Volume II Part 13 (1/2)
”My child, if thou wert strong and ive me if I show this little one too much too early!”
His eyes wore here an expression so divine, so little earthly that I turned away, still holding his hand, which I bathed in tears that fell shi+veringly from my dull heart like rain from a sultry sky It was the tone that pierced me; for I knew not what he_how much_
”Sir, you could not tell ht me all I know already, and I don't intend ever to learn of anybody else”
”My child, it is God who taught thee It is so thou hast to teach _ about myself?” I chose to say so, but did not think it
”No; about some one those eyes of thine do love to watch and wait on, so that sometimes I am almost jealous of thine eyes! But it cannot be a hardened jealousy while they are so baby-kind”
”It is Maria, then, sir, of course But they are not babies,--my eyes, I mean; for they know all about her, and so do I I knohy soh us instead of at us It is because she is seeing other eyes in her soul, and our eyes are only just eyes to her, and nothing else,--you knohat I mean, sir?”
I said all this because I had an instinctive dread of his self-betrayal beyond as needed Alas! I had not even curiosity left But I was mistaken in him, so far He leaned forwards, stroked my hair, and kissed it
”Whose eyes, then, Carlomein?”
”My master, Anastase, is that person whose eyes Ito ask thee assuredly, thou art an infant, and couldst even make me smile That is a fancy only Not Anastase, uish curled beneath those coaxing tones!
”Sir, I know nothing about it, except that it is true But that it is true I _do_ know, for Maria told me so herself; and they will be married as soon as she is educated” I trembled as I spoke in sore dismay; for the truth was borne to me that moment in a flash of h to say, ”Oh that I were Maria!” He turned to me in an instant;released the hand I held I looked up now, and saw that aas that of death--had fixed his features I threw entleness I kissed the glistening dress, the spangled sleeves He moved not, murmured not At last my tears would flow They rushed, they scalded; I called out of the midst of them, and heard that h my hot lips
”Oh, let my heart burst! Do let me break my heart!” I sobbed, and a shi+ver seeht me closer to his breast, and bowed his soft curls till they ith h It heaved not No passion swelled the pulses of that heart; still he shi+vered as if his breath were passing
In many, many minutes I heard his voice; it was a voice all tre ”Carlomein, you will ever be dearer to ht; for you have seen sorrow no man should have seen, and no woman could have suffered You knohat I wished; yet perhaps not yet,--how should you? Carlomein, when you become a man I hope you will love me as you do nohen you knohat I do feel, what I do wish May you never despise suffering for my sake! May you never suffer as I do! You _only_ could; I know no one else, poor child! God take you first, before you suffer _so_ You see the worst of it is, Carlomein, that we need not have suffered at all, if I had only known it froe, is it not?” He spoke as if inviting me to question him
”What, dearest sir?”
”That she should not love me How could she help it?”
Of all his words, few as they were indeed, these touched me most I felt, indeed, how could she help it? But I was, child as I was, too wise to say so
”You see, sir, she could not help loving Anastase!”
”Nor could I help loving her, nor can I; but the sorrow is, Carlomein, that neither on earth nor in heaven will she wish to be mine”
”Sir, in heaven it won't matter whether she married Anastase or not; for if she were perfect here, she could but love you, and _there_ she will be perfect and will understand you, sir”
”Sweet religion, if true Sweet philosophy,--false as pleasant”
”But, sir, you will not be unhappy, because it is of no use; and besides, she will find it out, and you would not like that And you will not break your heart, sir, because of music”
”I should never break my heart, Carlchen, under any earthly circumstances” He smiled upon me indifferently; a pure disdain chiselled every feature in that attitude ”There is now no more to be said I need scarcely say, my child, never speak of this But I _will_ cootten”
He rose, and passed his hand, eary grace, over the curls that had fallen forward; and then he took ether, I knew not whither
I returned that night with my brother and sister to Cecilia I never had taken part in a scene so brilliant as the concluding banquet, which was in the open air, and under shade la that happened to me, was cold all over, and for a time, at least, laid aside my very consciousness Millicent was positively alarly, to excitement; and it was in consequence of her suspicion that we retired very early