Part 15 (1/2)
My young friend stood in great fear of the priests; she treht of one
Her aunt had read to her the history and sufferings of the persecuted Protestants of Europe She was a frail, and tiirl, yet such was the depth of her piety and the fervor of her religious faith, that she often declared to me that she would prefer death to the abandonment of those heavenly principles she had eave her a pocket New Testae, which she prized above all the treasures of earth, and carried with her carefully, wherever she went I borrowed it and read it every opportunity I had Several chapters I learned by heart I took much pains to commit to memory all I could of the blessed book, for in case of our separation, I knew not where I could obtain another My God-father as a bishop, called to see me on old watch and chain richly studded with jewels,that he had it imported expressly for my use I had also several diamond articles of jewelry, presents I had received from my father froold, which I had saved from my pin iven for a copy of the Holy Bible, in e A few months after I received the rich present from the Bishop, he called with my father and my confessor to see ht froe, and enter the chapel door of the convent Very soon the lady porter canorina, you are wanted in the parlor”
As ht th, I walked into my room, locked the door, and ona nun--for I knew then it was a determination on the part of the Abbess, bishop and confessor, that I should take the veil I was the only child, and heiress of an iood a prize to be lost
After a short and fervent prayer to my Lord and Saviour, I walked down to see as to be my doom I kissed my father's cheek, and kissed the hands of the Bishop and confessor--yet my very soul revolted froreat cordiality, yea, even , my father asked per hter, you are not aware of the great misfortune that has recently come upon your father
While I was excited ine at the card-table last evening, betting high and winning vast suot myself and my duty to the laws of the country, that I called for a toast, and induced a number of my inebriated companions to drink the health of Italian liberty, and we all drank and gave three cheers for liberty and a liberal constitution A Benedictine Friar being present, took all our naainst us in the King's Court As this is my first and only offence, the holy Bishop your God-father offers on certain conditions, to visit Rome immediately on my behalf, and secure the mediation of the holy Father Pius IX Your venerable God-father has great influence at Ro a special favorite with his holiness, and his holiness can obtain any favor he asks of King Ferdinand So if you will only consent to take the Black Veil, your father will be saved fro and palpitating heart It was the first heavy blow that I had experienced in this vale of tears I did not speak for so bosom heaved like the waves of the ocean before the blast My veins were al; my hands and feet became as cold as marble, and when I attempted to speak ht my last hour had come I fell upon my knees and called upon God for reatly alar the result ofmy father weep and sob aloud, came in to see what the matter was In the midst of my prayer, I fainted away, and became entirely unconscious When I came to myself, I found myself on the bed
As I opened my eyes, it all seemed like a dream The abbess spoke to me very kindly, and sprinkled e bronze crucifix onthat Satan must be driven from my soul, for had it not been for the devil, I would have leaped for joy, and not fainted when father mentioned the black veil
”No,” said the holy mother, ”had it not been for the devil you would rejoice to take the holy black veil blessed by the Holy Madonna and the blessed saints Clara and Theresa It is a holy privilege that very few can enjoy on earth Yea, ht of the Madonna and the blessed saints, than to reject a secluded life Yea,” said the crafty old nun, (as thinkinglady who had the offer of becoood end If they refuse, and enerally die in child-bed with the first child, or they will marry cruel husbands, who beat thehter, let me most affectionately warn you as you have had the honor of being selected by the holy Bishop and our holy confessor to the high dignity and privilege of a professed nun, of the order of St Ursula, reject it not at your peril Be assured, heaven kno to punish such rebellion”
My head ached so violently at the tied the old woman to send for my mother, and to talk to me no more on the subject of the black veil, but to drop it until soainst old, I felt such a passion of rage come upon me, that had I absolute power for the moment I would have cast every Abbess, Pope, Bishop and Priest into the bottoive ood will The greatest coit read by her e had a chance to be by ourselves, which was not very often
