Part 6 (1/2)

Chariots 1 The ent round Cast the student body They had been in touch with the presidents of the ADC, the Mummers and the Marlowe Society, who in turn had contacted the acting world Kin our names up for international stardom

I had a friend at Oxford who had written toa major picture there called Heaven's Gate Heaven's Gate and that he had a walk-on part in it I now called hi in our midst too and that he had a walk-on part in it I now called hi in our midst too

'Oh yes?' he said 'Which studio? We're United Artists'

'Oh I don't think ours is exactly an American studio-type filroup of British athletes in the 1924 Olympics One of them is Jewish and the other one is a devout Presbyterian on't run on Sundays or so Colin Welland has written the screenplay It'swellanyway'

As I put the phone down I could hear hter There was so chosen for such a set major motion picture Neither of us were to know that Heaven's Gate Heaven's Gate would all but destroy United Artists and be for ever listed as one of the greatest financial disasters in Hollywood history while our little filmwould all but destroy United Artists and be for ever listed as one of the greatest financial disasters in Hollywood history while our little film

It was called Chariots of Fire, and I spent a number of bemusedly excited days as an extra The first was in the Senate House for a Freshers' Fair scene in which the lead actors get recruited by the University Athletics Club and Gilbert and Sullivan Society All light-headed from a free but fierce haircut, I had earned an by bringing e blazer and flannels as costume I looked the most dreadful arse as Ia ball on a racket and trying to give the iht be hearty With the e University Athletics Tea frole, ent on to play cricket for Essex and England

I was most astonished when a props avecards on which were printed 'Cae of crossed tennis rackets I had to peer closely to decipher the sloping New Palace print the likelihood of the ca this see waste of ti or the necessity of being prepared for any eventuality Noand preparation, circuht, noise, the failure of a crane or the indisposition of an actor or crewIt was quite possible that the director may have decided that the scene that day needed to open with a close shot of so a tennis club card and if it hadn't been there ready, waiting and perfectly printed, fil would have been delayed, and mucha few visiting cards None of that occurred to me, of course; I just leapt to the conclusion, as people always do, that fil one, that they are imbecile misers

For the whole of the first day I assu us where and when tofor the camera to 'turn over' h Hudson At one point, needing clarification, I started a question with, 'Excuse uida newspaper 'I'm just the first assistant,' he said, 'that's the director' the director'

If a director didn't shout and tell people when to move and how to hold their props and where to look then what, I wondered, did did he do? It all seemed most mysterious he do? It all seee, after only three or four days' 'shooting' as we pros now called it, that certain university authorities had read the script, disapproved of its implications and summarily withdrawn from the production company all permissions to film It seems that the story portrayed the Masters of Trinity and Gonville and Caius Colleges, played by John Gielgud and Lindsay Anderson, as anti-Semitic snobs Their present-day descendants had decided that this was not to be countenanced

Oh well, we thought That was that Fun while it lasted But the film's producer, David Puttnam, either out of loyalty or for more practical reasons of financial econoe as an alternative location, and ere all bussed out to Berkshi+re, using the nearby Bray Studios as a base At Eton they shot one of the most memorable scenes in the film, the Great Court Run in which Harold Abrahael Havers, run a complete circuit of the outer perimeter of Trinity Great Court in the forty-three seconds or so (depending on the clock's last winding) that it takes for the chimes to strike twelve, a feat that Sebastian Coe just failed to emulate in 1988 School Yard at Eton is probably a quarter the size of Trinity Great Court, but cauise the fact that even I could probably have run round it in forty-three seconds My role in this scene, along with just about everyone else's, was to cheer and throwthe scene see ti: it occurred to me that everyone must be extremely incompetent and that it could surely all have been done so much more quickly and efficiently I no that the days were all ed with exe always appears both intolerably boring and horribly disorganized When you do not understand how so works it is perhaps natural to question and to doubt In later years, when as so often ht happen a passer-by on a street shoot I was involved with expostulated at 'all those people' and how '' and then offered the suggestion that 'I suppose it's all under the control of the unions', I would, to tanation at such rudeness, force myself to remember my own scepticism when an extra on Chariots of Fire Chariots of Fire That scepticism was shared by many, and so bored did the majority become and so ill-used did they feel theed a mini-strike They all sat down in School Yard and chanted for reedy and rude we could have been, and I a the bolshi+e faction Puttnan of annoyance or disappointreed to pay us all an extra two pounds each We cheered him louder than we had been asked to cheer the race That scepticism was shared by many, and so bored did the majority become and so ill-used did they feel theed a mini-strike They all sat down in School Yard and chanted for reedy and rude we could have been, and I a the bolshi+e faction Puttnan of annoyance or disappointreed to pay us all an extra two pounds each We cheered him louder than we had been asked to cheer the race

