Part 3 (1/2)

There was no chance of relief froain, but his second e had not ie of drunkenness and insignificance His hoed to exist Jaone to sea in search of better fortune Charles, the youngest, was not old enough to seek his, and hence had to endure as best he could the wretchedness of the Wollstonecraft household Instead of Mary's receiving help froive it Kinder to her father than he had ever been to her, she never ignored his difficulties When she had money, she shared it with him When she had none, she did all she could to force Edward, the one prosperous member of the family, to send his father the pecuniary assistance which, it seems, he had promised

In whatever direction she looked, she saw misery and unhappiness The present was unendurable, the future hopeless For a brief interval she was ale Blood, now even dearer to her than he had been before, she laid bare the weariness of her heart

Shortly after her return she wrote him this letter, pathetic in its despair:

NEWINGTON GREEN, Feb 4, 1786

I write to you, e, lest my silence should make you uneasy; yet what have I to say that will not have the sao ith me, and e, and the weather was so teer I did not expect ever to have reached land If it had pleased Heaven to have called me hence, what a world of care I should have missed! I have lost all relish for pleasure, and life seems a burden almost too heavy to be endured My head is stupid, and my heart sick and exhausted But why should I worry you? and yet, if I do not tell you my vexations, what can I write about?

Your father and mother are tolerably well, and inquireyou They do not suspect that you have left Lisbon, and I do not intend infor them of it till you are provided for I ah I a, yet I have every reason to apprehend extreme distress, and of course they , and we shall soon lose our last boarder, Mrs Disney She and the girls quarrelled while I hich contributed to reeable Her sons are to be whole boarders at Mrs cockburn's

Let me turn my eyes on which side I will, I can only anticipate misery Are such prospects as these likely to heal an almost broken heart? The loss of fanny was sufficient of itself to have thrown a cloud over htest days; what effect, then, must it have when I am bereft of every other co any longer in this house, the rent is so enoro, without money or friends, who can point out? My eyes are very bad and one I am not fit for any situation; and as for Eliza, I don't knoill become of her

My constitution is i, yet I

Well, I am too ined ”The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” I scarce knohat I write, yetat all when my mind is so disturbed is a proof to you that I can never be lost so entirely into hear that you are settled It is the only quarter from which I can reasonably expect pleasure I have received a very short, unsatisfactory letter fro the money to your father which he promised It would have been particularly acceptable to them at this time; but he is prudent, and will not run any hazard to serve a friend Indeed, delicacy made me conceal from him my dismal situation, but he must kno much I am embarrassed

I am very low-spirited, and of course then it out in the same strain, but conclude hat alone will be acceptable, an assurance of love and regard

Believe me to be ever your sincere and affectionate friend,

MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT

”There is but one true cure for suffering, and that is action,” Dr

Maudsley says The first thing Mary did in her misery was to undertake neork, this time a literary venture, not for herself, but for the benefit of Mr and Mrs Blood Their son-in-law having refused to contribute froave froation of Mr Hewlet, one of her friends already hts on the Education of Daughters” This gentleh that he felt sure of her success as a writer As he ell acquainted with Mr Johnson, a prominent bookseller in Fleet Street, he could promise that her manuscript would be dealt with fairly Her choice of subject was, in one way, fortunate Being a teacher she could speak on educationalor remarkable

Indeed, it is chiefly worth notice because it was theher to Mr Johnson, as a true friend to her through her darkest, as well as through her brightest, days, and whose influence was strong in shaping her career He paid her ten guineas for her paave to Mr and Mrs Blood, ere thereby enabled to leave England and go to Dublin There, they thought, because they and their disgrace were not yet known, the chances of their starting in life afresh were greater

It was now time for Mary to turn her attention to her own affairs It was absolutely necessary to give up the school Her presence could not recall the pupils who had left it, and her debts were pressing The success of the sisters had been too slight to tempt them to establish a similar institution in another town They determined to separate, and each to earn her livelihood alone Mary was not loath to do this Because of her superior ade a share of the work in the school had devolved upon her, while her sisters' society was a hindrance rather than a comfort She was ready to sacrifice herself for others, but she had enough coreat unselfishness in details would in the end destroy her power of aiding in larger matters

