Chapter 37 - Dangerous feelings (2/2)

Alexandre had already left! A long time ago. The spot where he had lain was cold. She did not know why, but she felt disappointed. What was she hoping for? What had she expected after yesterday? She narrowed her eyes tiredly as the memories of yesterday evening came back.

”I was crying.” She said in disgust. The last time she had cried was when she had discovered Pascal's and Nadine's relationship. That night, for the first time, she allowed feelings to overwhelm her. Actually, she hid her feelings well. At least she always thought so. Feelings were dangerous. She hated to show her inner self. To let people too close to herself, she feared the most. In two lives she hadn't witnessed any good experiences with feelings. People hurt each other more often than they were aware of.

Yesterday she had cried for the second time in this life. She had allowed feelings to flood her heart. Now Lily was certain, she had to distance herself from her feelings. Put them back in small boxes and hide them in a dark room. Until she forgot that they even existed. She did not want to be guided by emotions like her mother. She needed a clear mind to survive in this world.

She felt inflexible and heavy as she pushed the blanket aside. Lily was about to get out of bed, then she saw a white note on Alexandre's pillow. She grabbed the sheet and unfolded it.

Lily,

As promised, we will talk about our problems.

Unfortunately, I had to go to a meeting that can not be postponed.

I'll call you later.

-Alec

The letter was written in a beautiful, curved handwriting. The sentences were brief, but they came straight to the point. Somehow, she was happy about it. She felt lighter and relaxed, but also surprised. After all the chaos yesterday evening, Lily found it difficult to crawl out of bed. Actually, she wanted to continue to hide under her blanket. She wondered how much the staff had heard. Their quarrel was pretty loud, she assumed. She had completely lost her composure. Lily stared at the wall, embarrassed. ”Why did I have to howl?” She was startled by her own emotional outburst that came so suddenly, like a tidal wave, it had surprised her and just swept her away. She wondered about herself.

Lily pressed her hand to her forehead and let herself fall back into bed, groaning.

”Lily?” Asks Adrien sleepily and rubbed his fists over the still closed eyes. He shivered slightly and pressed himself against her.