Part 7 (1/2)

CHAPTER 23

Eleanor

These h terrain, from which they look down on everyone else That makes their relationshi+ps omen quite problematic

- ZIPPORAH L LEVINSON, 1995

NASH WAS BACK in Boston in his old quarters by Labor Day Nu brick row house built before the turn of the century facing the Charles in Boston in his old quarters by Labor Day Nu brick row house built before the turn of the century facing the Charles1 Its current owner, Mrs Austin Grant, was theof a Back Bay physician She liked to point out her hoe rooinal owners once waited for their horsedrawn carriages to be brought around And she often bes on the street while you coain,” she said to Nash the day he moved in Its current owner, Mrs Austin Grant, was theof a Back Bay physician She liked to point out her hoe rooinal owners once waited for their horsedrawn carriages to be brought around And she often bes on the street while you coain,” she said to Nash the day he moved in

Nash occupied one of the front bedrooe, comfortably furnished rooineer who had recently graduated froularly took Russell aside to ree set of barbells and began lifting weights When Nashdirectly below his bedroom, vibrate with his exertions, Mrs Grant would say, ”What does he think this is? A gymnasium?” Nash's mail also received co the hope, as Russell recalled, that ”in addition to the pursuit of mathematics and other intellectual pursuits, he would e in social activities”

With one single exception, however, Nash never had any visitors Russell reht There was a sound cole of a woman

The pretty, dark-haired nurse who admitted Nash to the hospital on the second Thursday in September was named Eleanor2 He was due to have some varicose veins removed He was due to have some varicose veins re, more like a student than a professor and see, more like a student than a professor4 Eleanor knew his doctor to be a notorious incompetent Eleanor knew his doctor to be a notorious incompetent5 And a drunk She was curious how an MIT professor had wound up with a quack like that Nash told her that he'd chosen the doctor at rando his And a drunk She was curious how an MIT professor had wound up with a quack like that Nash told her that he'd chosen the doctor at randoers down the list' of physicians in the lobby She felt, she recalled, rather protective of hiers down the list' of physicians in the lobby She felt, she recalled, rather protective of him

Nash was on the ward for only a couple of days Eleanor thought he was cute and sort of sweet, but when he left, she hardly expected to see hiain Somehow or other, they bu afterward It was a Saturday afternoon and Eleanor was on her way to ood winter coat ”I didn't chase hiwith hiether Nash followed her up to the coat depart at her, not sayingfor her to choose a coat She started to enjoy herself ”John was very attractive,” Eleanor recalled, laughing ”When I saw hi to the ones she wanted to try on, and with elaborate courtesy he held out each coat for her to slip into She thought she liked a purple one best Nash started clowning around He pretended he was her tailor, flung himself on his knees before her, loudly enerally made a fool of himself Embarrassed, Eleanor blushed, protested, and tried to hush him up ”Get up quick!” she whispered Secretly, however, she was quite thrilled

At twenty-nine, Eleanor was an attractive, hardworking, tenderhearted woman A friend of Nash's later described her as ”dark and pretty, quite shy, a good person” of ”ordinary intelligence,” with ”si”7 By that the friend land Life hadn't been very kind to her She'd grown up in Jamaica Plain, a dreary blue-collar section of Boston By that the friend land Life hadn't been very kind to her She'd grown up in Jamaica Plain, a dreary blue-collar section of Boston8 She'd had a hardscrabble childhood, a harsh irl, of caring for a younger half-brother She reat deal of school as a result She was, on the whole, grateful to be able to take up a profession, practical nursing, that she enjoyed and that provided her with steady work Her hteen Her early experiences endowed her with a soft heart She had a deep appreciation, which stayed with her all her life, for what it was like to be poor and vulnerable It brought out a tenderness in her, toward patients, neighbors, other people's children, and stray animals She was the kind of woers and invite people who had nowhere else to stay into her home She'd had a hardscrabble childhood, a harsh irl, of caring for a younger half-brother She reat deal of school as a result She was, on the whole, grateful to be able to take up a profession, practical nursing, that she enjoyed and that provided her with steady work Her hteen Her early experiences endowed her with a soft heart She had a deep appreciation, which stayed with her all her life, for what it was like to be poor and vulnerable It brought out a tenderness in her, toward patients, neighbors, other people's children, and stray animals She was the kind of woers and invite people who had nowhere else to stay into her ho confidence, Eleanor also tended to be suspicious and guarded, especially around irl I didn't run around with a lot of ood I was a little afraid of men I didn't want to be involved with the”10 But Nash disarmed her from the start Yes, he was an MIT professor, yes, he caround, yes, he did top-secret work for the govern, five years Eleanor's junior, and But Nash disarmed her from the start Yes, he was an MIT professor, yes, he caround, yes, he did top-secret work for the govern, five years Eleanor's junior, and there was a sweetness about hiuile She sensed, , less experienced than she was there was a sweetness about hiuile She sensed, , less experienced than she was

