798 I should be able to do better (2/2)
'You're just an ordinary person with some special powers!
'Stop being so self-righteous! Don't fall into the trap of becoming prideful!
'You can't become a hero who saves the world! Nobody can do that, it's impossible!!'
'Shut up…' Seiji wanted to shout that out loud, but in the end, he remained silent.
Seiji felt fatigued. Standing around on this rooftop wouldn't accomplish anything, so he finally opened up the portal to his Spirit House and entered within.
Everyone looked at him and heaved a sigh of relief when they saw that he seemed to be alright.
After responding to Natsuya and everyone else's concern, Seiji sat down by a table and removed his helmet.
”I found Voidfire and talked to him for a little… But unfortunately, I didn't obtain very much information. That's because the Catastrophe Goddess noticed us and attacked with many spiritual monsters. I managed to escape after some effort. I don't know what happened to him.”
After that, silence.
”Seiji… are you really alright?” Natsuya saw from his expression that he didn't seem very spirited.
”I'm really fine…”
”But your expression doesn't say that you're fine,” Chiaki spoke up. ”What did that Voidfire say to you?”
Seiji didn't seem to be injured anywhere, so his lack of energy must have been due to the conversation with Voidfire, Chiaki surmised.
Seiji responded with silence.
Everyone began to worry about him when they saw him like this.
”Seiji… if it's possible, please tell us,” Mika also spoke up. ”Although we might not be able to help you, perhaps telling us about it will make you feel better.”
Shika and the others didn't say anything. They simply expressed their concern through their expressions.
Something flashed in Seiji's eyes as he felt all this.
He clasped and placed both his hands on the table in front of his face. He used this classical pose to cover half of his expression.
”Voidfire told me that he saw through me. I don't know exactly how much of me he saw through, but his words indeed gave me an impact. As for why I was so impacted, it's because of this catastrophe, and because of all of you…” Seiji then looked around at everyone as he said this.
”Everyone… To be honest, I've actually been hiding a special power of mine from you all. This power is incredibly strong, almost inconceivably strong. Since it's far too strong, I don't dare to casually use it. I cautiously hid this power of mine and kept it as my ace of aces.
”But now, I'm beginning to feel like this way of treating my power could be wrong. If I had used it more actively, and done certain things more proactively, perhaps this entire incident never would have happened. And even if it was destined to happen, perhaps it wouldn't have been so terrible.
”In summary, if it wasn't for me being afraid of my own power, if only I had used it more properly, perhaps many people could be saved, or maybe they wouldn't have been hurt at all…
”And now that such a catastrophe has happened, even if we slay the Catastrophe Goddess in the end and resolve the situation, there will still be several hundred thousand people that died! Perhaps… no, it's almost certain that some of those people will include people you know, or even your friends and relatives.
”And, I can stop all of this.
”I can do better than this.
”I should do better than this.
”As long as I set aside my fear, and stop restraining myself for no good reason, I can… become much stronger, to the point where I can protect many, many people!”
Seiji clenched his hands.
”But… even though I clearly know all this, even though I know what should be correct, I'm still… afraid. I'm afraid that I won't be myself anymore.
”Although it sounds rather chuunibyou, to the point where I think I'm being completely illogical, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid to imagine what I'll become—tragic, depressing, fake.
”Just because of my fear, I haven't been able to save others that I could have, and I keep hesitating… I'm so useless. I'm the worst.”
Seiji then laughed out loud. He had no idea what emotions his laugh contained.