42 Surmounted (1/2)

All the knights that surrendered were taken captive, along with the old man that tried to kill the king. Unfortunately, I had to kill that woman to save him. My hands shook as they dragged her lifeless body away, I saw completely through her skull where my [Lance of Light] penetrated.

After my adrenaline wore off and the reality of what I've done struck me, vile began rising in my throat. The king was laughing with me as I talked with him, but even as I laughed, I felt sick to my stomach.

His majesty, Sir William, dismissed us to a pair of guest rooms as he left to announce the situation to the rest of his cabinet and leaders in the city. I was escorted to a room by some palace knights, as soon as they closed the door, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor.

The contents of my stomach spattered against the pristine marble floor, I was gagging and I retched until every drop from my stomach was on the floor. Spittle dripped from my mouth like strings as I gasped for air, breathing raggedly.

I looked down at my hands, turning them to look at my palms, they felt so dirty. It feels as though my hands are covered in filth and grime, but they were completely clean. I wiped them against my pants, desperately trying to clean them from the invisible blood that stuck to my palms. My hands shook and my body quivered violently....I'm a monster.

I kneeled on the floor shaking, I move back against the wall, holding my head to my knees. I grip my hair panting. I see that woman face, the moment her life ends played constantly in my mind. I saw her standing seconds before a hole appeared in her head as she slumped to the ground lifelessly.

Her death replayed in my mind constantly, like a parasite that wormed its way through my thoughts, consuming everything in my mind. I muffle a scream as bile rose in my throat, but it's just a feint since there's nothing remaining in my stomach.

A tear falls down my cheek as I stare thoughtlessly up at the ceiling with glistening eyes.

”I killed a person, why is this bothering me so much? Haven't I killed hundreds of demons?” I think as the scenes of me viciously hunting demons flashes through my mind, but the image of her lifeless body overtakes those visions.

I slump to the ground holding the sides of my head with tears streaming down my face, as they drip on the cold uncaring tiles. My entire body shutters and shakes as my throat begins to close, making it hard to breathe, as if my body trying to cut off the sobs that try to choke out.

I crumple to the ground, holding my legs to my chest, I look out blankly through the windows overlooking the beautiful scenery. I don't acknowledge the beauty of it, I can't see any of it because of the visions that forcibly play in my mind. Faces flash through my mind, all of them mangled or framed with the blank look of death.

A knock sounds from the door, I look blankly at it, before I try and compose myself by wiping my face. I try to stand, but my legs buckle under me and I stumble into a pool of vomit. The door opens and Jake walks in.

”Christian, are you ok? I heard screaming from in here...” He looks at me laying in a pool of my own vomit, his face alight with concern and disgust.

I quickly try and stand, forcing my shaking knees to stop as I rise. ”I...I'm fine...sorry to worry you, you can leave.”

He doesn't by it, he grabs under my arm and helps me onto the bed. I sit on the edge of the bed, shaking, unable to meet his eyes.

”Christian, what's wrong? You look terrible.” He says with brutal honesty, I try and smile.

”Its nothing, I'm just not feeling that good,” I say trying to make up an excuse, but even I know its a terrible attempt at lying.

He grips my shoulders hard and looks me in the eyes.

”I've seen that look before, its the same look you had after Rachel, and the rest were wiped out. I thought you were getting better, why didn't you talk to me about this.” He demands.

I pull out of his grip, raising my voice.

”I was! I don't know, after killing that woman, memories started flooding me. Well, more than usual, I couldn't handle it...god knows I tried, but look at me.”

I stand extending my arms out, letting him view me completely. My armor glistens with my own sweat, vomit coats the mail and plates, staining the cloth a sickly green, and my eyes are red-rimmed and puffy.

”I fell to the ground and I couldn't stop the flood of visions!” I grab my hair yelling quietly. ”I hear voices, well not voices, but screams. I can't go to sleep without killing someone in my dreams, every time I take a life, I relive it in my dreams and their screams drown out my own thoughts. I can't even run from it, I can only wake up in a cold swear and try and keep myself awake so I don't have to do it again.”

I grip Jake's wrist. ”That's just it, you know how we had to kill a few demons on our way here?”

He shook his head slowly, cautiously watching my expression.