Volume II Part 3 (1/2)

_Reflections on the matter contained in the last three chapters, which will be of use to no one_

These three love-affairs, which I have related in all their details, and possibly with indiscreet ht me some lessons in life I experienced them before I had cous, all vigilance in regard to the fair sex

Meanwhile I possessed a heart in so from the ordinary; it had suffered by the repeated discovery of faithlessness in women--how much I will not say; it had suffered also by the brusque acts of disengagement, which my solid, resolute, and decided nature forced upon ood care to keep lements

I was neither voluptuous by temperament nor vicious by habit My reflective faculties controlled the pros of appetite Yet I took pleasure in feenuine refreshreat moment, to which I yielded in my years of manhood, I have always continued to be the friend and observer of women rather than their passion-blinded lover

The net result of my observations upon women is this The love which s mainly from their vanity or interest They wish to be surrounded by admirers They are ambitious to captivate the hearts and heads of people of in as petty queens, to take the lead, to exercise power, to levy contributions Or else they ensnare slaves devoted to theive them the means at balls, at _petits soupers_, at country-houses, at great entertainments, to eclipse their rivals, to acquire new lovers, and to betray their faithful servant, their credulous accoain, they are so nets to catch a coues

I was not born to pay court My position in the world was not so eminent as to secure a woh nor extravagant enough to satisfy a woman's whims in those ridiculous displays which make her the just object of disdainful satire

I had no inclination to ruin myself either in my fortune or in my health I had conceived a sublime and romantic ideal of the possibilities of love Matrimony holly alien to my views of liberty The consequence was that, after these three earliest experiences, I regarded the sex with eyes of a philosopher

I enjoyed the acquaintance of many women in private life, and ofthe principles I have described, I found them well contented with my manners of behaviour They showed therateful, and constant friendshi+p through a long course of years In truth, it is in the main to men--to men who flatter and caress the innate foibles of women, their vanity, their tenderness, their levity, that we must ascribe the frequency of female frailties

In conclusion, I will lift my voice to affir that I have yielded, now and then, but rarely, to some trivial weakness of our human nature, I protest that I have never corrupted a wohts with sophisms I have never sapped the principles of a sound education I have never exposed the duties and obligations of their sex to ridicule, by clothing license with the naion, the conjugal tie, modesty, chastity, decent self-respect, with the title of prejudice--reversing the realof that word, as is the wont of self-styled philosophers, who are a very source of infection to the age we live in

Here, then, I leave with you the candid and public confession of my loves[8] I have related the circumstances of rossing occupations, my literary quarrels, my amorous adventures It is for you to take them as you find them I have written them down at the dictation of mere truth They are _useless_, I know, and I only _publish_ them in obedience to the virtue of _humility_

xxxVI

_On the absurdities and contrarieties to which my star has made me subject_

I wrote the useless e I had attained in that year; but now that I still findin es on uselessthese in their turn to the public from a motive of humility

If I were to narrate all the whimsical absurdities and all the untoward accidents to which thy business on my hands They were of almost daily occurrence Those alone which I h the behaviour of servants in h to fill a voluhter

I will content , dangerous, and absurd at the saain have I been mistaken by all sorts of people for some one not myself; and the drollest point is that, in spite of their obstinate persistence, I was not in the least like the persons they took me for One day I met an old artisan at San Pavolo, who ran to ar been the cause of liberating his son froh my influence I told hi reat warmth and assurance that he knew me, and that I was his kind master Paruta I perceived that he took me for a Venetian patrician of that naoodperhaps that I denied the title of Paruta in order to escape his thanks, followedto pray to God until his dying day for my happiness and for that of the whole Paruta family