After that Saturday afternoon, Nash took her out for cheap meals and drove her around in his beat-up car He talked about himself, his work, the depart about herself, so that relieved rather than distressed her She wasn't eager to share the rather dispiriting details of her round, particularly as Nash hinted that his own ancestry was rather distinguished He pressed her to let him come up to her apartment She wouldn't let hireed to go to his place She found hi

That Nash, who had preferred dancing with chairs to dancing with girls as an adolescent and who had given the pretty Ruth Hincks not so ressed so swiftly and had so suddenly and at that particular ests either love at first sight or soe” The encounter with Thorsonto repeat a loving experience, or hefor confirmation of his own ”masculinity” On a number of occasions he asked Eleanor to provide hi bottles of stuff around the places I worked as a nurse,” said Eleanor11 Although she later said that she never acceded to Nash's requests, she believed that ”he delved into drugs” hoping that they ”would h she later said that she never acceded to Nash's requests, she believed that ”he delved into drugs” hoping that they ”wouldhis interest in women to the world, however; he kept his liaison with Eleanor a deep dark secret for years, even while he displayed his infatuation with varioushis interest in women to the world, however; he kept his liaison with Eleanor a deep dark secret for years, even while he displayed his infatuation with various ht up as he ith teaching, se probleed to see Eleanor frequently He confided in her He enjoyed being alone with her He liked going over to her place and having her cook him dinner She cooked very well She fussed over him Most of all, she omanly, full of warmth and artless affection For Nash, who had never even knooman other than his mother and sister, it was a novel experience

As for the gulf between their educations and social statuses, what e than Eliza Doolittle ins? For Eleanor, Nash was a chance for a life she could not possibly have achieved on her own; for Nash, she was the prospect of retaining, to put it bluntly, the upper hand It was a coe went for the difference in teocentric and childishand enius Nash was looking for e than receiving, and Eleanor, as her entire life testified, was veryEleanor to hisher around to one of the departainst it The fact that nobody at MIT knew that Eleanor existed made the affair even more delicious it The fact that nobody at MIT knew that Eleanor existed made the affair even more delicious

By election day in early Novenant On Thanksgiving, when she invited Nash to co h,a child In fact, he eny quite attractive (Later, when such things becaeniuses in California) He see a child In fact, he eny quite attractive (Later, when such things becaeniuses in California)14 He hoped that the baby would be a boy He wanted the baby to be called John He did not, however, say anything about e, Eleanor's future, or, for that e He hoped that the baby would be a boy He wanted the baby to be called John He did not, however, say anything about e, Eleanor's future, or, for that e

Eleanor hardly knehat to make of his reaction She had hoped, of course, that he would see the pregnancy as a crisis to be solved by an offer of , she did her best to hide her disappointht that he was, after all, a re man She told herself that, of course, he loved her and would do the right thing ”in the end” In any case, she found that the idea of having a baby made her feel quite sential but available if one had the , however, the relationshi+p between the lovers lost its playful and lighthearted quality That winter, Eleanor was often tense and tired She fretted a great deal about the sy hours at the hospital Nash's mind was, aged in a tug of war that occasionally turned quite ugly

When Eleanor irritated him with her conorant He made fun of her pronunciation He reminded her that she was five years older Mostly, however, he made fun of her desire to marry him An MIT professor, he would say, needed a woan to resent what she called his superior airs and lack of sensitivity Their evenings together frequently degenerated into nasty spats Eleanor, a friend of Nash's later reported, once coht of stairs16 But there were also tender moments - when, for example, Nash told her that he liked the way she looked with her big belly - and Eleanor's feelings about Nash were, on the whole, loving She was convinced that he loved her and would do right by the baby, whoerness She still recalled that period of their relationshi+p as ”beautiful”17 She excused his She excused his cruelty by telling herself that it was occasional, that ”he didn't kno to live” She put it down to his having achieved extraordinary success at too young an age ”That can be overwhel herself that it was occasional, that ”he didn't kno to live” She put it down to his having achieved extraordinary success at too young an age ”That can be overwhel when she could no longer work, Eleanor moved into a home for unwed mothers Around that time, Nash finally introduced her to one of his friends froing sign Eleanor took this as an encouraging sign

