22 21. Redwine (1/2)

The car journey was painfully long with Augustus and Ben at each other's throats. It started when Augustus wanted to sit shotgun next to Ben instead of Sam but ended up next to me at the back. Needless to say, my ride's music was Augustus' constant mutterings every time Sam placed a hand on Ben's left shoulder to emphasize a point as he drove. I almost lost it before we finally reached the hospital.

Ben parked and we all filed out of the car. Augustus stood next to me, looking unyielding with his sharp-looking, black coat and angry eyes. Sam stretched and headed toward the hospital's entrance with Ben.

”Romeo, if you don't do something, I seriously might end up killing Benny.” He whispered using the nickname Sam used and I sighed.

”Augustus. Stop being so obviously jealous-”

”I'm definitely not jealous.”

”Then act like it.” I snapped exasperatedly as we entered the hospital and reached for the registrar.

Sam was asking if it was okay to visit Zig and they said it was fine. I honestly didn't know what happened to Zig, but he had been in the hospital for almost a month. It must have been some serious injury.

I booked an appointment with a doctor to get my cast removed before I had to endure an extremely long and awkward lift ride with me standing impatiently right in front of the doors, and the three of them behind me, Augustus openly staring at Sam in disbelief, and she ignoring him and whispering to Ben.

Reaching Zig's room was my favourite part of the day.

Ben glanced at Augustus before facing Sam and pointing at him. ”He coming in?”

”Of course, I am,” Augustus interfered hotly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. ”I'm his best mate.”

”Oh, so-” Ben started teasingly, then paused. ”-so you're gay too?”

”Are you serious?” Augustus demanded, sounding offended as Sam snickered.

”Am I not?” Ben asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest too, and raising an eyebrow.

I cleared my throat before Augustus progressed in any undesired path as he usually would when he was livid.

”Why are you so aggressive?” Sam then asked, drawing Augustus' attention as I rolled my eyes, readying myself for another unnecessary fight.

”Can we just-” enter? I tried pathetically. I swear I did but Augustus was hot on his heels with coming back.

”I am not,” he snapped coldly. ”I am not aggressive.”

”Stop talking like that!” She said, and he raised his eyebrows.

”You don't get to tell me how to talk. Sam.” He scowled at her.

Sam then huffed, before turning away from us and entering Zig's room with Ben. Augustus didn't even look at me before he too entered, and I followed, sighing. Drama.

Zig was lying on the bed with his legs hanging in a cast. He looked beaten and I wondered what the actual hell happened to him.

”Gussy!” was the first thing Zig uttered when I closed the door behind us. ”Holyshit mate, I missed you! Last time I saw was like what? A week ago?”

Augustus grinned and walked to his side as Ben and Sam sat on a sofa by his bed while I stood at the bed's foot expressionless, tapping my feet as I patiently waited for them to undergo their 'human' rituals.

”And, oh my God,” Zig then turned to me and I slowly averted my gaze to him. ”-you came to check on me?”

I blinked at him, lost at words before I nodded silently, smiling tightly.

Whatever dickhead.

”And now that I know you're good, I'll leave,” I said quickly and everyone nodded. ”It's good seeing you again.” I lied as he grinned feebly.

I honestly couldn't care less.

When I exited the room, I exhaled a sigh of relief. I then headed to the doctor who after checking on the wound, told me that I could get my patch removed and start physiotherapy for my arm.

I got the patch removed and felt the weakness in my arm. There was also an unsightly scar etched on my right shoulder that made me tear my gaze away. That scar will always be there to painfully remind me of my weakness and of the day I lost everything in.

Will always remind Father. This scar and the nine burn scars on my back.

Father used to say that I should always be independent. Never be someone's burden. Never be someone's worry. Burdens and worries burn, he used to tell me. Make sure that your enemies and friends drink from whatever you're drinking, he'd say. Even if it were poison, he'd smile. If you're happy, make them happy, and if you're dying, let them follow. Those burns are the side-effects of what you've cost me, son, he'd say calmly. He'd call me son.

