Chapter 7 (2/2)
”K was seeking enlightenment, the truth of the universe He had declared that it was necessary to sacrifice all earthly desires to achieve that goal But in spite of all that, he had fallen in love He had failed to suppress an earthly desire Do you re I am not prepared to do?' It hen the older irl”
” 'What happened to all of your lofty ideals?' ” Ricardo whispered
”Around that part of the story, the older man said that to K”
”That's right He was prepared for everything, even death At that time, K had already made up his mind to commit suicide He had becohteous path and lost sight of his only goal in life Co was clearly explained in his suicide note K died because he illed and saw no hope for this future' I ih standards, he was unable to forgive hi astray”
I ht
”That's why his suicide was not caused by betrayal Nor was it caused by the anguish of heartbreak I think it was his way of atoning for a ression”
I waited for Ricardo's response
”What you propose is not an answer to the universal question of 'What kills people?' However, it is a valid interpretation of Kokoro”
Ricardo turned to me and said this after a moment in silence with his eyes closed There was a hint of so in his eyes that bared a resemblance to despair On the other hand, Ihim But nonetheless this deeply disturbed me
A moment later, he sree with you”
Ricardo went quiet after that It was unfair of hiave ered ive some kind of an answer But just as I opened my mouth to express my discontent, he cut me off
”Why do you keep co to see me?”
I tried to speak, but nothing caave no indication about what he was thinking At a loss for how to interpret his question, I finally ed to force a feords out
”Does it bother you?”
”Does it sound like it bothers me?”
”Yes, it does”
Ricardo grinned wary
”I just don't get it I can't understand why a young boy like you would want to spend time with someone like me”
So bothered me about Ricardo that was hard to put into words At tieneration different fro life, and was now spending out the rest of his days burning out slowly But at the salow of his white skin that gracefully reflected the lights of the room
”A guy of your age ht with You probably have a girlfriend too”
”No, I don't have…”
I shookto take effect
”I feel like everyone in my department is in a different world It's like they are all inside an invisible circle, and I'm the only one outside”
Ricardo carefully chose his words
”Do you want to be inside that circle?”
”No,” I said with a gentle smile
”I think that I was never meant to be in the circle,” I said with confidence ”It took o ith them, the way oil doesn't mix ater In that sense I am, in essence, alone And I want to remain alone No one can put me inside that circle”
Once I finished speaking, I gazed at Ricardo
To be honest, at that time I fully expected Ricardo-a ree with me
Ricardo A man outside of the circle, a man who didn't quite fit in with anyone else
Just like me
Ricardo siree, nor did he disagree In fact, he gave no answer at all, leavingcruelly betrayed
I too fell quiet, and Ricardo, seeing , and we talked about books we'd been reading lately Right around the time a thin scab had formed over the terrible injury he had inflicted upon ain The e it seeo for at an antique shop Ricardo looked up frolanced at me
”Joe, you really should go home soon”
Oddly, I was reluctant to return hootten how badly Ricardo had hurthow si boy
”Can I coain?”
”Sure But I' to do”
Ricardo e that I was a student I said farewell and left the hotel Outside the hotel, a frigid wind blew, passing right throughmy skin like needles
Once in a while, Ricardo would speak to me like this with a cold, distant attitude I had been certain ere on good terms, which is why it pained me so
It wasn't much later until I learned that Ricardo's intention was not to hurt me, but rather the exact opposite
He had been doing everything in his power to keep fro me
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