In the evening of the same day of my illness, father and mother came to see me, and Satan came also in the shape of the confessor; so that I had not a moment alone with my dear parents The confessor feared my determined opposition to a convent's life, for he had previous to this, several tireat happiness, purity, serenity and joy of all holy nuns But I always told hiood, it would kill me in a short time ”No, no, father,” said I, ”I WILL NOT BE A NUN”
Father spoke to reat misfortune--told me that his trial would come on in a few days and that he was now at liberty on a very heavy bail; that the Bishop was only waiting my answer to start immediately for the holy city, and throw himself at the feet of the holy Pope to procure father's unconditional pardon fro will you be iet a pardon?” ”Frohter, it is my first offence, and I have witnesses to prove that the priest who appeared against ed e quantity, and was the direct cause ofwhat I did” Now it all came to et my father in the clutches of the law, and then h my sympathy for my dear father
The vile priests knew that I loved my father most ardently; in fact, s on earth that I did love My mother I loved most tenderly, but my affection for my father was of a different kind I loved him most violently, with all the ardor of my soul Mother seemed all the home to me; but father was to me all the world beside My father was all the brother I had He would frequently coarden and play with hi, run, juaavewrong, he would takeyou a prisoner, let her be kept on bread and water till dinner time” Even when mother had displeased him about some trifle, so that he had not a smile for her, he always had a smile for his Flora Even nohile I write, a chill comes over my frame, while I think of that vile Popish plot I said to my father, ”You shall not be imprisoned if I can prevent it; at the saain, cohter put in prison for life, without the hope of liberty ever more, to save you from two years imprisonment”
At these words, the eyes of the confessor flashed like lurid lightnings; his very fraue Truth seeestion Father andtheir only child in a dungeon for life, though it ion, did not seeive them much comfort ”Father,” said I, ”I wish to see you at ten o'clock to-, without fail--I wish to see you alone; don't bring o to prison, all will yet be well” On account of this reasonable request, to see e and left the apartment As quick as the mad priest left us to ourselves, I told my father my plan, or what I would like to do with his peret into our carriage and drive to the palace of King Ferdinand and make him acquainted with all the truth; for I are fro had heard only the priest's side of the story My father stood in such fear of the priests that he only consented to ht first to make our plan known to the confessor, lest he should be offended To this hter, it would be very wrong for us to go to the King, or take any step without the advice of our spiritual guide” Here, I felt it to be my duty to reveal to my deceived parents soht, in their esti the seal of iniquity I revealed to my parents the frequent efforts of the priest to obtain my consent to take the veil, and that I had opposed froument made use of to rob me of the society ofI held dear on earth As to the happiness of the nuns so much talked of by the priests, froeneral deportment, I was fully convinced that there was no reality in it; they were mere slaves to their superiors, and not half so happy as the free slaves on a plantation who have a kind master My parents saw my determination to resist to the death every plan for my imprisonment in the hateful nunnery Therefore they pro on theday, at twelve o'clock, we left the convent in our carriage for the palace We were very politely received by the gentleman usher, who conducted us to seats in the reception-roo, aited nearly one hour before he made his appearance His majesty received us with much kindness, raised us ireatly embarrassed at first, but the frank and cordial n soon restored me to my equilibriu heard h very patiently, with apparent interest, and said, ”Signorina, I am inclined to believe you have spoken the truth; and as your father has always been a good loyal subject, I shall, for your sake, forgive him this offence; but let him beware that henceforth, wine or no wine, he does not trespass against the laws of the kingdonoras, you have my royal word”
We thanked his s O, how brief was our joy! My father, who had been waiting the result of our visit to the palace with great impatience, received us with open arain
I was so excited that, long before we got to him, I cried out, ”All is well, all is well, father A pardon fro! Joy, joy!” We drove host his friends All our faithful do my old affectionate nurse, were so overjoyed at the news that they danced about like ent and liberal master, furnished his servants with the best of Italian fare, plenty of fresh beef, wine, and ot rested, when our tornoras, what is the st the servants? ARE THE HERETICS ALL KILLED, that there should be such joy, or has the queen been delivered of a son, an heir to the throne?”