John David Stier was born on June 19, 1953, six days after Nash's twenty-fifth birthday Nash rushed to the hospital and was greatly excited when Eleanor presented hi as the nurses would let him and came back at every opportunity But he did not offer to put his na as the nurses would let him and came back at every opportunity But he did not offer to put his name on his son's birth certificate,21 and he did not offer to pay for the baby's delivery and he did not offer to pay for the baby's delivery22 Mother and son came home to an apartment Nash hadNash wouldn't buy any baby clothes, Eleanor recalled ”He didn't want us to stay,” she said years later Eleanor finally ed to find a live-in position with an employer ould let her keep her infant with her23 Despite the employer's insistence on ”no male visitors,” Nash came over frequently ”He wanted to be around him all the time,” Eleanor recalled Despite the employer's insistence on ”no male visitors,” Nash came over frequently ”He wanted to be around him all the time,” Eleanor recalled24 But he still did not offer to h his professor's salary and frugal habits surely would have made that possible But he still did not offer to h his professor's salary and frugal habits surely would have made that possible

His visits eventually resulted in Eleanor's being fired25 The sie to care for her and the baby, Eleanor was finally forced to place John David in foster care The sie to care for her and the baby, Eleanor was finally forced to place John David in foster care26 Like some hapless heroine of a Victorian melodrama, Eleanor left her baby with a series of families, one in Rhode Island, another in Stonehae whose sentiland Home for Little Wanderers, only underscored the dickensian realities into which she and her son were plunged27 Founded during the Civil War, the home was on the southern outskirts of Boston, across the Charles River froood hour by bus from her apartment in Brookline Eleanor visited her son on Saturdays and Sundays John Stier re out of the , feeling a terrible loneliness and ho the Civil War, the home was on the southern outskirts of Boston, across the Charles River froood hour by bus from her apartment in Brookline Eleanor visited her son on Saturdays and Sundays John Stier re out of the , feeling a terrible loneliness and hoht hie supply of toys and baby books Soht hie supply of toys and baby books29 Being separated fro that had gone on before, it made her feel real bitterness toward Nash, who, she believed, left all the anguish and the worry to her and gave no sign that he understood, even reht mean for a mother or her child ”I should have been home to take care of him,” Eleanor said in 1995 ”I worried [Nash] never worried”30

Yet the affair continued They visited the baby, wherever he was, on Sundays Eleanor came over to Nash's apartment and cooked and, when he demanded it, cleaned for him Nash also went around to her place for meals31 He continued to oscillate between sweetness and outbursts of cruelty He continued to keep his affair with Eleanor under wraps, told no one at first except Jack Bricker, as enjoined to keep the secret ”He never told anyone about us,” said Eleanor, still unable to fathom his behavior He continued to oscillate between sweetness and outbursts of cruelty He continued to keep his affair with Eleanor under wraps, told no one at first except Jack Bricker, as enjoined to keep the secret ”He never told anyone about us,” said Eleanor, still unable to fathom his behavior32 Most of the MIT mathematics community, in fact, did not learn of the existence of his first family until years later Most of the MIT mathematics community, in fact, did not learn of the existence of his first family until years later

When John David was a year old, Nash introduced Eleanor to another friend in the depart the baby's existence33 He and Eleanor sometimes had Mattuck, who seemed to like Eleanor, over to dinner They told Mattuck afterward that they always had a good laugh after he left because Mattuck never noticed all the baby things around the aparte state of affairs He and Eleanor sometimes had Mattuck, who seemed to like Eleanor, over to dinner They told Mattuck afterward that they always had a good laugh after he left because Mattuck never noticed all the baby things around the aparte state of affairs

Or was it? Eleanor was in love with Nash ”People told ain,” said she ”It's better if you have a normal man Not one who's all puffed up by his own i in his face It was like a dead person I didn't think so, though”34 She one with someone I didn't love He ard His aardness seemed standoffish Buthe could be very sweet He was very attractive in a way Love is foolish” She one with someone I didn't love He ard His aardness seemed standoffish Buthe could be very sweet He was very attractive in a way Love is foolish”35 As late as 1955 and 1956, after Nash introduced Mattuck to Eleanor, Eleanor's attitude toward Nash was ”adoring” Mattuck recalled: ”Eleanor realized Nash was a total egoist, but she was dazzled by his brilliance He thought he was a genius She was sleeping with one of the smartest men in America Did he love her? She didn't know She didn't ask In those days, it wasn't 'Talk to me' If you slept with a man, you assumed he loved you”36 Eleanor also continued to hope that Nash would marry her, if only for the sake of their son Nash wasn't, she was sure, seeing another woman Nash's failure to disappear from her life, despite his tantrums and complaints about her, must have seemed to Eleanor powerful evidence that he did, after all, love her, and would ultimately come around How else to explain her passivity - her unhappy acceptance, but acceptance nonetheless, of his refusal to pay for her and the baby's support - until it was, as it were, too late, until a rival appeared on the scene? She ht have threatened him with exposure, or with a lawsuit, but, because she believed he wouldhiood It was only much later, in 1956, after Eleanor discovered that Nash was having an affair with an MIT physics student and concluded that he intended to irl - possibly even before Nash hiressive action