I asked a friend who knew the nobleman in question if I resembled hihtly built, with thin legs and a pale face, and that he had not the least similarity to ata, the celebrated impresario of the opera;[9] it is notorious that the felloas a good span shorter than me, two palms broader, and wholly different in dress and personal appearance Well, through a tedious course of years, as long as this man lived, it was my misfortune to be stopped upon the road alers and dancers of both sexes, by chapel-masters, tailors, painters, letter-carriers, &c, all of whom mistook me for Michele I had to listen to interratitude, inquiries after lodgings, grure decorations and scanty wardrobes Froain, to refuse letters and parcels addressed to Michele dall'Agata, screa that I was not Michele All these persons, when they reluctantly at last took leave, turned back from ti their firm conviction that I _was_ Michele, who had reasons for not wishi+ng to _appear_ Michele One sunora Maria Canziani, an excellent and well-conducted dancer, and ood friend, had lately been confined I wished to pay her a visit, and inquired froht be introduced into her room She responded with these words addressed to heroutside, and would like to offer his respects to you” When I entered the aparthter at the wo paid this visit, I chanced to meet the celebrated professor of astronoe of San Lorenzo He knew me perfectly, and I knew him as well I bowed; he looked ravity, and passed onwards, saying: ”Addio Michele!” The continual persistence of this error aline that I was Michele If Michele had earned the ill-will of brutal and revengeful enemies, this hing , when the splendour of the ht into day, I went abroad to take the air, and was conversing with the patrician Francesco Gritti on the piazza of San Marco I heard a voice behindhere at this hour? Why don't you go to bed and sleep, you ass?” These words were accompanied with two smart raps upon my back I turned to resent the affront, and found azed fixedly at me, and then exclaimed: ”Pray pardon me! I could have sworn that you were Daniele Zanchi” So the cuffs and the title of ass, which I had got through being taken for a Daniele The cavaliere, it seeh with this fellow to call hin of a incident of the sa one very fine day with my friend Carlo Andrich on the Piazza di San Marco, when I observed a Greek, withcoat, and red cap, who had with him a boy dressed in the same costu ecstatic signs of joy After e me with rapture, he turned to the boy and said: ”Come, lad, and kiss the hand here of your uncle Costantino”

The boy seized and kissed my hand Carlo Andrich stared at es At length I asked the Greek for whom he took me ”What a joke!” said he; ”aren't you my dear friend Costantino Zucala?” Andrich held his sides to save hi, and it took nor Constantino Zucala On nor Zucala, I was assured that this worthy rain of resemblance to myself

I shall probably have wearied outthe hundredth part of such occurrences I will now glance at the hundredth part of the contrete , in su always happened If I chanced to be caught by so as I liked under a colonnade or in a shop, waiting till the rain stopped and I could get hole occasion did I ever have the consolation of seeing out the deluge; on the contrary, it invariably redoubled in fury, as though to spite me Goaded at last by the nuisance of this eternal useless waiting, fretful and eager to find e, and reachedater But no sooner had I arrived in this pitiful plight, unlocked the door, and taken shelter, than the clouds rolled by and the sun began to show his face, just as though he ht tih the whole course of my life, when I hoped to be alone, and to occupyfor my own distraction and amusement, letters or unexpected visitors, hts or importunate letters, would coht tian to shave, no sooner had I set ent haste to speak with me on business, or persons of i in the ante-chamber I had to wash the soap-suds from my face, and leave my room half-shaved, to listen to such folk on business, or to people of quality who to relate is hardly decent, yet I shall tell it, because it is the si contrarieties Almost every time when a sudden necessity has compelled me to seek some lonely corner in a street, a door is sure to open, and a couple of ladies appear In a hurry I run up another blind alley, and lo and behold another pair of ladies make their entrance on the scene The result is, that I aravest inconveniences, to which my modesty exposes nat-bites

Those who have the patience to read the re chapters of my insipid Memoirs, will admit that the evil star of these untoward circuue me Certainly the troubles in which poor Pietro Antonio Gratarol, for whoe behaviour, were not slight or inconsiderable

I think that the following incident is sufficiently co in the house of ina at S Cassiano The house was very large, and I was its sole inhabitant; for my two brothers, Francesco and Althe summer months, when people quit the city for the country, I used also to visit Friuli I was in the habit of leaving the keys of hbour, and a very honest h one of the tricks my evil fortune never ceased to play, that rains and inundations kept er than usual, far indeed into Noveht fine weather, caused an intense cold I travelled toward Venice, well enveloped in furs, traversing deep bogs, floundering through pitfalls in the road, and crossing streahtfall, I arrived, half dead with the disco sleep I left my boat at the post-house near S Cassiano, made a porter shoulder my portmanteau, and a servant take my hat-box under his arm Then I set off home, wrapped up in my pelisse, all anxiety to put myself into a arina, we found it so croith people in masks and folk of all sexes, that it was quite impossible for my two attendants with their burdens to push a way toof this crowd?” I asked a bystander ”The patrician Bragadino has been made Patriarch of Venice to-day,” was theopen-house; doles of bread, wine, and iven to the people for three days This is the reason of the enor that the door of e by which one passes to the Ca a turn round the Calle called del Ravano, I e, and effect an entrance into ether with the bearers of e; but when I reached the Caht of my s throide open, and my whole house adorned with lustres, ablaze ax-candles, burning like the palace of the sun After standing half a quarter of an hour agaze with ether, took heart of courage, crossed the bridge, and knocked loudly at uards presented the, with fierceness written on their faces: ”There is no road this way” ”How!” exclaientle tone of voice: ”why can I not get in here?”