My dear mother was now as pale as death, and silent, for she saw that the priest fully enraged; for, although he feigned to s his prey out of the grave The priest's dark and villainous visage had the effect of confir the plot to enslave me for life, and secure all my father's estate to the pockets of the priests The confessor was now terribly mad, for two obvious reasons: one was because he was not received by us with our usual cordiality and blind affection; the other, because, by the king's pardon, I was not under the necessity to sacrifice my liberty and happiness for life to save my father from prison; and what tor, could understand and thwart his hellish plans Asthe priest was cursing her and her only daughter in his heart,--for the priests tell such awful stories about the effects of a priest's curse that the great ue or any earthly misfortune
The popish priests declare that St Peter is the doorkeeper of the great city of God, the heavenly Jerusaledom of heaven, and has received strict orders not to admit any soul, under any circumstances, who has been cursed by a holy priest, unless that curse has been removed by the saed to speak to his reverence, and I felt so free, so happy in Christ as my only hope, that I opened ht of him and his plot ”Sir priest,” said I, ”I shall never return to the convent to stay long As soon as the time for my education ends, I shall return to liberty and domestic life I am not made of the proper material to make a nun of I love the social domestic circle; I love s and the cats, pigeons, and canaries, the fish-ponds, play-grounds, gardens, rivers, and landscapes, mountain and ocean,--all the works of God I love I shall live out of the convent to enjoy these things; therefore, reverend sir, if you value ood-will, never speak toa nun in any convent I shall prefer death to the loss of my personal liberty”
I was so decided, and had received such strength and grace from heaven, that the priest was du had hit hiood-natured, he drew near hter, you hter, I wish only your happiness Your God-father, the holy Bishop, does not intend that you shall remain a common nun more than a year After the first year you shall be raised to the highest dignity in the convent You shall be the Lady Superior, and all the nuns shall bow at your feet, and implicitly obey your commands
”The Lady Superior of St Clara is now very old, and his lordshi+p wishes soon to fill her place For that purpose he has selected his adopted daughter Your talents, education, wealth, and high position in society, enities on earth”
”A thousand thanks for the kindness of my lord Bishop,” said I; ”but your reverence has not altered my mind in the least I can never bon to the feet of any Lady Superior, neither will I ever consent to see a single huraded at my feet The holy Bible says, 'Thou shalt worshi+p the Lord thy God, and hihter!” exclaierous book? Know you not that his holiness the Pope has placed it in the Index Expurgatorius, because it has been the means of the damnation of millions of souls? Not because it is in itself a bad book, but because it is a theological work, prepared only for the priests and ion Therefore, it is always a very dangerous book in the hands of women or laymen, rest the Scriptures to their own destruction”
”Well, reverend sir,” I replied, ”you seem determined to differ from the Lord Jesus and his apostles I read in the New Testament that we should search the Scriptures because they testify of Christ And one of the apostles, I don't reiven by the inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine and for instruction in righteousness' Now, reverend sir, if the people have souls, as well as the priests, why should they not read the word of God which speaks of Christ and is profitable for instruction?”
”You are almost a heretic!” exclaimed the priest, ”and you talk very ed to a pale sickly hue, as he said, ”My daughter, where did you get that dangerous book? If you have, it in your possession, give it to me, and I will bless you, and pray for you to the blessed Madonna that she may save you from the infernal pit of heresy”
”I do not own the blessed book,” said I, ”but I wish I did I would give one hundred scudi in gold for a copy of the New Testament I borrowed a copy froain But I understand that there are copies to be had in London, and when I have a good opportunity I shall send for a copy, if I can do it unbeknown to any one”
”Enough, enough!” exclaimed the priest ”I shall be in the tribunal of penance at six o'clock PM; there I shall expect to meet you You need pardon immediately, and spiritual advice Should you die as you now are without absolution, you would be lost and da that the devil has got such a powerful hold of you It may even be absolutely necessary to kill the body to save your soul; for should you relapse again into heresy after due penance for this criain to repentance, seeing you crucify the Lord and the Madonna afresh, and put them to an open shame”
Here ave th, and I said in a reat, I would not go to any o to God alone, and leave my cause in his hands, life or death