Part 13 (1/2)

'And I thought how great it would be to have a clue that was a long nuet the answer they will see that it's a number and maybe they ork out that it's a phone nuet that sound sound You know, the sound that a fax ht '

'And they will hear it and think, ”What was that?” but maybe one of them, they will know that it is in actuality a fax ht have one in their office, for example So they'll say, ”Hey, that's a fax e On a piece of paper” And they will fax you for help'

'And what do I do then?'

'Well, here's the thing: beforehand, I will have faxed you their next clue So when they fax you asking for help, you fax that clue back in return You understand?'

'Yes, I think so You send me a fax which is the next clue Then I wait by the ht It will be afternoon in Connecticut, but in London it will be like nine, ten,out at all?'

'No, no'

'Because it is crucial crucial that you are in all the tiht by the fax oes off' that you are in all the tiht by the fax oes off'

'Absolutely I'll be there So, just to ht I wait by the faxme for a clue, I send to your fax number in Connecticut whatever it is that you will have faxed reat? It will be the first-ever fax treasure hunt But you have have to be by the phone all Saturday night You will be?' to be by the phone all Saturday night You will be?'

'I'll be there I'll be there'

'OK I'll give you my fax number It should appear on the top of the fax anyway, but I'll give it to you And I'll need your fax nued numbers

'Thank you, Stephen'

'No, thank you you, Stephen'

Between that call and Saturday evening he called four or five tied my plans and was still happy to sit by the fax machine and await developments On Saturday afternoon at about four I received a fax froraside it

I faxed back a note to say that I had received his clue and would fax it as soon as I received a request from his treasure-hunt contestants

I sat with a book, ears flapping, for the next five hours I had not put out of ht yet ask ht that he only wanted ical toys could not be entirely dismissed

So I put down the book It was Atlas Shrugged Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, I remember quite distinctly, which was hypnotically dreadful I stared at the fax machine as it answered the call Its shrill cry was cut off The caller had hung up I i Sondheim friends by Ayn Rand, I remember quite distinctly, which was hypnotically dreadful I stared at the fax machine as it answered the call Its shrill cry was cut off The caller had hung up I i Sondhei sound'

'Oh! Oh! Oh! I knohat that is It's a faxdocuot one in his den, I'o to it My, such larks!' know For sending docuot one in his den, I'o to it My, such larks!'

I counted off the ination at least) to Stephen's den, whose mantelpiece was croith Tony Awards On the very piano on which he had coned photographs in silver-gilt frames of Lenny Bernstein, Ethel Merman, Oscar Ha if I ed the scenario, ain This tied out I ripped it off and there on the curling ther for us?'

I duly fitted into the machine the fax Sondheim had sent me earlier, dialled the number and pressed 'Transmit'

A cheerful 'Thanks!' was returned a few ht be playing and realized that, for all his neurotic calling to ensure , Stephen had not told me whether or not this would be a one-tied Atlas Shrugged on my lap and the fax machine free of further intercourse on my lap and the fax machine free of further intercourse

A week later a case of Haut-Batailley claret arrived with a note of thanks froreat success Due in no small measure to your kind participation

With thanks, Stephen

Not a hint of a call to collaboration I still await his summons

By the time Alan Coren became the Listener Listener's editor, fax e, and there was nothing strange aboutthe offices in Marylebone High Street froht years later, would be to get newspapers and broadcasting co on to the internet and furnish themselves with email addresses, but that is a whole other story for a whole other book for a whole other readershi+p

Contortionist Perhaps the azine world in those days was the caricaturist, editor and boulevardier about town Mark Boxer Under the pen name Marc he had illustrated the front covers of A A Dance to the Music of Time Dance to the Music of Ti a bookshelf, next to the Simon Raven Alms for Oblivion Alms for Oblivion sequence (which I much preferred, and still do) In the sixties Boxer had supervised the launch and life of Britain's first colour suppleazine for sequence (which I much preferred, and still do) In the sixties Boxer had supervised the launch and life of Britain's first colour suppleazine for The Sunday Times The Sunday Times and now he edited the and now he edited the Tatler Tatler One day in theme to call his office

'Ah yes Stephen Fry How do you do? Let an's toan's Brasserie but had never been Founded by Peter Langan, Richard Shepherd and the actor Michael Caine, it had acquired a reputation as one of the lamour was provided by the art collection, the Patrick Procktor n and the daily presence of film stars, aristocrats and an This pioneering restaurateur, an alcoholic Irish custo up the bills of those who dared to co thearette in the other, he would lurch fro, hugging and shoving The food was good but not great, the atical, and the experience, when Peter was around, unforgettable Don Boyd toldin her salad As Peter lurched hiccupping past the table, Don had stopped hireenery

Peter bowed forward from the waist to exa up the pulsing, living slug between thu' He dropped it into his glass of Krug, drained it down and burped 'Like a nice juicy snail, only without the nuisance of a shell fucking delicious'

I arrived early, as I always do for appointments, and was led upstairs Mark arrived exactly on time

'Hope you don't mind it up here,' he said 'It's quieter In case Peter's about Do you know him?'

I confessed that I did not

'Keep it that way,' said Mark

Boxer was an attractive-looking ed, I suppose, about fifty, but youthful in a twinkly, almost elfin way He was married to the newsreader and co-founder of TV-AM, Anna Ford Over the first two courses Mark was char, funny and inconsequential, as if the reason for his invitation to lunch was entirely social He kept e

'It was quite the thing then to present oneself as hoht white trousers and tell the rugby players that they were the creas in the world It was actually very odd not not to behave like that Ast ay And of course it irls simply throw themselves at you Did you know that I am the only person aside from Shelley to be sent down from one of the universities for atheisst ay And of course it irls simply throw themselves at you Did you know that I am the only person aside from Shelley to be sent down from one of the universities for atheism?'

'No! Really?'

'Well, not quite I was editor of Granta Granta and I published a poem by somebody or other that the university authorities said was blasphemous They demanded I, as editor, be sent down, but E M Forster and Noel Annan and others sied it to a rustication, which they meanly set for May Week so that I would miss the May Ball, but of course they overlooked the fact that balls go on way past 's in my white tie and tails and was chaired around fro hero It was too marvellous' and I published a poem by somebody or other that the university authorities said was blasphemous They demanded I, as editor, be sent down, but E M Forster and Noel Annan and others sied it to a rustication, which they meanly set for May Week so that I would miss the May Ball, but of course they overlooked the fact that balls go on way past 's in my white tie and tails and was chaired around fro hero It was too marvellous'

It was hard to believe that this ift it is, of eois, ordinary and unexciting

'So, a nos moutons a nos moutons,' he said as the cheese arrived 'Tatler I know you have written for us once before Wonderful piece, by the way Is it really true?'

He was referring to a feature to which I had contributed earlier in the year and which ill come to later I blushed fiercely as I always did when that article was mentioned