Part 4 (1/2)

If you search all the professions round, you will not find one in which ence of intellect and acquirement as you will if you turn to journalism There are men employed in that craft who are better qualified for Cabinet rank than half the men who ever hold it, and there are, or used to be in ences as purely mechanical as if they had been born to be hodmen With one of the latter species I was officially associated for a year He is now dead and no truth can hurt his feelings any norant and self-satisfied an ass as I can re to be said for him: he had mastered the intricacies of Pitman's shorthand systeht rely upon hiht he heard, but in transcription he sometimes achieved a most extraordinary and unlooked-for effect, as for exa of the Licensed Victuallers' association was held in the lower grounds at Aston, and Mr Newdigate--the me the annual address--what else the right honourable gentleotten--he wound up by quoting a verse from Lord Tennyson's ”Lady Clara Vere de Vere ”:--

”Howe'er it be it seeood

Kind hearts are more than coronets, And sienius rendered in the entleed cheers, concluded by reht represent itself to others it appeared to hioodness, that kind hearts were better than coronets, and that simple faith was more to be esteemed than Norman blood” Somehow this passed the printer's reader and appeared in all the glory of type the followingIt fell to my lot to take the criminal to task, but he disarmed me by a mere turn of the hand ”I don't call it fair,” he said, in his soft, insinuating Rother-halish literature at his fingers' ends for five and thirty bob a week, and beside that, if you look at Mr Pitman's preface to his last edition”

(he produced the book from his coat pocket), ”you'll find it set down as an instruction to all shorthand writers that it's a reporter's duty to ot dohat he said right enough, but I thought I'd touch him up a bit!”

On another occasion the improver of Tennyson came across from the Town Hall to the office with the final ”turn” of an address which had just been delivered by Mr Bright to his constituents ”I'm in a bit of a difficulty,” he explained toabout in his custo about Hercules and soot a 'j' and an 'n' down on ot to vocalise the word and I can't reean ”That's it,” he said joyfully, ”but, ot to be sure!”

One alavewith an unusual complacency, and announced that he haddome of head, and he confided to o had nicknamed him ”bladder o' lard” ”I could neverI was standing in front of ave me that nickname because I'm bald!”

CHAPTER VIII

The House of Commons Press Gallery--Disraeli as Orator--The Story of the Dry Chaate's Eloquence--Lord Beaconsfield's Success--”Stone-walling”--Robert Lowe's Classics--The Press Gallery and Mr Gladstone

I forget precisely how it came about that I secured allery of the House of Co staff of the _Daily Neas disabled or had gone upon the spree Anyway the staff was shorthanded for a night, and I was told that I could earn a guinea by presenting myself to the chief at the House of Commons, and that there would probably be very little indeed to do for it I attended accordingly and found thaton three separate sheets of paper, ”Murray follows Murphy--Pullen follows” I gotafternoon when I found a very different condition of affairs prevailing Every bench was packed, the side galleries were full, and it would have been ier's Gallery above the clock A great field night was toward, and from the time at which I first entered the box at about 4 o'clock in the afternoon until two the followingwithout cessation, note-taking or transcribing

I have quite forgotten what the fight was about, but it was then that I first caught sight of the parliamentary heroes of the tiht and the rugged Forster, and Sir William Harcourt and all the rest of his henchmen Disraeli sat impassive opposite with folded ar on his breast The only clear iht was that whereas Disraeli, whenever it came to be my turn to be in the reporter's box, was apparently sound in slu on, he rose an hour after ht and presented a masterly analysis of the whole debate, interspersed with snatches of a fine ironicireeable, his voice was veiled and husky, and once or then he dropped the ironic vein and affected to be serious, he seemed to me to fall into burlesque ”It would be idle,” he said, and there he brought his elbows resoundingly to his ribs, ”to suppose”--and there the elbows caain--”that at such a crisis”--and here was another repetition of the grotesque gesture--”Her Majesty's Ministers”--more rib and elboork--”would endeavour,” and so on and so on, in what seemed to one listener at least to be the merest insincerity His irony was perfect, his assumption of earnestness a farce Robert Loas put up to answer hi trenchant phrases, with a page of notes al his white albino eyebrows and the tip of his nose, every sentence punctuated with a roar of laughter, cheers and protests, he sat down Aht were Mr Beresford Hope and Sir Wilfrid Lawson, the latter of whom offered to the House quite a sheaf of carefully prepared iain I was asked to appear on the following night, and at the end of that week, the defaulting ain put in an appearance, I was formally enrolled for the rest of the session I do not profess to record in anything like their chronological order the events whichworth re