If you happen one day to be watching Chariots of Fire Chariots of Fire and want to spot me for reasons into which I will not inquire, then the Gilbert and Sullivan entertainment that takes place after theand sround It is one of nature's cruellest curses on me No matter how soulful, sweet and unselfconscious I try to appear, e themselves into an expression of utmost self-satisfaction, self-awareness and self-love So unfair and want to spot me for reasons into which I will not inquire, then the Gilbert and Sullivan entertainment that takes place after theand sround It is one of nature's cruellest curses on me No matter how soulful, sweet and unselfconscious I try to appear, e themselves into an expression of utmost self-satisfaction, self-awareness and self-love So unfair

Back in Cae, life continued its jolly round Simon Cherry, who had directed Latin! Latin!, was chosen by BATS to direct the 1980 May Week production He castin All's Well That Ends Well All's Well That Ends Well Emma Thompson played Helena, Kim had a variety of parts, and Barry Taylor played Parolles

Playing the King in All's Well That Ends Well All's Well That Ends Well, BATS May Week production 1980, in Queens' Cloister Court

Barry, whose Macbeth had so impressed me, was an extraordinary uilty and ashaent, perceptive, wise, learned, skilled at writing and acadeifted as anyone I had ever e and life in the world outside was concerned he had one huge defect, one appalling flaw He was honest He had integrity Honesty and integrity are fine virtues in so far as they go, but they are fatal when it co exams He was in the year above e, and finals beckoned If anyone should have got a First and stayed on to research and become a valued teacher and academic it should have been Barry But his fatal flaw meant that when he sat in the examination hall and turned over the paper he would try to answer the question try to answer the question He would sit and think about it He would ponder avenues of approach He would start, cross out what he had written, have another think and only coements, appraisals and conclusions By the ti which time three questions should have been addressed and three essays completed, Barry would hand in one perfect essay and half of a very good one, leaving the third question entirely unanswered He had done this in Part Ones the year before and he himself knew that he would probably do it in the Finals of the English tripos that were rapidly approaching He wrote with delicacy and style, and his literary insights and moral, social and aesthetic perceptions were of far more value and depth thanorexa-class family who lived south-east of London He told ot on to the bus in Southend or the Isle of Dogs and asked for a ticket in their posh accents, he and his friends at the back would do cawing, honking, drawling ily or violently, but because the sounds were so peculiar to their ears It was hard for thee, really spoke like that Then Barry arrived in Cae and found that he he was the one with the unusual accent, and suddenly ra-ra public-school speech was the norm It took him some time to believe that anyone with such an accent could be anything other than a dim chinless wonder was the one with the unusual accent, and suddenly ra-ra public-school speech was the norm It took him some time to believe that anyone with such an accent could be anything other than a diarded a h to answer exam questions in just the way that achieved the best results with the least effort yet gifted with enough of a uise it as authentic academic achievement, I don't know Add to that my public-school manner and apparent confidence and I cannot but think that I e that anyone with spirit would be ued, should they have been moved to do so, that their examination system is perfectly suited to the real world Success in politics, journalisn Office, the City and so rander fields of professional endeavour rely on the ability quickly to master the essentials of a brief, to subdue material to one's will, to present, proures and to do all with speed, polish, ease and confidence The tripos weeds out the slow, the honest, the careful, the considered and the excessively truthful all of ould be grossly unsuited to public life or high-profile careers

