor's hotel on 58th Street whose roos that believed it was still 1948 By each bed was a white telephone with no dial or buttons When you picked up the receiver it connected you to the front desk 'I'd like to ave the nu up Fiveto whih Most nights at about two or three I would be jerked awake by the phone's crashi+ng buzz

'Yes?'

'Your call to Rome, Italy '

'I didn't ask for a call to Ro number Thank you'

At breakfast I fell into the habit of chatting with souests, almost all of them actors or theatre people A favourite was Raymond Burr, enormously bulky but very kindly and cheerful, despite the habitually tired bloodhound droop of his eyes He went so far as to askmore Perry Mason Perry Mason on television on television

'Do young people remember it?'

'Well, I have to confess it was before my time,' I said to him 'But I loved Ironside Ironside'

'Why thank you They don't want to do more Ironside Ironside, but there is talk of more Perry Mason Perry Mason You never saw it?'

'I'al series He was a lawyer, that is right?'

'OhEnglishman and he had barely heard of Perry Mason Oh my'

If Raymond Burr wasn't available for conversation I had in another corner of the breakfast room Broadway's ancient royal couple, Huh each other

'Oh look, honey, here's the English felloonder how his rehearsals are going'

'Not too bad,' I would reply 'The cast see! Is he confident of a hit I wonder?'

'Oh well, you know It's pretty much in the lap of the Gods By which Ithe critics Gods, honey, did you hear that? Gods!'

And so on

Once rehearsals kicked in, I saw so of the American work ethic Coh that they never relaxed During ti each other new steps, practising vocal scales and war water all the time We are now so used to it all over the western world that one has to re Americans didn't feel naked without a bottle of water in their hands

I also saw so of the star system It is a kind of paradox of America, the republic that freed itself of the inequitable shackles of e stars with a status far beyond that of any European duke or prince As with any true aristocracy, the principles of noblesse oblige noblesse oblige apply to stars Robert told me of the time they all went upstate to fil day in hu around in medieval armour, pearly suits and fur-lined cloaks, and take after take was called for As the shoot wore on Robert noticed a diminution in friendliness towards him that he could not understand He asked Maryann Plunkett whether he had done so apply to stars Robert told me of the time they all went upstate to fil day in hu around in medieval armour, pearly suits and fur-lined cloaks, and take after take was called for As the shoot wore on Robert noticed a diminution in friendliness towards him that he could not understand He asked Maryann Plunkett whether he had done so

'Everyone is very tired and very hot, and I think they'd like it to be over'

'Well, yes, me too,' said Robert, 'but how is that my fault?'

'Robert, you're the star! You're the company leader You You decide if it's tio hoo hoht up in the self-consciously 'we're all mates here' cooperative atmosphere of British theatre, where no one would ever dare dare pull starry rank Because we have a class systeo out of our way to make sure that it is made plain that everyone is absolutely equal Because America doesn't, they seee that achieve pull starry rank Because we have a class systeo out of our way to make sure that it is made plain that everyone is absolutely equal Because America doesn't, they seee that achieve

'Robert, it's your duty to rateful that none of his British conte the ht, Toet out of costume and be on their way'

'Sure, Bob,' said the director 'Absolutely Whatever you say'

Everybody smiled, and Robert learned the duties and responsibilities of stardoeles, in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, then best known as the location of the annual Academy Awards cere Square, aleles, of course, and, as everyone knoalking is never done there Besides, when you have rented a bright-red convertible Mustang you want to use it at every opportunity There was really very little for me to do other than attend the early perforue as required After a week at the Biltht as well blow all my per diems on a weekend at the Bel-Air Hotel For the lo price of 1,500 a night I had a little bungalow and a beautiful garden in which bird flitted about just for ht I invited the chorus, who somehow jammed themselves in, drank 600 worth of wine and liquor and varatitude tried out in don Los Angeles, in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, then best known as the location of the annual Academy Awards cere Square, aleles, of course, and, as everyone knoalking is never done there Besides, when you have rented a bright-red convertible Mustang you want to use it at every opportunity There was really very little for me to do other than attend the early perforue as required After a week at the Biltht as well blow all my per diems on a weekend at the Bel-Air Hotel For the lo price of 1,500 a night I had a little bungalow and a beautiful garden in which bird flitted about just for ht I invited the chorus, who somehow jammed themselves in, drank 600 worth of wine and liquor and varatitude

LA was our only try-out town, and the show had gone well enough in front of a mostly elderly subscription audience Broadas next, and from here there was no escape and no second chances It is a known oddity of the New York theatre world that a production is made or broken almost solely by its review in the New York Times New York Times It is the paper, incidentally, not the reviewer, that wields this terrible power As Bernard Levin once observed, a Barbary Ape could hold the post of It is the paper, incidentally, not the reviewer, that wields this terrible power As Bernard Levin once observed, a Barbary Ape could hold the post of Times Times reviewer and still have the power to close a show Frank Rich was the current Barbary Ape that we had to please, and there was no knowing until the night whether his thuo up or down If it went down the whole production would fold, Jimmy, Terry and Richard would lose their money, and the cast would all be fired Humiliation all round reviewer and still have the power to close a show Frank Rich was the current Barbary Ape that we had to please, and there was no knowing until the night whether his thuo up or down If it went down the whole production would fold, Jimmy, Terry and Richard would lose their money, and the cast would all be fired Humiliation all round

We had already earned a certainthe first show to open in the Marriott Marquis Theatre, built as part of a major Times Square reconstruction project To make way for an enormous new hotel, the much loved Helen Hayes Theatre had been pulled down to such a howl of irate a new theatre into the development, and the Marquis was it

At the dress rehearsal nerves were frayed, and Ji denied, as producers, any other outlet for their tension than the pleasure of firing people, had scented blood Their old insecurity on the issue of the dance nu behind theory, the choreographer How they thought firing her the day before previews began could possibly help I do not know, but I suppose plenty of shows had been rescued in shorter ti in To thehteen hours a day for three days and then telling the world how they had fired asses and saved the show American entertainical tough unco sonofabitch h of that at work; non-theatre people draht hold of Richard Ars

'H about that'

We sat and watched an energetic but somehow spiritless dress rehearsal The new theatre slue and wood varnish It had fluorescent strips for house lights, which meant that they couldn't be faded up or down, but only flickered on and off, killing the athtly lit you could easily read your programme from their lurid spill The doors at the back of the auditoriuently you tried to close the, and if people didn't know about theone off The dancing had been, to my untutored non-specialist eye, spectacular, but Terry Allen Kra kicked or a body twirled

When finally the curtain ca she stood and opened her mouth

'The choreo '

Richard's voice drowned her out 'dahts are a disaster And the doors and the exit signs But there's nothing we can do about that in ti It would take a ? Ha! That's what you you think! There's think! There's plenty plenty we can do Bill Marriott is a personal friend I don't care if I have to wake hiet me to a phone we can do Bill Marriott is a personal friend I don't care if I have to wake hiet ht now!'