Part 12 (2/2)

”Right,” I say with a snort ”When she asks me how my vacation was I just launch into a diatribe? She wouldslap me”

”Well, then you're really in business,” Dad pipes in ”Because you can sue for assault and none of us will ever havetoworkagain”

My mother, now fully involved, plows on ”Then you just smile warmly, put your arm around her and say, 'Gee,youmakeithardtoworkforyou'Let herknowin a friendlywaythatthisisnotokay behavior”

”Moooyour arht That's it Throw her the mink,” Mom commands ”It's RehearsalTiand have helpedup with ingnextto himand reachesover topourusanotherround

”Okay,you're Mrs X,I'm youHitit”

I clearclass and scrubbing it while you're in the pool? Thanks so much, the chlorine just onders!” I pulltheminkup aroundmyshouldersandaffect afakesmile

My mother's voice is calm and rational ”I want to help you I want to help Grayer But I need so my job to the best of ethertoreed”

”Oh,youworkhere?I thoughtwehadadoptedyou!” I raisemypinkytomymouthinmockalarm

”Well, while it would be an honor to be related to you, I a it then I know you'll bemy boundaries from now on” Dad clapsloudly I fallbackonthefloor

”That'll neverwork,”I groan

”Nan, this woman's not God! She's just a person You need a o in there like Lao!tzuSaynotosayyes Sayitwithme!”

”I say no to say yes I say no to say yes,” I murmur with her as I stare up at the floral wallpaper on the ceiling

Just as we hit a fever pitch, the door flies open and randainstthedoorfras! Anotherin the closet at his fiftieth, just like he did at his fifth Come, dance with me” In a cloud of perfurrft, she sashays over to my father and kisses him on the cheek ”Come on, birthday boy, you can leave your tie and cummerbund here, but at least dance a mambowithyour motherbeforetheclockstrikestwelve!”

Herolls his eyes atthe restof us, but thechane has worn him downHe pulls offhis tie andstands up

”Andyou,lady”Shelooksdownonie”

”Sorryto disappear,Gran It's just this whole ear” ”Goodlord! Between your father and his tuxedo and you and your earain until next Christeous,thedancefloor awaits”

Moinmyearaswefollowthehtnow”

Many dances and bottles of chane later I float back to e slides up to my heels as soon as 1 unlock the door and I carry hie,”1forAsia and I aiddy with the three weeks of little freedohtonin asoft blur Mrs X

”What do you think, George, shall we risk it?” I bend over to let hie” button

”Hi, Nan? Uht number” H H's slurred voice fills theaparttocheckht So u to say 'Happy New Year' Um, I'm inAfrica And ait hat time is it there? Seven hours, that's teneleventwelve Right So I'm with my fa souidesAnd it's thelastoutpost with a phoneBut I just wanted to say that I bet you had a hard week See! I kno you've been workinghardandI justwantedyoutoknow,um

thatI knowthatyou doworkhard, thatis Um, andthatyou have a happy NewYear Okay, sothen hopethisisyourht Sothat's all, justwantedyoutoknowUmbye”

I stuain in the darkness, before passing outwith agrin plasteredto

”Hi,you've reachedCharleneandNanPleaseleave a e”Beep

”Hi, Nanny,I hopeyou're inI'm sureyou're probablyinWell, HappyNewYear” I crackoneeye open ”It's Mrs X I hope you've had a good vacation I'ht o'clock in the e of plans Mr X apparently needs to go back to Illinois for work AndI,well,Grayer's?we're all verydisappointedSo,anyon't begoingtoAspenandI wanted to see what you're up to for the rest of the month” On New Year's Day! I stick forthephone I unplugthereceiverandthrowitonthefloor

There

I pass outagain

RingRingRing Ring

”Hi,you've reachedCharleneandNanPleaseleave a eearlier”I crackoneeye open ”I don't knowiM mentioned, but ifyou couldlet!OnNewYear's Day! I stickfor the phone and this tiout

Ahh,peace

”Hi,you've reachedCharleneandNanPleaseleave a e”Beep

”Hi, Nanny, it's Mrs X,” Jesus! It's ten o'clock in thewith you people? This tiround Not my problem, not my problem, earmuffs I stickfor the answering machine I find the voluht?Ahh,silence

RingRingRing Ring

WHATTHEfuck?

Oh,myGod,it's Ring Ring

Aaaahhhhh!I getoutofbed,butI can't findthesourceoftheGodda

It's under the bed It's under the bed! I start trying to crawl under the bed, still in oalwith thecell I extend,andthrowitinthe laundryha onthefloorinontopof it

Ahah!!Sleep

RingRingRing Ring

I get out of bed, o in the kitchen, open the freezer door, throwinthephone,andgobacktosleep

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