Part 42 (2/2)

'You have supposed e accident I cannot divine Under that supposition, it was my miraculous fortune, my ecstatic bliss, to hear you, with a purity of heart and a dignity of sentiment such as none but a heart like yours could conceive or express, avow a former partiality in favour of one hatever n his life to secure your happiness: of one who, in his over-weening affection has fondly and foolishly cherished the persuasion that this happiness is inseparable from his own: nay who partly hopes and partly believes, so blind is his egotism, that he is the only man on earth who fully comprehends your wonderful worth andthe fixed purpose of his soul, that of finally deserving you, froh life will be invariable in that ad love without which the life of Olivia ht perhaps be miserable These may be the dreams of vanity, and folly: yet, if I do not mistake, they are the dreams of all lovers They are indeed the aliht can equal that of revelling, in iination, on the happiness we can bestow on those who have bliss so ineffable to bestow upon us?

'What then if I were to see this Olivia mated with a man so dull of faculty as soon to lose all sense of the wondrous treasure in his possession: who never perhaps had any discri to barter it for any vile and conteaw that may allure his depraved taste, or sickly appetite? Is there no such roundless?

'At what an immeasurable distance do I seem cast from the enjoyment of that supreination could make me aspire! There is but one means by which I can be happy

Either I a

Either I rise into Godlike existence, or I sink unknown and never to be remembered Either we are made for each other, or--I dare not think on the reverse It is too distracting

'Yet I have no hope! What I norite is presumption, is madness! And why? It is not your beauty, your virtues, or the supreulph of misery between us No

Avarice, vanity, and prejudice are my enemies It is they that would sacrifice you at their altars That you will persevere in your refusal is my only hope

'How shall I palliate, what I cannot defend, my behaviour while I overheard you and your aunt? In vain do I plead that I was asleep, when you came into the coach; and that I first discovered you by the sound of your voice and the turn of the conversation; that I dreaded exciting any sudden alarht most to have spoken, when I became the subject of the discourse, I was then chained in silence by unconquerable e that s; not knowing, while they passed, what it was that I did

'My destiny now is to study the law; and to this hts shall be devoted: but the distance at which I see ed, by every possible effort, to shut out of my memory

'I am in want of consolation; but since your society is denied me, I know not where it may be found I own, there are itated Yet I do not solicit an answer Let me rather perish than proed to doubt; since it cannot I suppose be done without concealht ofdesire I have to make myself every orthy of that unutterable bliss to which I aspire

'Mad be treated, by those whoht you to revere! I confess this is a thought which I cannot endure Yet I can less endure to relinquish my impossible hopes Could you conceive what these contradictory and tor sensations are, you would perhaps be induced to pardon soant acts which I heard you so mildly, yet so justly, censure

'To be yours then is the end for which I live; and yetrevolts, to think I should entreat you to accept a pauper, either in wealth or principle Well, then, I will not waste my time, in complaint Let me become worthy of you, or let me perish!+

Fool! That is impossible But if fall I must, I will endeavour to make my ruin respectable

'Suffer me to inform you that I have lately acquired a friend whose virtues are beyond edmy studies and pursuits, as an act of duty incumbent on us both Our acquaintance has been short; and so, considering the serious nature of the subject, was the debate that led to this conclusion: yet his arguments seehtly Oh that it was allowed ! But wishes are vain

'Thus far I have intruded, yet know not how to end My only hope that you will take no offence at what I have written is in the conscious respect that uided htly to attribute uid is all that I have written! Aes that so eternally hauntuments which seem so all-persuasive, melt me in tenderness at one moment, supply me with the most irresistible elocution the next, and convince you while they inspire me with raptures inexpressible? Are they all flown, all faded, all extinct? Where is the fervor that devours me?

'I would pray for your happiness! I would supplicate heaven that no ed! Shall it then be disturbed by me? Oh no Unless authorised by hopes, as different as they are wild and improbable, pardon but this, and you shall never more be subject to the like i writtenit delivered If it were addressed directly to her, what certainty had I that it would not be opened by the aunt? Nay was not that indeed the most probable? And would it in that case ever be seen by Olivia? In my apprehension certainly not

I had then to chuse whether I would send a er, who should wait about the house and take some opportunity to deliver it clandestinely; or commit it to the care either of Mary or Miss Wiler was a very objectionable expedient: it was mean, and liable to detection Theof the saence of Miss Wilmot rendered her intervention much the most desirable

It was a delicate office to require of her But she could speak the truth: she could say that it was to relate soht even desire to know, that it contained nothing which I ht fit to shew it; that it did not invite her to any improper correspondence; and that it was the only one which, under the present circumstances, I ht be convinced I had neither deceived myself nor her in this account, which I should instruct her to give of it, I hastened with it to her lodgings, and requested her to read it before it was sealed Having ended, she was so well satisfied with the propriety both of writing and delivering it that she readily undertook the latter office; and, with her I left it, hoping that Olivia would soon call, would read it in her presence, and that I should quickly learn what ht be the sensations it should produce