Chapter 54 (2/2)

I throw one of the dead branches we collected into the fire to keep it going, then set down the wooden cup that contains the bitter drink and gaze into the wavering fire . This is a convenient situation to think about various things .

The first thing that comes to mind is what happened at the outer wall of the royal capital .

I won’t go out of my way to kill people whose deaths have no effect on my vengeance .

If I don’t draw that line, the outline of my revenge will become too blurry . I won’t be able to continue believing in my own vengeance .

The line between killing for vengeance and killing to vent my anger .

One day, that line would have slowly created uncertainty within me that would accumulate like a poison . If I kept ignoring that uncertainty, I would become nothing more than a true monster who doesn’t care about who he kills .

Vengeance is an emotion .

I have to take vengeance in a way that doesn’t allow the fire within me to break me any further .

If I lose my ability to reason and become a monster that moves entirely on instinct, I’m sure the fire within me would continue blazing even after I slay all of my enemies .

I would never be able to return to being a human . In the end, I would be broken . There would be no difference between that and being dead .

That’s why I have no intention of distorting this line and am content with that . I have no intention of ceasing to be me .

The ones that will get involved in my vengeance are the ones who should be .

With that said, though I don’t intend to go with any plans that kills everyone indiscriminately, not dragging any innocent people into it would be impossible .

At the very least, if there are people who aren’t related to my revenge but killing them would contribute to it, I have no intention of hesitating to do that . I’m sure there will be some innocent people who will get involved .

Even if there aren’t people like that, I will kill people whose faces I don’t even know if I need to do it to survive .

I already possess a mind that won’t hesitate to do that . If I didn’t, I would have died at some point during my journey long before I was betrayed .

In short, I have to find a balance . If I drag too many people into my revenge and I can’t process that in my own mind, I’ll become a monster . But if I hesitate to get innocent people involved too much, my revenge will never be achieved .

And I’ve decided that I won’t make any mistakes this time .

「The one I want to take vengeance upon isn’t this world . There’s no point in inflicting suffering on people I don’t even care about . 」(Kaito)

By saying it out loud, I carve that thought into my mind so that I don’t forget it .

That’s right, the one I want to take vengeance upon isn’t this world .

It’s those who betrayed me, the ones I once thought of as companions . I can’t mistake who I need to take vengeance upon like I mistook who I needed to save in my first journey through this world .

「Ah, if only I really resented the entire world, how easy my vengeance would be then…」(Kaito)

I imagine a much easier road of revenge as I let out these words of self-derision . If every single person was an enemy, I could simply go on a rampage until this world is destroyed . I could have just become a monster who kills everyone without having to worry about choosing who needs to be killed .

If I had never met Leticia and my first journey through this world came to an end through betrayal while I was single-mindedly fixated on returning to my own world, I’m sure that’s how things would have turned out .

When I first came to this world, I could only think of this world as something artificial .

The people appearing on a painted background, asking me to defeat the Demon Lord . Stats and levels, magic and skills, strange-looking monsters, experience points that could be gained from defeating them and the superhuman powers that I gained as I did so .

Even if I was wounded, I could use powerful healing magic and expensive potions to quickly remove the pain and even heal my injured body parts .

It was like I had been trapped in the world inside a video game . A game that I could clear if I just defeated the Demon Lord .

There was no way that I could feel the sense that this was reality . If I had gone through this world only for that world to betray me, the people living in it would have simply appeared as nothing more than tools to me .

It’s easy to imagine such a completely hopeless, broken version of me .

A version of me that is simply a monster that goes around killing everyone in the world without enjoying it or being happy about it, continuing until I die .

I’m sure that would be a very easy road to walk .

However, I wouldn’t even be able to obtain the dark joy of revenge; I wouldn’t feel any satisfaction . It wouldn’t dispel any of my emotions; it would simply be a suicidal act of self-destruction .

「Oops, this is bad, this is bad . 」(Kaito)

With a particularly loud crackle, the fire crumbles .

It seems that I became too absorbed in my thoughts; the fire has grown considerably weaker . I hastily find some branches among the wood we gathered that looks easiest to burn and throw it into the fire .

「… So bitter, so hot . 」(Kaito)

The Fuzzy-grass tea still fills the wooden cup to the brim .

I take out some of the dried vegetables that were being sold as preserved food at a store in the royal capital so I can get rid of the bitter taste that has stained the inside of my mouth .

I find a branch of suitable length, pour magical energy into the【Water Fairy’s Droplet Blade]to produce a chisel-sized blade, cut off the unnecessary parts and carve the tip of the branch into a sharp point .

I pierce the dried vegetables on the end and scorch it lightly on the fire in front of me, apply some seasoning that I bought in the royal capital and begin chewing on them .

Morning is still far away and the night is still long .