Part 6 (1/2)
The disaster of Mr Vanderpelft was soon repaired by the assiduity of his friends, who disengaged him from the barrel in a trice, hoisted hi the unan to form themselves in order of battle
An obstinate fray would have undoubtedly ensued, had not their iven way to their curiosity, at the ht, who had advanced into the nal for theraceful demeanour, in these words:--”Countrymen, friends, and fellow-citizens, you are this day assembled to determine a point of the utmost consequence to yourselves and your posterity; a point that ought to be determined by far other weapons than brutal force and factious claland, are the basis of that excellent constitution which hath long flourished the object of envy and ad a delegate properly qualified to represent you in the High Court of Parliaht,--inherited froe, and sealed with their blood It is not only your birthright, which you should er, but also a sacred trust, to be executed with the most scrupulous care and fidelity The person whoht not only to be endued with the rity, but should likewise possess a fund of knowledge that islature He must be well acquainted with the history, the constitution, and the laws of his country; he must understand the forative, the privilege of parliaulation of the finances, the different branches of commerce, the politics that prevail, and the connexions that subsist a the different powers of Europe; for on all these subjects the deliberations of a House of Coreat purposes will never be answered by electing an illiterate savage, scarce qualified, in point of understanding, to act as a country justice of peace, a man who has scarce ever travelled beyond the excursion of a fox-chase, whose conversation never rambles farther than his stable, his kennel, and the barnyard; who rejects decorueneracy, e by leaping over gates and ditches, and founds his triu; who holds his estate by a factious tenure, professes hi the principles that gave it birth, or the motives by which it is actuated, and thinks that all patriotis indiscri every measure of the administration Such a ht be used as a dangerous tool in the hands of a desperate faction, by scattering the seeds of disaffection, e the whole kingdoht was interrupted by the shouts and acclamations of the Vanderpelfites, who cried aloud, ”Hear hi life to the iron-cased orator” This cla effect:--
”Such a norance, but is neither so ly betrays his trust, and sues to be the hireling and prostitute of a weak and worthless minister; a sordid knave, without honour or principle, who belongs to no faeneracy, who has no country to coion to regulate his morals, no conscience to restrain his iniquity, and orshi+ps no God but Ma miscreant, who undertakes for the dirtiest work of the vilest ad by wholesale the rewards of venality, and distributing the wages of corruption by retail”
In this place our adventurer's speech was drowned in the acclamations of the fox-hunters, who now triu, ”Well opened, Jowler--to' un, to' un again, Sweetlips! hey, Merry, Whitefoot!” After a short interruption, he thus resumed his discourse:--
”When such a caitiff presents himself to you, like the devil, with a temptation in his hand, avoid hi of disinterested love, for what should induce him, who has no affections, to love you, to whose persons he is an utter stranger?
alas! it is not a benevolence, but a bribe He wants to buy you at one market that he may sell you at another Without doubt his intention is to e of his purchase, and this ai, in sons of a ratification for the faithful discharge of his duty But, even if he should not find an opportunity of selling you to advantage, the crime, the shame, the infamy, will still be the same in you, who, baser than the most abandoned prostitutes, have sold yourselves and your posterity for hire--for a paltry price, to be refunded with interest by some minister, ill indemnify hiht and sold with your own money--the miserable pittance you may now receive is no more than a pitcher full of water thrown in to moisten the sucker of that pump which will drain you to the bottom Let me therefore advise and exhort you, norant clown and the designing courtier, and choose a ence, and moderation, ill”----
The doctrine of moderation was a very unpopular subject in such an assean to think the stranger wanted to set up for himself; a supposition that could not fail to incense both sides equally, as they were both zealously engaged in their respective causes The Whigs and the Tories joined against this intruder, who, being neither, was treated like a monster, or chimera in politics They hissed, they hooted, and they hallooed; they annoyed him with missiles of dirt, sticks, and stones; they cursed, they threatened and reviled, till, at length, his patience was exhausted
”Ungrateful and abandoned miscreants!” he cried, ”I spoke to you as men and Christians--as free-born Britons and fellow-citizens; but I perceive you are a pack of venal, infa, he brandished his lance, and riding into the thickest of the concourse, laid about him with such dexterity and effect, that the multitude was immediately dispersed, and he retired without further ood fortune did not attend squire Crabshaw in his retreat The ludicrous singularity of his features, and the half-mown crop of hair that bristled fros to make merry at his expense; one of the hied, and capered in such a manner, that Timothy could hardly keep the saddle In this co, while the rabble pelted him in such a manner, that, before he could join his master, he looked like a pillar, or rather a pillory of mud
CHAPTER TEN
WHICH SHOWETH THAT HE WHO PLAYS AT BOWLS, WILL SOMETIMES MEET WITH RUBBERS
Sir Launcelot, boiling with indignation at the venality and faction of the electors, whoued to so little purpose, retired with the ates of the town, on the outside of which his curiosity was attracted by a concourse of people, in the midst of whom stood Mr Ferret,round his neck, and a phial displayed in his right hand, while he held forth to the audience in a very veheht himself happily delivered when he reached the suburbs, and proceeded without halting; but his led with the crowd, and heard the orator express himself to this effect:--
”Very likely you may undervalue e of rotten boards, in a shabby velvet coat, and tie-periith a foolish fellow in awry faces; but I scorn to use these dirty arts for engaging your attention These paltry tricks, ad captanduus, can have no effect but on idiots; and if you are idiots, I don't desire you should be my customers Take notice, I don't address you in the style of a dom is full of ion, quacks in physic, quacks in law, quacks in politics, quacks in patriotish Gered the nation into an atrophy But this is not all; they have not only evacuated her into a consumption, but they have intoxicated her brain, until she is becoer pursue her own interest, or, indeed, rightly distinguish it Like the people of Nineveh, she can hardly tell her right hand frohted by an ignis fatuus, a Will-o'-the-wisp, an exhalation froh Westphalian bogs and deserts, and will one day break her neck over so in somire
