Part 11 (1/2)
Imlay's love was to Mary what the kiss of the Prince was to the Sleeping Beauty in the fairy tale It awakened her heart to happiness, leading her into that neorld which is the old Hitherto the love which had been her portion was that which she had sought
” in the pity of other's woe, In the gentle relief of another's care”
And yet she had always believed that the pure passion which a ood in life That she ithout it had been to her a heavier trial than an unhappy ho debts Nohen she least expected it, it had co with fear for what the ht in the feverish whirl of rebellion, one at least had found rest
But human happiness can never be quite perfect Sensitiveness was a family fault with the Wollstonecrafts It had been developed rather than suppressed in Mary by her circumstances She was therefore keenly susceptible not only to Is Of these he had not a few He does not seem to have been a refined man From some remarks in Mary's letters it may be concluded that he had at one time been very dissipated, and that the society of coarse men and women had blunted his finer instincts His faults were peculiarly calculated to offend her His passion had to be stimulated His business called him away often, and his absences were unmistakably necessary to the maintenance of his devotion The sunshi+ne of her new life was therefore not entirely unclouded She was by degrees obliged to lower the high pedestal on which she had placed her lover, and to admit to herself that he was not much above the level of ordinary h it made her occasionally melancholy But she was, on the whole, happy
In Septeo to Havre, where he was detained for several months Love had cast out all fear from her heart
She was certain that he considered himself in every sense of the word her husband; and therefore during his absence she frankly told him how much she missed him, and in her letters shared her troubles and pleasures with hiht to tell him of her love and her loneliness She could not take his slippers froe of books sent to her, but said she would keep them until he could read thes She drew pictures of the happy days to come when in the farm, either in America or France, to which they both looked forward as their _Ultis by their fireside, perhaps with children about their knees If Eliza sent her a worrying letter, half the worry was gone when she had confided it to him If ne'er-do-weel Charles, te to be so, wrote her one that pleased her, straightway she described the delight hich he would make a friend of Imlay When the latter had been away but a short time, she found there was to be a new tie between them As the father of her unborn child he became doubly dear to her, while the consciousness that another life depended upon her ht,” she told hi of tenderness to you, but made me very attentive to calm my mind and take exercise lest I should destroy an object in e are to have a an Paul says, ”No one can read her letters without seeing that she was a pure, high-minded, and refined woman, and that she considered herself, in the eyes of God andthe first part of his absence, Imlay appears to have been as devoted as she could have wished hiularly,--as indeed, how could they in those troubled days?--he grew in In Decelad to find that other people can be unreasonable as well as myself, for be it known to thee, that I answered thy _first_ letter the very night it reached h thou couldst not receive it before Wednesday, because it was not sent off till the next day There is a full, true, and particular account
Yet I ary with thee, my love, for I think that it is a proof of stupidity, and, likewise, of a , when the te picturesque in this straight-lined equality, and the passions always give grace to the actions
Recollection now etting face, though I cannot be seriously displeased with the exertion which increases my esteem, or rather is what I should have expected from thy character No; I have thy honest countenance before me,--Pop,--relaxed by tenderness; a little, little wounded bywith sympathy Thy lips then feel softer than soft, and I restall the world I have not left the hue of love out of the picture--the rosy glow; and fancy has spread it over , whilst a delicious tear trerateful emotion, directed to the Father of nature, who has ive more warmth to the sentiment it divides I must pause athus? I do not knohy, but I have more confidence in your affection when absent than present; nay, I think that you must love me, for, in the sincerity of my heart let me say it, I believe I deserve your tenderness, because I aree of sensibility that you can see and relish
Yours sincerely, MARY
But there were days during his absence when her melancholy returned with full force She could not but fear that the time would come when the coarse fibre of his love would work her evil Just after he left, she wrote,--
” So er about less weighty affairs? How are you? I have been following you all along the road this comfortless weather; for when I aination is as lively as if oing to say caresses, and why should I not? I have found out that I have more mind than you in one respect; because I can, without any violent effort of reason, find food for love in the saer than you can The way to ive me! I think there is sometimes a shorter cut to yours
”With ninety-nine men out of a hundred, a very sufficient dash of folly is necessary to render a woman _piquante_, a soft word for desirable; and, beyond these casual ebullitions of sy a passion in their hearts One reason, in short, why I wish my whole sex to become wiser, is, that the foolish ones may not, by their pretty folly, rob those whose sensibility keeps down their vanity, of the few roses that afford them some solace in the thorny road of life
”I do not kno I fell into these reflections, excepting one thought produced it--that these continual separations were necessary to war
Crack! crack! and away you go! This joke wears the sallow cast of thought; for, though I began to write cheerfully, some er there, whilst a glow of tenderness at my heart whispers that you are one of the best creatures in the world Pardon then the vagaries of a mind that has been almost 'crazed by care,' as well as 'crossed in hapless love,' and bear with ether, more duties will open before itated by every eriefs, will learn to rest on yours with that dignity your character, not to talk of my own, demands”
The business at Havre apparently could not be easily settled The date of Irew restless at his prolonged stay This she let hi to let concealment prey on her spirits It was as irief as it was to res Her first complaints, however, are half playful, half serious They were inspired by her desire to see hi as to the cause of his detention On the 29th of December she wrote:
”You seem to have taken up your abode at Havre Pray, sir! when do you think of co home? or, to write very considerately, ill business perland) that you will make a _power_ of money to indemnify me for your absence
”Well! but, my love, to the old story,--am I to see you this week, or this month? I do not knohat you are about, for as you did not tell enerally pretty communicative”
But the playfulness quickly disappeared Mary was ill, and her illness aggravated her normal sensitiveness, while the terrible death-drama of the Revolution was calculated to deepen rather than to relieve her gloom
A day or two later she broke out vehemently:--
” I hate coanized from mine! You will tell me that exertions are necessary
I as public and private vexesa few days ago, disappear again 'I am fallen,' as Milton said, 'on evil days,' for I really believe that Europe will be in a state of convulsion during half a century at least Life is but a labor of patience; it is always rolling a great stone up a hill; for before a person can find a resting-place, iain, and all the work is to be done over anew!
”Should I attee the strain
My head aches and arden' where things 'rank and vile' flourish best
”If you do not return soon,--or, which is no such weighty matter, talk of it,--I will throw my slippers out at , and be off, nobody knohere”