Part 50 (2/2)

'I do not'

'What, you are a dangerous man; and are forbidden the house? Well, I declare, I shall _absolutely_ know your whole history in five_positively_ told ination'

'I have heard that the aunt is a very cautious _chaperon_ But, I tell you what: I will be your friend The Mowbrays are lately become intimate with two families where I visit And I will _absolutely_ take you with hts I will _positively_'

This proposition was so grateful, and my thanks were so much more prompt than my recollection, that her ladyshi+p was quite confirmed in her surmises; and not a little pleased with her own talent at discovery

Her accusation however was very true All she could _positively_ say could not _absolutely_ draw my attention from the box of Olivia, whose turns andthat souide her eye toward me

Nay I partly hoped and partly feared the sa now influenced by the respectable station which I at present seeht turn to e, in the jealous apprehensions of the old lady

Busied as hts were and absorbed in anxious attention, this anxiety was soon overcoentleman entered Olivia's box! My eyes were instantly turned on him Recollection was roused My heart beat It surely was he! I could not be lass was applied, and my fears confirmed

It was, indeed, the Earl of Idford

Here then, in a ma was solved The peer who had aspired to the hand of Olivia, and who tenity, could be no other than Lord Idford He had long been intimate with Hector, and now comes without ceremony and joins the family See how the aunt smiles on him! Nay, mark! Olivia is attentive to him! Her lipswith him, and at her ease, while I am racked by all the terrors that jealousy can raise! What, can she not cast one look this way? Is she fascinated by a reptile? Is there no instinctive sympathy, that should make her tremble to betray the dearest interests of love in the very presence of the lover! Does she act co that I will dart upon that insect; that thing; which, being less than man, presumes because it is called Lord! Thinks she that I will not crush, tear, tread, him to dust? He, the defrauder of enius by infa my destruction by arts which the basest cowards blush at! Is he the fiend that cos and horrors unutterable?

Fros of the mind I was a little recovered, by the very serious alares of ised, pleaded indisposition, but presently was lost again in revery Fortunately, a gentleman of her ladyshi+p's acquaintance came into the box, and left me to continue my embittered meditations

Olivia was now attentive to the music; and the lord had only her aunt and Hector, apparently, to bestow his conversation upon

This was some relief; and so far allayed the fever of my mind as to call me back to self examination, and to question my own conduct

For the earl I could not but have the most rooted contempt I could not co who ought to be preferred

But what reason had I to accuse Olivia? What did these angry emotions of my soul forebode? Perhaps that my habitual irritability, were she mine, would make her miserable!

What was the end of existence? Happiness Had I not a right then to be happy? Yes But so had she So had her aunt Nay so had that rival, odious and despicable as he hose appearance had raised this tempest in my soul

But was constraint, was force, justifiable in this aunt; or in this insignificant, this selfish lord?

Force it is said is the law of nature; and it is that lahich i upon the la appetite But, if so, if self-gratification were a defensible motive, the detestable Norman robber, the in, to deflower, murder her and prey on her reitated , I stared with fixed attention toward Olivia; and, had she not been almost motionless, my passive trances could not have continued

The first dance was over, the second act had begun, more visitors came to pay their respects to Lady Bray, and I endeavoured to recollect ht well be construed inattention, if not ill ht injure me even in that point on which I was then so deeply intent I uttered two or three sentences; and her ladyshi+p co attention of Olivia to the scene, for it was i at her every moment, contributed to calm my fears

It did ain to the consideration of that ierous in ht not these fevers of the soul hurry e to justify such excess? Had I not heard the reproaches of her aunt for her having refused the hand of this Lord: if this Lord it should happen to be? When he entered the box, what had she done, that should excite such frantic ecstacies in me? What, except return those civilities without which it is impossible for man or woman to be amiable? Did she now coquet, prattle, and display her power; tempted as she was by such a public scene of triuent heart could desire?

Every question that the facts beforepassions; and, luckily for hts took that train which was most corrective and healthful They ledand nified, yet not austere; firm, yet not repulsive; circu affections without which circumspection is but meanness

Nor were these visionary attributes: such as the disordered iination of a lover falsely bestows They were as real as those personal beauties by which they were eifted, and to be the lunatic which my own reproaches at this moment pictured me, was to demand that which I did not deserve To be worthy of her, it was fit I should resemble her