”For my part, if you have ayourselves and your fellow-citizens, you only dispose of a pack of rascals who deserve to be sold If you sell one another, why should not I sell this here Elixir of Long Life, which, if properly used, will protract your days till you shall have seen your country ruined I shall not pretend to disturb your understandings, which are none of the strongest, with a hotchpotch of unintelligible tereneration, unformed matter, privation, efficient, and final causes Aristotle was a pedantic blockhead, and still more knave than fool The same censure we may safely put on that wiseacre, Dioscorides, with his faculties of simples-- his seminal, specific, and principal virtues; and that crazy commentator, Galen, with his four eleht complexions, his harmonies and discords Nor shall I expatiate on the alkahest of that mad scoundrel, Paracelsus, hich he pretended to reduce flints into salt; nor archaeus or spiritus rector of that visionary Van Helas, fere upon the salt, sulphur, and oil, the aciduum, the mercury of metals, and the volatilised vitriol of other norant, conceited, knavish rascals, that puzzle your weak heads with such jargon, just as a Ger in and ringing the changes on the balance of power, the Protestant religion, and your allies on the continent; acting like the juggler, who picks your pockets while he dazzles your eyes and aibberish of hocus pocus; for, in fact, the balance of power is a ives himself any trouble about it; and allies on the continent, we have none, or, at least, none that would raise an hundred ant price for their assistance
”But, to return to this here Elixir of Long Life, Iepithets; but I disdain to follow the exaabond, that, from idleness, turns quack, and advertises his nostrum in the public papers I am neither a felonious drysalter returned from exile, an hospital stump-turner, a decayed staymaker, a bankrupt printer, or insolvent debtor, released by act of parliament I do not pretend to administer medicines without the least tincture of letters, or suborn wretches to perjure themselves in false affidavits of cures that were never perforue in ularly to the profession of chemistry, and have tried all the processes of alchemy; and I may venture to say, that this here elixir is, in fact, the chruseon pepurolorious, spiritual body, fros derive their existence, as proceeding from their father the sun, and theirand spiritual gold, which is mere fire; consequently, the common and universal first-created s have their distinct and particular motions; and also from the moon, as from the wife of the sun, and the cos
”And forasmuch as man is, and must be, the comprehensive end of all creatures, and the old that is thoroughly fired, or rather pure fire, that he may become rich and like the sun; as, on the contrary, he becomes poor, when he abuses the arsenical poison; so that, his silver, by the fire, must be calcined to a caput mortuum, which happens when he will hold and retain the menstruum, out of which he partly exists, for his own property, and doth not daily offer up the same in the fire of the sun, that the woman may be clothed with the sun, and become a sun, and thereby rule over the et the moon under his feet Now, this here elixir, sold for no more than sixpence a phial, contains the essence of the alkahest, the archaeus, the catholicon, the menstruum, the sun, the enuine, unadulterated, unchangeable, immaculate, and specific chruseon pepuromenon ek puros”
The audience were variously affected by this learned oration So candidate, were of opinion, that he ought to be punished for his presu so scurrilously on ministers and h he could not help ad within himself, that he had mixed some melancholy truths with his scurrility
Mr Ferret would not have stood so long in his rostruly chosen his station iistrates therefore could not take cognisance of his conduct; but application was made to the constable of the other parish, while our nostruer proceeded in his speech, the conclusion of which produced such an effect upon his hearers, that his whole cargo was immediately exhausted He had just stepped down from his stool, when the constable with his staff arrived, and took hiuidance Mr
Ferret, on this occasion, atte theainst such an act of oppression; but finding theures of his elocution, he addressed hi him of his duty to protect the helpless and the injured, and earnestly soliciting his interposition
Sir Launcelot, withoutthe least reply to his entreaties, resolved to see the end of this adventure; and, being joined by his squire, followed the prisoner at a distance, round he had travelled the day before, until he reached another sh, where Ferret was housed in the co on the next step he should take, he was accosted by the voice of Torated with iron, ”For the love of God, Sir Launcelot, do, dear sir, be so good as to take the trouble to alight, and co to coeneral, and you in particular Pray do, dear Sir Knight
I beg a boon in the naland”
Our adventurer, not a little surprised at this address, dis admitted to the common jail, there found not only his old friend Toht-cap on his head, and a pair of spectacles on his nose, reading very earnestly in a book, which he afterwards understood was entitled, The Life and Adventures of Valentine and Orson The captain no sooner saw his great pattern enter, than he rose, and received him with the salutation of, ”What cheer, brother?” and before the knight could answer, added these words: ”You see how the land lies--here have Tom and I been fast ashore these four-and-twenty hours; and this berth we have got by attealley, brother, from the enemy's harbour
Adds bobs! if we had this here fello---eson for a consort, with all our tackle in order, brother, we'd soon show 'em the topsail, slip our cable, and doith their barricadoes But, howsoood strea is--but, d--n my--as for the matter of e with three at a tiht a-head, rubbing and drubbing, lying athwart hawse, raking fore and aft, battering and grappling, and lashi+ng and clashi+ng--adds heart, brother; crash went the bolt-sprit-- down ca but the stars at noon, lost the helm of my seven senses, and down I broached upon htly conceived that his uncle would need an interpreter, he began to explain these hints, by giving a circumstantial detail of his own and the captain's disaster