Part 4 (1/2)

Doubtless ination would be better one who exists somewhere and whom he does not know But he wisely does not spend his life in vain search after her, but settles doith the first decently sensible woain Besides, there was the power of use and wont to be considered Ellen had no vice of temper, no meanness, and it was not iood a helpether, we shouldher, I should be relieved fro me to death, and should have a home

So it has always been with me When there has been the sternest need of prouainst every course that I have despaired I have at ood, but I aht to be applied

A general principle, a fine saying, is nothing but a tool, and the wit of man is shown not in possession of a well-furnished tool-chest, but in the ability to pick out the proper instrument and use it

I re to answer Ellen's letter, until at last I turned out for a walk I have often found that ht and resolution when thinking will not I started off in thedown by the river, and towards the sea, my favourite stroll I went on and on under a leaden sky, through the level, solitary, an to lose itself in the ocean, and I wandered about there, struggling for guidance In my distress I actually knelt down and prayed, but the heavens remained impassive as before, and I was half ashamed of what I had done, as if it were a piece of hypocrisy

At last, wearied out, I turned ho from the direct road, I was led past the house where the Misses Arbour lived I was faint, and some beneficent inspiration proer of the two sisters was out A sudden tendency to hysterics overcalass of water

Miss Arbour, having given it to me, sat down by the side of the fireplace opposite to the one at which I was sitting, and for a few moments there was silence Ime she said quietly, ”Mr Rutherford, you have been upset; I hope you have met with no accident”

How it came about I do not know, but my whole story rushed tovoice I cannot iine what possessed me to make her my confidante Shy, reserved, and proud, I would have died rather than have breathed a syllable of my secret if I had been in ether overpowered e that ca back placidly in her large chair, with her handkerchief upon her lap; but gradually her face kindled, she sat upright, and she was transformed with a completeness and suddenness which I could not have conceived possible At last, when I had finished, she put both her hands to her forehead, and almost shrieked out, ”Shall I tell him?--O my God, shall I tell him?--may God have ether unsuspected depth of passion which was revealed in her whom I had never before seen disturbed by more than a ripple of emotion She drew her chair nearer to ht into my eyes, and said, ”Listen” She then moved back a little, and spoke as follows:

”It is forty-five years ago this month since I was married You are surprised; you have always known ht I had always been single It is forty-six years ago this month since the man who afterwards became my husband first saw me He was a partner in a cloth firm At that time it was the duty of one member of a firm to travel, and he cae-builder My father was an old customer of his house, and the relationshi+p between the customer and the wholesale merchant was then very different from what it is now Consequently, Mr Hexton- -for that was my husband's na as he reularly handsoht, well-ood coood taste, and had the reputation of being a st the sect to which both of us belonged

”When he first came our way I was about nineteen and he about three- and-twenty My father and his had long been acquainted, and he was of course received even with cordiality I was excitable, a lover of poetry, a reader of all sorts of books, and iven to enthusiasm

Ah! you do not think so, you do not see how that can have been, but you do not kno unaccountable is the developiven for but the peaceful, long since settled result, but how it came there, what its history has been, you cannot tell It radual progress from seed to flower, or it may be the final repose of tremendous forces

”I will show you what I was like at nineteen,” and she got up and turned to a desk, from which she took a little ivory iven to Mr Hexton ere engaged I thought he would have locked it up, but he used to leave it about, and one day I found it in the dressing-table draith some brushes and combs, and two or three letters of mine I withdrew it, and burnt the letters He never asked for it, and here it is”

The head was s pensively It was rather thrown back with a kind of fir to conceal and wished the world to conceal nothing The body was shon to the waist, and was sliraceful But as most noteworthy about the picture was its solemn seriousness, a seriousness capable of infinite affection, and of infinite abandon was too severe, too much controlled by the arch of the top of the head for that--but of an abandonment to spiritual aiave me to understand that he was my admirer, and before six months of acquaintanceshi+p had passed ht be considered as my suitor She put no pressure uponthat they said that if I would accept Mr Hexton they would be content, as they knew hi man, a member of the church, and prosperous in his business My first, and for a tiht him mean, and because I felt he lacked sympathy with me

”Unhappily I did not trust that i more authoritative, but I was mistaken, for the voice of God, to me at least, hardly ever comes in thunder, but I have to listen with perfect stillness to ued with it and was lost I was guiltless of any basename for what displeased me in Mr Hexton, and so I deluded myself I reasoned that his meanness was justifiable economy, and that his dissiht to induce s

I kneas too inconsiderate, too rash, too flighty, and I said tofor me

”Oh, if I had but the power to write a book which should go to the ends of the world, and warn young men and wo their partners for life! It ation from hellish te here, can tell how to do it We can lay down no lahich infallibly to recognise the er from God But what I do say is, that when the nise hie or not is another matter If we do not--if we stop to dispute with him, we are undone, for we shall very soon learn to discredit him

”So I wastoay frorees, but still rapidly I had my books sent down to me I unpacked theht of ranging ht as I put them on some empty shelves, but the next day he said that he wanted a stuffed dog there, and that he thought o upstairs

”We had to give some entertainments soon afterwards The minister and his wife, with some other friends, came to tea, and the conversation turned on parties and the dullness of winter evenings if no amuses ought not to be dependent upon childish gaht to be able to occupy theossip, but talk--pleases me better than chess or forfeits; and the lines of Cowper occurred to me -

'When one, that holds communion with the skies, Has filled his urn where these pure waters rise, And once el shook his wings; Irance fills the circuit wide, That tells us whence his treasures are supplied'

I ventured to repeat this verse, and when I had finished, there was a pause for ato the minister's ho sat next to hiot to express my sympathy with you; I heard that you had lost your cat' The bloas deliberately ad, I knoas ignorant of the ways of the world, and I ought to have been aware of the folly of placing uests, and of the extreuarded way to strangers Two or three ht me to close myself carefully to all the world, and to beware how I uttered anything ht to have been pardoned I felt the sting of self-huht, as I lay and silently cried, while Mr Hexton slept beside me

”I soon found that he was entirely insensible to everything for which I e he had affected a sort of interest in my pursuits, but in reality he was indifferent to them He was cold, hard, and impenetrable His habits were precise and methodical, beyond what is natural for a e that these small events should so burn themselves into me--that some friends were at our house at tea A tradesation, who had becoan to abuse hiant; that he had chosen to send his children to the graentlefolk went; and finally, that only last year he had let his wife go to the seaside