Part 16 (1/2)
During this period she had held but little communication with her family
The coolness between her sisters and herself had, froer Their ill-will, which had begun some years previous, had been sti her residence abroad She had really written to them often, but it was impossible at that time for letters not to miscarry Those which she sent by private opportunities reached the and affectionate solicitude for them Always accustomed to help them out of difficulties, she worried over what she heard of their circumstances, and while her hands were, so to speak, tied, she made plans to contribute to their future coiven in the order of their date, that they ht not interrupt the narrative of the Imlay episode Theyritten to Everina about a month before fanny's birth:--
HAVRE, March 10, 1794
MY DEAR GIRL,--It is extre, or even daring to ask for an answer, lest I should involve others inme The French are at present so full of suspicion that had a letter of James's, imprudently sent to me, been opened, I would not have answered for the consequence I have just sent off a great part of my manuscripts, which Miss Willia her example; and to tell you the truth, my life would not have been worth much had they been found It is impossible for you to have any idea of the impression the sad scenes I have witnessed have left on my mind The climate of France is uncoree of ease and even simplicity in the manners of the common people which attaches me to them Still death and misery, in every shape of terror, haunt this devoted country I certainly alad that I came to France, because I never could have had a just opinion of the most extraordinary event that has ever been recorded, and I have met with some uncoratefully store up, and call to uish it has endured for its fellow-creatures at large, for the unfortunate beings cut off around me, and the still more unfortunate survivors If any of the many letters I have written have coh the protection of an American, a most worthy man, who joins to unco, a soundness of understanding and reasonableness of teht up in the interior parts of America, he is a most natural, unaffected creature I am with him now at Havre, and shall remain there till circumstances point out what is necessary for me to do Before I left Paris, I attempted to find the Laurents, whoht for, but to no purpose And I am apt to think that it was very prudent in them to leave a shop that had been the resort of the nobility
Where is poor Eliza? From a letter I received many, many months after it ritten, I suppose she is in Ireland Will you write to tell her that I most affectionately remember her, and still have in my mind some places for her future comfort Are you well? But why do I ask? you cannot reply to ht throws a damp on my spirits whilst I write, and makes my letter rather an act of duty than a present satisfaction God bless you! I rite by every opportunity, and am yours sincerely and affectionately,
MARY
Another written from Paris, before Imlay had shown hi a suggestion that Everina should join her in the spring:
PARIS, Septeirl, have received several letters from me, especially one I sent to London by Mr Imlay, I avail myself of this opportunity just to tell you that I am well and my child, and to request you to write by this occasion I do, indeed, long to hear fros of Charles, and as they must have reached you, I need not tell you what sincere satisfaction they afforded me I have also heard from James; he too, talks of success, but in a querulous strain What are you doing? Where is Eliza? You have perhaps answered these questions in answer to the letters I gave in charge to Mr I; but fearing that so you, let me repeat that I have written to you and to Eliza at least half a score of ti out different ways for you to write to iven you an account of my present situation, and introduced Mr Imlay to you as a brother you would love and respect I hope the time is not very distant e shall all meet Do be very particular in your account of yourself, and if you have not time to procure me a letter from Eliza, tell e, etc, etc I only write to ask questions, and to assure you that I am most affectionately yours,
MARY IMLAY
P S _September 20_--Should peace take place this winter, what say you to a voyage in the spring, if not to see your old acquaintance, to see Paris, which I think you did not do justice to I want you to see irl, who is more like a boy She is ready to fly aith spirits, and has eloquent health in her cheeks and eyes She does not proent, and though I aood-hu
That she had discussed the question of her sisters' prospects with Imlay seems probable from the fact that while he was in London alone, in Nove,--
” We shall both of us continue to cherish feelings of tenderness for you, and a recollection of your unpleasant situation, and we shall also endeavor to alleviate its distress by all the means in our power The present state of our fortune is rather [word omitted] However, you e of that knowledge too favorably, to suppose that whenever she has it in her power she will not apply some specific aid to promote your happiness I shall always be most happy to receive your letters; but as I shallof next week, I will thank you to let enuously in ay I can serve you in any manner or respect”
