19 Chapter 19: Back home (1/2)

Fred couldn't forget Emily's smiling face as he boarded the plane back home. She had her hands on her belly, and Fred felt like getting off the flight. But he didn't.

Fred was not enjoying himself in first class. He looked absentminded, with pangs of worry every now and then. The guy sitting next to him was clearly annoyed, but Fred didn't care.

Doubts and guilt. It was a dark place. He hadn't felt this gloom in a long time. He let himself feel the emotions, and he fucking hated it.

They had exchanged numbers, and emails. Fred told Emily he would send her money every month. She just nodded, and smiled.

Fred landed. Back home. His parents were there, and they waved at him as he exited the gate. Fred felt warm, then felt bad about feeling good to be back home. How fickle feelings were. He waved back at his parents, and hugged them.

His mother asked question after question about the trip. Fred told her about the beaches, the sand, the tours, the hotel. She liked to hear about the hotel, and Fred showed her a picture of the room. She was clearly impressed.

His father, who was driving them back to town, just drove. He looked happy though. Happy his son was back.

Fred was back in his apartment. He wanted to call Emily, but he didn't. Was it too soon, too early? But she was going to be the mother, of his child! He couldn't just cut her out of his life like that. But he knew he wasn't. The string between him and her was still there, and they were both thinking about each other. Fred calmed down. He felt at peace. It could be wors-

”Don't ever think like that, Fred.”

”And why not?”

”There is no better, or worse. Each life is that, its own. The suffering, the joys, they can only be measured on their own. Comparisons are odious, and simply incorrect. Have you ever seen a stick exactly the same, as another. Sure, there are similarities, and difference. But how useful are those observations? Just serves to look down on others, or look down on yourself.”

Fred thought that was the first time he agreed with the knife.

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Emily gave birth to a healthy boy. She sent Fred a photo, and Fred called her. They talked, like they did on the beach, the first time they met.

Emily's parents loved their grandson. They didn't ask many questions. They asked if she was okay, and Emily replied, yes.