Nash's behavior is a bit h he had reached the conclusion that Eleanor wasn't good enough for him or his social circle? Perhaps he simply hadn't made up hisa photograph of Eleanor and John David in his wallet, and he told at least one person, ”This is the woman I plan to marry and our son” David in his wallet, and he told at least one person, ”This is the woman I plan to marry and our son”37 Perhaps he felt that the decision to have the child was strictly Eleanor's Quite possibly, Eleanor's passivity in the face of his own bad behavior naled to hined to living apart from her child Perhaps each, by his or her actions, misled the other Perhaps he felt that the decision to have the child was strictly Eleanor's Quite possibly, Eleanor's passivity in the face of his own bad behavior naled to hined to living apart from her child Perhaps each, by his or her actions, misled the other

Whether Nash ever intended to marry Eleanor is a matter of dispute Arthur Mattuck believes he did, but that he was talked out of it by Bricker38 Bricker's recollection differs radically He re tried to persuade Nash but said that ”Nash's mind was made up” Bricker's recollection differs radically He re tried to persuade Nash but said that ”Nash's mind was made up”39 We aren't likely to learn which account is the more accurate Perhaps both were, at different points in time Nash didn't marry Eleanor, despite his stated intentions on at least one occasion We aren't likely to learn which account is the more accurate Perhaps both were, at different points in time Nash didn't marry Eleanor, despite his stated intentions on at least one occasion

One likely reason was Nash's snobbery, the roots of which went back to his Bluefield upbringing Not for hi, who pronounced words incorrectly, whose manners were simple, and whose sense of social inferiority would have le coe mathematical community Unconventional as he was, Nash's obsession with class and surface propriety were as strong as his father's This certainly was Eleanor's perception, and while that perception was no doubt colored by resentment, it seeh Nash didn't believe that Eleanor was educated enough to be a good mother to his children His own reat deal of tirammatically, after all Moreover, he , a thesis that Arthur Mattuck put forward and that gains so woree in physics and career ambitions Eleanor said as irl He wanted to marry soh Nash's e in the four years that Eleanor was his ested that he had ested to Eleanor that she give John David up for adoption He more or less told her openly that John David would be better off if she gave him up ”He wanted to have John adopted,” Eleanor later said bitterly ” 'We'd always knohere he was,' he'd say”41 It was a cold-blooded suggestion, and it all but killed any re Nash's considerations in putting it forward - apart froht face for his child, which pro” - enuine belief that John David's chances in life would be greater with so mother

”Everybody wanted him,” Eleanor recalled ”Some people even offeredThere were these wealthy people ere taking care of John David They were going to one to California, I would never have seen hiain”42 For the first six years of John David's life, during which time the little boy was shi+fted from home to home, father and son saw each other froraph, taken in what appears to be a city park, of the two-year-old with his long face fra tall like a little soldier, hand in hand with his sweet-faced, girlish-lookinginto the eyes of the camera held, no doubt, by her lover, evokes the flavor of these brief visits ”She shouldn't have had a baby, she shouldn't have been so gullible,” John Stier later said,43 but so at the evidence of that scene, it is i that this little trio, out on a Sunday outing, was indeed a fa at the evidence of that scene, it is i that this little trio, out on a Sunday outing, was indeed a faal one

Nash displayed a rather curious inconsistency in his attitude and behavior toward his son At the tiht have expected of a young nancy of a wo both the high road that would have led to a shotgun wedding, as well as thehis paternity and siirlfriend's life

He doubtless behaved selfishly, even callously His son and others later attributed his acknowledgment of paternity and desire toto protect his child from poverty and periodic separation from his mother, to a pure narcissism But even if this is partly true, it is natural to conclude that Nash, like the rest of us, needed to love and to be loved, and that a tiny, helpless infant, his son, drew him irresistibly

In 1959, when Nash suddenly disappeared froether, a badly wrapped, broken-up package arrived one day containing a s,” as John David later recalled ”There was no return address, or note or anything, but I kneas from my father”44

CHAPTER 24