She could do more for Eliza and Everina away from them, than if she continued to live with them

What she desired most earnestly was to devote all her time to literary work Mr Hewlet had represented to her that she would be certain toMr Johnson had received her pamphlet favorably, and had asked for further contributions But her present as urgent, and she could not wait on a probability She had absolutely no money to live upon while she hly the lesson of patience and of self-restraint, and she resolved for the present to continue to teach By doing this, she could still find a few spare hours for literary purposes, while she could gradually save enough ed One plan, abandoned, however, before she atte letter to George Blood The tone in which she writes is much less hopeless than that of the letter last quoted

Already the re to have its effect:--

NEWINGTON GREEN, May 22, 1787

By this tie, I hope your father andto hear of their safe arrival A few days after they set sail, I received a letter from Skeys He laments his inability to assist thelad I a to a crisis Some of my creditors cannot afford to wait for their land in debt, I am deter to go out into the world, the one as a companion, and the other as a teacher, and I believe I shall continue so, and living without a servant; and the few scholars I have will maintain me I have done with all worldly pursuits and wishes; I only desire to sub dependent on the caprice of our fellow-creatures I shall have many solitary hours, but I have not ive way to fear Besides, I try to look on the best side, and not to despond While I a to do my duty in that station in which Providence has placed me, I shall enjoy soreatest relish for are not entirely out oftofor patience to bear my many trials

Surely, when I could determine to survive fanny, I can endure poverty and all the lesser ills of life I dreaded, oh! how I dreaded this time, and now it is arrived I am calmer than I expected to be I have been very unwell; my constitution is , and the prisoner will ere long get free Remember that I am your truly affectionate friend and sister,

MARY WOLLSTONECRAFT

Perhaps the uncertainty of keeping her pupils, or the double work necessitated by this project, discouraged her At all events, it was relinquished when other and seely better proposals were ton Green recommended her to the notice of Mr Prior, then assistant Master at Eton, and his wife Through theoverness to the children of Lord Kingsborough, an Irish nobleman If she accepted it, she would be spared the anxiety which a school of her own had heretofore brought her The salary would be forty pounds a year, out of which she calculated she could pay her debts and then assist Mrs Bishop But she would lose her independence, and would expose herself to the indifference or conteovernesses ”I should be shut out froe Blood, ”and be debarred the pleasures of imperfect friendshi+p, as I should on every side be surrounded by unequals To live only on tere of little acts of kindness and tenderness, would be to me extremely irksome” The prospect, it es outweighed the drawbacks, and Mary agreed to Lady Kingsborough's ter a trip to Ireland, and they suggested that she should acco was not easy in those days, and she decided to wait and go with them But, for some reason, they did not start as soon as they had expected She had already joined them in their home at Eton, in which place their delay detained her for soave her the opportunity to study the school and the principles upon which it was conducted The entire systehts of Woly expressed her unfavorable opinion Judging froulated according to the sausted her so ion was established The slavery to forms, demanded of the boys, seehtness What, indeed, could be expected of a boy ould take the sacrauinea imposed upon those ould not confor and for her ideas on the subject of education

Mrs Prior seeiven her every chance to become acquainted not only with the school, but with the social life at Eton But her interest in the gay world, as there represented, was lukewar upon life as real and earnest, and not as a ave theies in efforts to raise a laugh Wit of rather an affected kind was the fashi+on of the day At its best it was odious, but when s of society, it was beyond endurance Heine says that there is no man so crazy that he may not find a crazier comrade ill understand him And it may be said as truly, that there is no reater fools ready to admire his folly To Mary Wollstonecraft it was doubtful which was most to be despised, the affectation itself or the applause which nourished it The governess elect, whose heart was heavy laden, saw in the flippant gayeties of Eton naught but vanity and vexation of spirit

She wrote to Everina on the 9th of October,--