Perhaps the most remarkable example of Disraeli's careless audacity was afforded on the occasion on which, in the House of Coreat rival as a liar, without infringing the etiquette of the House I was on what is called or used to be called the ”victim”

turn that week It was the duty of the victiallery after all other mes until the assembly was adjourned On one occasion, I remember, I was on duty for seventy-two hours That hen Parnell ainst the Government, and the Irish members went off in detachments to sleep at the Westminster Hotel and came back in detach

Disraeli's famous escapade wasand so far as I know I a eye and ear witness of the occurrence Shortly before the dinner hour on the preceding evening, soence that Mr Disraeli had called for a pint of chane, and that was taken to indicate his intention to reat effort, he generally prepared hilass of sherry, Mr Bright's prilass of a particular old port, and there was a malicious whisper to the effect that Mr Lohilst Chancellor of the Exchequer lass of iced water at the bar, being moved to his choice of a stimulant by considerations of econo taken his half-bottle, and very shortly afterwards he slipped into the House from behind the Speaker's chair and assumed his accustomed seat Some quite inconsiderable Mes, and we all supposed that on his chiefs arrival he would bring his speech to a close He prosed along, however, until the House adjourned for dinner, and Disraeli's opportunity was for the meantime lost He left the House at the hour of adjourn

When at last he rose, he entered upon a long tale which at first see whatever upon any business the House could possibly have in contean, ”it will be within the entleuished ornareatly lamented Sir Robert Peel

One of Sir Robert Peel's uished member of this assembly Colonel Ellis, sir, was a noted authority in alland his opinion was especially respected with regard to the quality of wines At the tiared beverage, ated to the use and for the enjoyment of the ladies”

The House sat in an a led by this extraordinary exordium, but Mr Disraeli flowed on unmoved

”It happened that a friend upon the continent sent to Sir Robert Peel a case of dry chae then almost unknown in this country

Sir Robert invited Colonel Ellis to dine with hie, and when the repast had been discussed, Sir Robert turned upon his guest and inquired of hi the occasion: 'Pray, Colonel Ellis, what is your opinion of dry chane?' To which Colonel Ellis, with a solemnity equal to Sir Robert's own, responded: 'I believe that the ne, is capable of saying anything' Now, sir, it is not within entleiversation, but this I will say that, on my honour andthat he is fond of dry chareeted with roars of laughter and cries of disapproval, neither of which moved the speaker in the least The incident somehow remained unreported, but one can easily fancy the avidity hich it would have been pounced upon by the alerter journalisqualities of character and his unassu and natural demeanour made a very favourable impression But a year or two after his return, he was joined by a Labour representative who displayed the characteristics of altogether a different sort For one thing, he was a vulgarly overdressed man, and he used to sprawl about the benches with outstretched are heard in answer to any utterance of which he ht approve from such inconsiderable persons as Gladstone or Harcourt or Forster His ”Hear, hear, hear,” was the very essence of a self-satisfied and unconscious insolence He was a el Gabriel, and he was quite unconscious of his own offensiveness until he tried his hand upon Disraeli, when he found his level once for all and with a ludicrous swiftness

He and Mr Burt had together backed a Bill which was intended to do so to ameliorate the condition of the coal-hter of the innocents, Mr Disraeli announced that it was the intention of the Government to carry on the measure The statement had already fallen from his lips and he had just entered on another sentence when the intolerable patronising voice broke in, ”Hear, hear, hear,” ”Hear, hear hear,” as if a very great personage with too great a consciousness of his own greatness were expressing his approval of the conduct of a little boy Disraeli stopped dead short in his speech and one of the finest bits of comedy I can rean very deliberately to fumble about the breast of his frock-coat within and without in search of sohting at last on the object of this perfunctory search he produced an eyeglass and, still with closed eyes, he lifted the skirt of his coat and polished the glass upon its silken lining It began to occur to Mr Disraeli's patron that all this slow pantomime was in some way directed to his address The House waited, with here and there a rather nervous expectant laugh The Labour inally thrown abroad in his usual poan to shrivel His widely-extended ar the top of the bench on which he sat, crept closer and closer to his sides He shrank, he dwindled, he wilted like a leaf on a hot stove, and when Disraeli finally screwed his glass into his eye and, after surveying hilass to fall and resumed his speech at the very word at which he had broken off, the patron of the House was an altogether abject figure The asseue never, never, never ventured to pat Mr Disraeli on the back again