My cynicism and self-criticisgerate so very ent integrity andthat is wrong in education and testing Having said which, Canize Barry's qualities, and he did subsequently have a career in acaderee that a better system of examination would undoubtedly have awarded him On the other hand, if continuous assessreater e to produce essays against the clock in the examination hall, I would have been booted out withinare required: one for plausible bounders like me and another for authentic e season approached This tie Mummers, the drama club for whom I had appeared in Artaud at Rodez Artaud at Rodez the previous year Despite their reputation for progressive prograarde, they asked if Ithe previous year Despite their reputation for progressive prograarde, they asked if ILatin! Latin! to join their repertoire Caroline Oulton had written a play about the Swiss kinetic sculptor Jean Tinguely; a friend called Oscar Moore had written a piece whose title I forget but which had darkly funny things to say about Dunstable; Si a one-man shohich McBurney would play Charles Bukowski A children's play was also being devised, and theshoould be a production of the rarely performed Middleton and Dekker comedy to join their repertoire Caroline Oulton had written a play about the Swiss kinetic sculptor Jean Tinguely; a friend called Oscar Moore had written a piece whose title I forget but which had darkly funny things to say about Dunstable; Si a one-man shohich McBurney would play Charles Bukowski A children's play was also being devised, and theshoould be a production of the rarely perfor Girl with Annabelle Arden in the title role, under the direction of Brigid Larid who had co-directed the production of with Annabelle Arden in the title role, under the direction of Brigid Larid who had co-directed the production of Travesties Travesties in which I had first seen Emma Thompson All these shoould be presented for teeks in that same cramped but historic Riddle's Court venue off the Royal Mile in which I had first seen Emma Thompson All these shoould be presented for teeks in that same cramped but historic Riddle's Court venue off the Royal Mile

After the May Term finished and I had completed my usual summer stint at Cundall Manor we rehearsed for teeks in Caitself out for a business conference) near Magdalene with Ben Blackshaw and Mark McCrurown-ups call 'commendable enterprise', started a business called 'Picnic Punts' Every et up, dress themselves in striped blazers, white flannel trousers and boaters and go down to a le punt A wooden plank with a white cloth would be placed athwart the vessel as a table, a wind-up gramophone, ice bucket and all the accoutrements required to serve a creane would be stowed son on the Silver Street Bridge with illustrations (he was handy at drawing and calligraphy) advertising a punt-ride up or down the Caraduates

Ben was pretty and fey and blond and Mark iht of theuaranteed to appeal to A schoolmasters of a Uranian disposition Soe between rehearsals, Ioff the stonework of the Bridge of Sighs or the slowing down and rapid rewinding of a Benny Good's and I would s the Backs, cheerfully eous and incredible stories about Byron or Darwin for the edification of their credulous and awestruck customers At day's end, I would come back from my rehearsals, and they would return fro nonsense, their day's takings wrapped in the tablecloth, which would be emptied on the kitchen table Every last currency note and coin was scooped up and taken to the grocer's in Jesus Lane to be spent onand bottles of wine and tea things and cha I don't think Mark and Ben turned a penny's profit, but they got themselves fit, ate and drank well and inadvertently started a trend in 'authentic student punts' that is going to this day in the hands of much savvier and harder-nosed entrepreneurs Not once did either of thehtly supper fund, despite the fact that I always ate and drank the food and wine that it bought There was a carefree chareois and over-earnest

I had agreed to be in The Roaring Girl The Roaring Girl, as well as reprising my role as Dominic Clarke in Latin! Latin!, with John Davies still in the part of Herbert Brookshaw Siain and he had asked David Lewis, a History of Art student hon a poster The result was sensational In the style of an Edwardian children's storybook jacket Dave's design depicted a school-unifor, with a cricket galy well done; the lettering, the colour palette, the whole look of it was exquisite It shocked, but it was also funny, elegant and charht be

The Mummers' producers, Jo and David, sent an arh as soon as we arrived, to staple and paste up the posters for all our shoherever we could It soon becareat demand The moment it went up it would be pinched, even if we took the co it first to decrease its collectability I started to get es left formoney for spares It had become a collector's item In a rare burst of entrepreneurial PR zeal, I called up the poster was in great demand The moment it went up it would be pinched, even if we took the co it first to decrease its collectability I started to get es left formoney for spares It had become a collector's item In a rare burst of entrepreneurial PR zeal, I called up the Scots stolen as soon as it was put up Sure enough, they obligingly ran a sraph with a picture of the poster, under the h?' The box-office went through the roof, and Latin! Latin! was sold out for the whole of the teeks of its run was sold out for the whole of the teeks of its run