I blinked Father's words away.

As the doctor started cleaning my arm with an antiseptic, I looked at my ring and fiddled with it, irritated at my inability to have done anything here. I sighed and ran my right hand over my face in frustration, then pushed back the hair that fell over my eyes.

”Julius?” The doctor asked, snapping me out of my chain of thoughts.

”Yes?” I glanced at her stressed, ageing face and her fake smile, distractedly.

”How did you get shot?”

I looked at her not surprised by the question.

”It wasn't here. I was practising shooting with my father. Something went wrong. The bullet backfired, I guess.” I gave her the same explanation that I'd been giving to every doctor I met about this bloody shot.

”Did you report them or do you want to now?”

”That was four months ago, Doctor. Besides, there's no one to report.” I shrugged with a faint smile.

Four months ago. Four months ago when I lost Audrey. Four months when I got my lesson for all the cruel actions I'd been responsible for when I heard the soft thud of Audrey's body on the ground.

And that deafening silence that followed.

Four months that I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I could go back to, to make things different. To save my life. Audrey.

”-go.” I looked at the doctor confounded as I felt the tears fill my eyes.

”Pardon?” I said, solidifying my voice and clearing my throat. It seemed that surrounding myself with pure souls like Augustus and Samara made me sentimental. Or by my and Father's terms, pathetic and pitiful.

”You may go.” She repeated with a tired smile before retreating to her desk. I got off the bed, put on my shirt, jacket, and jade-green scarf, and turned toward the door. Before opening the door, I turned to the doctor. She looked at me expectantly. I blinked at her crinkled, gentle brown eyes, inhaled deeply, and frowned.

I didn't know what I was doing. But I knew that it had to be done. I needed to get it all off my chest. Audrey was there for me whenever my breath tightened from stress and confusion. When I wasn't myself. She'd hold my hands and advice me. I had no one after her. I couldn't confide to anyone here either. At least, not yet. And I needed to throw it all behind and never, ever look back again.

”Doctor-” I said, looking down, feeling my chest tighten with the truth that was about to burst from my lips. ”Doctor-” I repeated, wringing my hands before dropping them back to my sides. ”Have you ever lost someone close to you?”

My question was fast and unsure. I remember there was a very long pause. It wasn't awkward. It was just very long. The doctor was caught off guard by it before she looked at me with a sad smile. She then nodded quietly and closed her eyes as if in pain.

”I lost my mother when I was sixteen,” I said, looking straight. ”And I think life would've been different if she was around.” I exhaled loudly and blinked back the tears that heaved down on my eyelids. The doctor nodded slowly, devoting her complete attention to me. ”And I also lost my girlfriend and my baby-” Every worry tumbled out of my mouth as I felt my forehead throb with their loss.

I then stopped to study her. Was what I was doing right? Was it normal for patients to converse like that with their doctors? Because a big part of me was recoiling in 'cringement' (I made that word up to convey my feelings).

”Problem is, Doc-” I said, quickly biting my lip and releasing it. ”-I can't make peace with it. I can't seem to let it go. I can't-” I stopped to take a deep breath. ”Especially my mom-”

I looked away to dry my tears and when I looked back, the doctor was standing in front of me. She smiled warmly, then gently placed a hand on my cheek. I looked at her hand surprised. My heart raced in my chest.

This was level 'infinity-one-o-one' of cheesiness. Like I can't withstand remembering what I'd done right now. But since it was done, it had to be said. So here I am, holding the pen so bloody tight as I illustrate whatever the hell this emotionally confused Julius was doing.

”I wish there was something I could prescribe to heal your pain. I really wish that son.” She said, her eyes twinkling with tears and motherly love. ”But you have to carry on,” she paused to sniff. ”You have to be strong enough to carry on. People will come and go, love. And you're expected to stand still against all odds. You have to. That would've been what your mother and girlfriend wanted you to do.”