It does not fall to the lot of every self-sufficient ass who finds hiines that he can at once ure in that assembly to learn his place in so abrupt a fashi+on, but there is no gathering in the world in which a man so inevitably finds his proper level Poor Dr Kenealy had gifts enough to have carried hih place almost anywhere, but unfortunately for himself he caainst the world He chose to defy the rules of the assembly at its very threshold It has been the custom froentlemen who are already officially known to Mr Speaker I happened to be in the box apportioned to the _Daily Nehen the Doctor attempted to evade this rule and to present himself before the Speaker without the customary credentials He was of course forbidden to enter and after some unseemly altercation outside the bar, two members were found to volunteer to introduce him He marched up the House with his u Officer in the other, his eyes flashi+ng a quite unnecessary defiance, poor gentleure placed as if for instant co his umbrella upon the Speaker's mace, but it was certainly counted as an act of intentional discourtesy against him He was sent to Coventry frory that he was al hi on the paper a motion in favour of triennial Parliaments very shortly after his first unfavourable introduction into the House It was long afterand favoured us with an analysis of the characteristics of the first gathering of a representative assembly under Alfred the Great Sir Wilfred Lawson almost immediately rose to inquire whether the hour were not somewhat too advanced for a disquisition on parliamentary history, the facts of which were available to everybody, and Kenealy passionately retorted that he was in possession of the ear of the House, that he would stand upon his rights, would adopt his own th he chose

In answer to this defiance, the House rose _enKenealy to address the Speaker, the clerks at the table and a handful of reporters in the gallery He struggled on for awhile, but by and by a member returned and drew the attention of the Speaker to the very obvious fact that there were not forty members present The Speaker rose under his canopy and waved his cocked hat solemnly towards Kenealy and then towards the other occupant of the House

”There are not forty members present,” he said solemnly, ”the House is now adjourned” That was the result of Dr Kenealy's first essay and in his second he carief In a crowded House, he arose to i and I was fighting after hiouty, inefficient shorthand, when one of the strangest premonitions of my life occurred to me He said ”If any of these unjust aspersions are cast anew uponto say as if the whole thing were a play which I had seen rehearsed a score of tiht, ”I hope to heaven he won't say that,” and he went on in the very words my mind forebode ”If these unjust aspersions are cast upon me, I shall shake them from me as the lion shakes the dew-drops from his mane” There was a second's silence as he paused, and then there was a crash of laughter with peal on peal to follow Three times I have known the House of Commons surrendered to illimitable mirth and on each occasion the victim of its derision is somewhat pitiable But poor Kenealy! he stood there lost, astounded, vacant, a quite tragic figure, and when the crowded House had ceased to laugh out of pure exhaustion, he spoke again in a tone coone out of hi was an evidence of his courage, but with that unfortunate sentence he had shot his bolt He never atteain I do not remember even to have seen him within its precincts after that catastrophe

It is not iratified h which killed Kenealy's parliamentary career, but there was certainly not a trace of it in that heroic peal of ate froate was undoubtedly a dull man, he was undoubtedly an eccentric, but he was just as certainly a gentle-backed Tory squire who for many years represented the Northern Division of the County of Warwick His chief virtues were that he rode straight to hounds, that he dispensed an open-handed old-fashi+oned hospitality to his hunt and that he voted regularly and faithfully with his party There was no man who could ht of hihout his parliamentary life it had been his lot to e, then Prince of Wales, was about to visit India, and the Govern in proper fashi+on Mr Peter Taylor, a distinguished Radical of that tiate, in recognition, as one supposes, of the faithful party service of many years, was allowed to support the Government resolution Just for once in his life the House did not e; his chance was here, the coveted opportunity of a lifetie of it In sepulchral tones he assured Mr Speaker that if this vote were refused the loyal feelings of this country would receive a blow, and the popular confidence in that House would receive a blow, and the loyal sentiment of the Eony of his speech, he stooped lower and lower, driving his right hand down at the end of each period with a sledge-hammer force until the blow landed, not on the public conscience or the loyalty of the Empire, but on the white hat of one, Mr Charley, who sat directly below him and who in a second was bonneted to the very shoulders Now Mr Charley wore a very tall white hat and it was his habit to wear his hair rather long, and as he struggled to release hied, the lining of the tall white hat turned inside out and his long hair rose with it until he appeared to be expanding hientleway actually fell frohed itself al in apologetic duedy indeed: to have the dream of a whole lifetio to ruin in that way So swift a transition froulf!

When our laugh was over I am sure there was not one of us who did not profoundly syate never atteain at least in my time He and Mr Whalley were the twoenemies of the Jesuits They saw the e in denouncing all their wicked wiles, but it was notorious that each cast an eye askance upon the other and each was rather inclined to be persuaded to believe that his pretended fellow-crusader was a Jesuit in disguise