But all Mary's efforts to be kind could not soften their resentment On the contrary, it was still further increased by the step she took in their regard on her return to England in the saested Everina's joining her there; but in London, after her discovery of I her or Eliza into her house Her sorroas too sacred to be exposed to their gaze She was brave enough to tell them not to come to her, a course of action that few in her place would have had the courage to pursue In giving them her reasons for this new determination, she of course told them but half the truth To Everina she wrote:--
April 27, 1795
When you hear, ht without writing to you or Eliza, you will perhaps accuse me of insensibility; for I shall not lay any stress on ht during the ti because I was at a loss what I could do to render Eliza's situation ave Jones ten pounds to send, for a very obvious reason, in his own name to my father, and could send her a trifle of this kind immediately, were a temporary assistance necessary I believe I told you that Mr Imlay had not a fortune when I first knew him; since that he has entered into very extensive plans which proh not equal to the first prospect When a sufficient suive me for you and Eliza five or six hundred pounds, or more if he can In ay could this be of the h I have boggled at uttering theive me sincere pleasure to be situated near you both I cannot yet say where I shall determine to spend the rest of my life; but I do not wish to have a third person in the house with me; my domestic happiness would perhaps be interrupted, withoutof much use to Eliza This is not a hastily formed opinion, nor is it in consequence of ed now to express it because it appears to me that you have formed so on my determination, still I knohat principle I act, and therefore you can only judge for yourself I have not heard fro to me immediately you would relieve me from considerable anxiety Mrs Imlay, No 26 Charlotte Street, Rathbone Place
Yours sincerely, MARY
Two days later she wrote to this effect to Mrs Bishop Both letters are alive the second It was too s were stirred by what she considered an insult The kindness of years was in a nation was probably fanned into fiercer fury by her disappointment From a feords she wrote to Everina it see upon Mary for the realization of certain ”goodly prospects” She returned Mary's letter without a word, but to Everina she wrote;--
”I have enclosed this fahts of Women,' without any reflection She shall never hear froain Ree itated me that I know not what I say, but this I feel and know, that if you value my existence you will comply with my requisition [that is, to find her a situation in Ireland where she, Everina, then was], for I am positive I will never torture our a, irl? At least poor Bess can say it is a fruitful one Alas, poor Bess!”
It see, that if to hiiven, so also from him that hath not, shall it be taken away Just as she realized that Imlay's love was lost forever, Eliza's cruel, silent answer to her letter came to tell her it would be useless to turn to her sisters for sympathy They failed to do justice to her heart, but she bore them no resentment In one of her last letters to Imlay, she reminds him that when she went to Sweden she had asked him to attend to the wants of her father and sisters, a request which he had ignored The anger she excited in them, however, was never entirely appeased, and from that time until her death, she heard but little of theh deserted by those nearest to her, her friends rallied round her She was joyfully re-welcomed to the literary society which she had before frequented She was not treated as an outcast, because people resolutely refused to believe the truth about her connection with I them in this Godwin says in her desire to be honest she went so far as to explain the true state of the case to a man whom she knew to be the most inveterate tale-bearer in London, and ould be sure to repeat what she told him But it was of no avail
Her personal attractions and cleverness predisposed friends in her favor
In order to retain her society and also to silence any scruples that ht arise, they held her to be an injured wife, as indeed she really was, and not a deserted erly reopened their doors to her were in the majority One old friend who failed at this time, when his friendshi+p would have been most valued, was Fuseli Knowles has published a note in which Mary reproaches the artist for his want of sympathy It reads as follows:--
When I returned fro myself after ined you would have called upon ht, yet I write not at present to co ceased to expect kindness or affection from any human creature, and would fain tear from my heart its treacherous sy to hopes blasted in the bud, which I have endured, wounding hts adrift into an ocean of painful conjecture I ask impatiently what and where is truth? I have been treated brutally, but I daily labor to remember that I still have the duty of a mother to fulfil
I have written more than I intended,--for I only meant to request you to return my letters: I wish to have them, and it must be the same to you Adieu!
MARY
CHAPTER XII