Chapter 1219 - Mu Mu Was Her Daughter (1/2)

Now he knew.

He knew there was no longer any chance.

Xuan Ying’s scarred face lay deep within his mother’s embrace as he sobbed miserably like a child.

“Mother, I know that I have no excuse for myself. Any excuse I have is just feeble and weak. What kind of days did we live in the South Palace in the past? Mother, you were always bullied by the South Duke. When he wasn’t scolding you, he was beating you. The more I saw of that, the colder and crueler I became.

“I started trying to vie for Father’s affection by dealing with the criminals and staining my hands red. There was nothing I was afraid of and my blood was boiling all the time. This way of living made me extremely bloodthirsty and resulted in my anger disorder. I know that it was for my sake that you sent me away from the ruthless South Palace.

“I fell from being the second Young Master in the South Palace to being a small manservant in Ah Jiao’s Room, and that was where I met Feng Lingxue.

“We came from similar backgrounds, but I continued to live in darkness while she shone bright and beautiful, like the sun. On every special occasion, all the other girls would receive extravagant gifts and compete with each other, but all she required was a bite from the sweet potato I baked for her. That was enough to elicit a smile from her.

“Even when she belonged to me, I couldn’t stop feeling frightened, uneasy and doubtful of myself. I was afraid that she would meet someone better than me someday and leave me.

“And it finally happened. On the day of her coming-of-age ceremony, she didn’t come at the time we arranged to meet. I went looking for her, but her room was shut tightly. I was kicked to the ground and my face was destroyed.

“I’ve felt pain down to my very bones every day for the past three years. I know I’ve let you down, mother, and made you resentful, but I need this position of power. I didn’t dare to stop at all. I only thought of climbing higher and higher, so that I could look down and see where she had gone. I wanted to know whether the me who wasn’t qualified for her in the past had enough to deserve her now… Half of my face was ruined and my heart was full of holes. I was buried in darkness, where I became uglier and sicker. My heart became more and more selfish.

“When we met again, she was still as beautiful as she had been in the past, so beautiful that all I wanted to do was to ruin her. I whipped her, slapped her, kicked her to the ground. When she refused to beg for her life on the day of my engagement party, I even wanted to carve a word on her face to ruin her beauty. Once she was ugly, no one would like her and no one would take her from me.

“I wanted her to be scared. I wanted her to bow to me. I wanted her to be obedient. This way, she wouldn’t dare to leave me and I could break her wings and trap her here so she would be with me forever.

“Mother, I know now, I know that I was wrong. Now I know what a horrible mistake I’ve made. Even if there’s a one-in-a-million chance that I could have her back, I don’t want to think of it anymore. I don’t deserve to think of it.

“For the past few days, I’ve been thinking of the time I took her for a cable car ride. It was her birthday and her eyes were sparkling so beautifully as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I had so many things to say to her. She had stared at me so with eyes so full of murderous intent that night. Maybe she was trying to tell me that she had been raped and wanted my comfort and protection. She probably wanted me to tell her that it wasn’t her fault, but… I pushed her away instead and I only scolded her coldly. I watched as those bright eyes of hers dimmed.

“What have I done? For the past three years, I actually… actually haven’t forgotten her at all. My dreams are filled with her, and so is my heart. I love her so much and have been climbing higher and higher just for her. That ring too… I wanted to marry her…”

Xuan Ying suddenly fell silent. He had no idea what he was saying. All his words were useless now. He had already done all he could. Humiliated her to the best of his ability and ruined her.

She had told him that he was no longer her Brother Ying and was no different from the man who had raped her.

He had finally become a devil to her.

He had murdered her.

Concubine Yu’s heart ached as she looked at her son. “Go. Go and see her.”

Xuan Ying shook his head. “I don’t have the courage. I haven’t thought anything through. What am I supposed to do without her?”

Regardless of how much he had hated and wronged her, his entire world had consisted only of her all these years.

Now she had left so suddenly and his world had collapsed. He didn’t know what he was going to do now.

What was he going to do?

As she heard his emotions spilling out, Concubine Yu wiped her tears away and stroked her son’s head. “Go now. I took a look at her just now. She’s awake.”

She was awake.

Awake.

Xuan Ying froze and quickly raised his head. His tears blurred his vision as he looked up in surprise. “Mother, what do you mean?”