Latin! The e The e

Latin! played in theattraction was the played in theattraction was the The Roaring Girl The Roaring Girl One of its cast raduate called Tony Slattery, who had the look of a young Charles Boyer and the habits of an ill-trained but affectionate puppy He read Modern and Medieval Languages, specializing in French and Spanish He had represented Britain at judo, beco and played the guitar and was capable of being ht, in his role as soer feather in his hat By the ti the ceiling The entire cast, including Annabelle Arden, who had the lead role of Moll Cutpurse, fell into unrestrained giggles each time he executed a lohich caused this enorle over our heads or into our faces Sometioes too far they often start to stir andIt was deeply unprofessional but being deeply unprofessional was one of the , well, not professional One of its cast raduate called Tony Slattery, who had the look of a young Charles Boyer and the habits of an ill-trained but affectionate puppy He read Modern and Medieval Languages, specializing in French and Spanish He had represented Britain at judo, beco and played the guitar and was capable of being ht, in his role as soer feather in his hat By the ti the ceiling The entire cast, including Annabelle Arden, who had the lead role of Moll Cutpurse, fell into unrestrained giggles each time he executed a lohich caused this enorle over our heads or into our faces Sometioes too far they often start to stir andIt was deeply unprofessional but being deeply unprofessional was one of the , well, not professional

We all squeezed into digs sos on the floor, and even ot on very well very ith certain members of the company It was a wonderful time; the plays were all successful in their oay and we attracted good audiences The pleasure was compounded by excellent reviews; the notoriously difficult Nicholas de Jongh was blush-ly nice: 'Stephen Fry is a name I shall look out for in the future, which is more than can be said for e,' he wrote I have since been a sore disappointht foot Even better news came when the with certain members of the company It was a wonderful time; the plays were all successful in their oay and we attracted good audiences The pleasure was compounded by excellent reviews; the notoriously difficult Nicholas de Jongh was blush-ly nice: 'Stephen Fry is a name I shall look out for in the future, which is more than can be said for e,' he wrote I have since been a sore disappointht foot Even better news cae First, the award that everyone aspired to win in those days awarded us a Fringe First, the award that everyone aspired to win in those days

Sole our Fringe First Award

Aan unsurprising cigarette

There was little time to see any other shows Electric Voodoo Electric Voodoo, this year's Footlights Revue, was composed of coh Laurie, that tall felloith a flag of crimson on each cheek, wasn't in it, nor were Emma or Simon McBurney Emma did coht the Laurie chap with her and she brought the Laurie chap with her

'Hullo,' he said when she pushed him forward to meet me after the show

'Hullo,' I said

'That was very good,' he said 'I really enjoyed it'

'Thank you,' I said 'That is very kind'

The triangles on his cheeks flaive hiht we had a party to celebrate the Fringe First How tall and serious I look in the photograph

Conveniences In the late Septee for ain, Ki and ere allocated A2 in the raduate rooraduates and dons had acconificent built-in bookshelves, a noble fireplace, an excellent gyp-room and bedrooms The s looked out on one side over Old Court and on the other on to the Master's Lodge of St Catharine's, the abode of the august Professor of Mathe a period as Vice-Chancellor The most prized iteany table that cleverly opened up into a wooden lectern I had borrowed this fro of the poems of Ernst Jandl and had somehow failed to return it Ki and Olufsen stereo, Sony Trinitron television and Cafetiere coffee jug We were far froinning to acquire a new significance and desirability I owned a pistachio-coloured Calvin Klein shi+rt whose loss I stillsplendour that I sob just to think of theround floor at the foot of our staircase a se and transfore and new: a ladies' lavatory The outer roo-table with bulbs around the side of its lass jar of Q-tips and a pretty painted porcelain bowl filled with powder-blue, baby-pink and Easter-yellow balls of cotton wool A basket-weave chair freshly painted in white gloss was tucked into the valance or pel the table On the pink-painted walls were three different coin-operated sanitary towel and tampon machines In the lavatory itself a complex incinerator for used exa off the back of the door could be seen a thick swatch of brown Lil-lets disposal bags The whole place screa it' of forgetting it'

Queens' College, after 532 years of single-sex status, had decided to go co-ed Woraduates had arrived this tere

I can picture the scenes at the hs for attention

'Gentleo for women to be '

'I didn't!'

'Nor I!'

'Er, yes, thank you Doctor Bantrey, Professor Threlfall A majority majority of Fellows voted for the admission of women Next term, as you knoill see our first intake ' of Fellows voted for the admission of women Next term, as you knoill see our first intake '

'Will they eat with the rest of us?'