3 Breakthrough (1/2)

I couldn't cultivate and I couldn't even speak. Was I just destined to be as useless as I was in my past life? No, I just had to have confidence. I had to have the dedication to push through these boundaries.

”What do I do now,” I thought, ”Tackle language or meditation? Meditation seems simpler but…” I shook my head as best as my infant body could, ”No buts. I just need to take it slow.”

Mother laughed at my gently rolling head and spoke to me in soft, melodic tones.

”… Oscar… Oscar.”

I noticed that she had repeated a set of syllables before my name. I had no idea what it meant but I knew that this repetition, anchored to my name, was a start. A small start, but a start, nonetheless.

Progression in this world would not be quick. It would be slow, deliberate and boundaries had to be broken. I would start small.

As mother lay me back to rest on her chest, I calmed myself and focused on my breath. Even if I couldn't focus on my whole body, I could just focus on my breathing.

My breaths were shallow and quick, but there was a rhythm to their speed. I focused on building a bond with this rhythm; connecting it to the concept of my body. Submerged deep in this cycle, I eventually succumbed to sleep.

When I woke it was hard to tell how long I had been asleep for, but I knew I was starving. This was going to be weird. My infant body began to cry in response to the hunger.

Mother slipped off a shoulder of her dress and brought me close to feed. Yes, this was very weird. But I had to get used to this cycle. Wake, eat, meditate and learn in the day, sleep.

Each day I became more accustomed to it. I was awake for one hour, then asleep for two to three.

I tried to glean anything I could from the snippets of speech around me. Whenever mother talked or father visited me, I listened close. But I only became familiar with the syllables.

My progress in language was far overshadowed by meditation. By treating each body part separately, I could focus on it completely. I was slowly assembling a mental jigsaw of my body.

I counted two weeks and well over a hundred meditation sessions before feeling a full connection with my body. It finally felt like my own. I was ready to find my soul seed.

I focused on my breath to begin with, then spread out to my extremities. Entering a full trance took much longer by myself than it did with Sirius.

I fell deeper into myself. The white noise of rushing blood filled my ears. I could almost see the inside of my body, it felt so clear. I moved my attention to my solar plexus and stayed there.

There was no light, no warmth. A thread of doubt entered my mind, and my attention shifted away.

”Calm yourself Oscar,” I said to myself.

I went back to the breath, then down to my solar plexus.

I stayed there, focused, calm, and I began to feel strange. Like I was detached, looking at a space that was not quite me.

This was the centre of it all. Bodily awareness no longer mattered. My body would exist on its own without me attending to it. It didn't need me.