Part 16 (1/2)

Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society

London, 1903

BOOK VII

After two years' silence and patience, and notwithstanding ain take up ment as to the reasons which force e until you shall have read my book

My peaceful youth has been seen to pass away calreat disappointments or re tothan easy to discourage; quitting repose for violent agitations, but returning to it fro me in an idle and tranquil state for which alone I felt I was born, at a distance froreat vices, never perood or bad What a different account will I soon have to give of myself!

Fate, which for thirty years forced my inclinations, for thirty others has seemed to oppose them; and this continued opposition, between my situation and inclinations, will appear to have been the source of enormous faults, unheard of misfortunes, and every virtue except that fortitude which alone can do honor to adversity

The history of the first part of my life ritten froed to write the second part from memory also, the errors in it will probably be still reeable remembrance of the finest portion of my years, passed with so much tranquillity and innocence, has left inimpressions which I love incessantly to call to my recollection

It will soon appear how different from these those of the rest of my life have been To recall them to my mind would be to renew their bitterness

Far fro that of my situation by these sorrowful reflections, I repel them as much as possible, and in this endeavor often succeed so well as to be unable to find the my misfortunes is a consolation which Heaven has reserved to me in the midst of those which fate has one day to accumulate upon my head My reeable, is the happy counterpoise ofbut a cruel futurity

All the papers I had collected to aid er in ain theuide on which I can depend: this is the chain of the sentiments by which the succession of my existence has been marked, and by these the events which have been either the cause or the effect of the et et my faults, and still less my virtuous sentiments The remembrance of these is too dear to me ever to suffer them to be effaced from my mind I may omit facts, transpose events, and fall into some errors of dates; but I cannot be deceived in what I have felt, nor in that which from sentiment I have done; and to relate this is the chief end of my present work The real object of e of what I interiorly am and have been in every situation of my life I have promised the history of my mind, and to write it faithfully I have no need of other memoirs: to enter into my own heart, as I have hitherto done, will alone be sufficient

There is, however, and very happily, an interval of six or seven years, relative to which I have exact references, in a collection of letters copied froinals, in the hands of M du Peyrou This collection, which concludes in 1760, coe, and reat quarrel with those who called themselves my friends; that memorable epocha of my life, and the source of all inal letters which may remain in my possession, and are but few in nu them at the end of this collection, too voluuses, I will copy them into the henever they appear to furnish any explanation, be this either for or against myself; for I aet I y; but he cannot expect I shall conceal the truth when it testifies in my favor

The second part, it is likewise to be re in coe over it, but the i else, it is inferior to the former I wrote the first with pleasure, with satisfaction, and atI had to recollect was a new enjoyment I returned to my closet with an increased pleasure, and, without constraint, gave that turn to ination

At present my head and memory are become so weak as to render me almost incapable of every kind of application:is the result of constraint, and a heart full of sorrow I have nothing to treat of but misfortunes, treacheries, perfidies, and circuive the world, could I bury in the obscurity of ti I have to say, and which, in spite of ed to relate I ato in tounder which I write has eyes; the walls of ilant and malevolent inspectors, disturbed, and my attention diverted, I hastily commit to paper a few broken sentences, which I have scarcely time to read, and still less to correct I know that, notwithstanding the barriers which are multiplied around me, my ene What means can I take to introduce it to the world? This, however, I attee whether or not such a situation furnishes thethe! I therefore infor can secure them from weariness in the prosecution of their task, unless it be the desire of beco more fully acquainted with a man whom they already know, and a sincere love of justice and truth

In ht down ret frosome day to return to the feet of mamma, restored to herself, with the treasures I should have acquired, and depending upon my system of music as upon a certain fortune

I made some stay at Lyons to visit my acquaintance, procure letters of recoeoht with me I ell received by all whoain, and several times invited me to dinner At their house I became acquainted with the Abbe de Malby, as I had already done with the Abbe de Condillac, both of ere on a visit to their brother The Abbe de Malby gaveothers, one to M de Pontenelle, and another to the Coreeable acquaintances, especially the first, to whose friendshi+p for me his death only put a period, and from whoht to have more exactly followed

I likewise saw M Bordes, hoed reatest cordiality and the most real pleasure He it ho enabled ood recoain saw the intendant for whose acquaintance I was indebted to M Bordes, and who introduced h Lyons M Pallu presented me The Duke received me well, and invited me to coh this great acquaintance, of which I shall frequently have occasion to speak, was never of theutility to me

I visited the musician David, who, in one of my former journeys, and in iven s, which I have never returned, nor has he ever asked h we have since that time frequently seen each other I, however,like an equivalent

I would say more upon this subject, hat I have owned in question; but I have to speak of what I have done, which, unfortunately, is far froenerous Perrichon, and not without feeling the effects of his accustomed munificence; for he ant Bernard, by paying for eon Parisot, the best and most benevolent of men; as also his beloved Godefroi, who had lived with hientle oodness of heart It was impossible to see this wo better shows the inclinations of a man, than the nature of his attachments

[Unless he be deceived in his choice, or that she, to whoes her character by an extraordinary concurrence of causes, which is not absolutely impossible Were this consequence to be aded of by his wife Xantippe, and Dion by his friend Calippus, which would be the ment ever made

However, let no injurious application be here made to my wife She is weak and ined, but by her pure and excellent character she is worthy of all entle Godefroi, iood and aood people, but I afterwards neglected theratitude, but from that invincible indolence which so often assumes its appearance The remembrance of their services has never been effaced from my mind, nor the impression they ratitude, than assiduously have shown them the exterior of that sentiment Exactitude in correspondence is what I never could observe; the an to relax, the sharavate it, and I entirely desist fro; I have, therefore, been silent, and appeared to forget theligence, and I ever found them the same But, twenty years afterwards it will be seen, in M Bordes, to what a degree the self-love of a wit can lected

Before I leave Lyons, I ain saith more pleasure than ever, and who left in my heart the most tender remembrance This was Mademoiselle Serre, of whom I have spoken in my first part; I renewed my acquaintance with her whilst I was at M

de Malby's