Part 28 (2/2)
”He's an officer, and that's all you need to know”
I still hadn't looked over at the one as talking to me
”I don't see what er rise
”If I have to ask you again there's going to be a problem Now let me see your ID!”
And for the first tih I'd already pictured hi American male, cocky, full of adrenaline and perhaps an unfocused hatred for h we'd never met I knew his next move would be to draw his weapon and, with shouts and threats, order round Naturally, I didn't want to subject Tamu and Keonda to such treatment, so I handed him my ID He took it and went back to his car to run a itated
”What's your real name?”
”Sanyika Shakur,” I repliedthat Sanyika Shakur had no record whatsoever When I was first released I'd had ed to Sanyika Shakur, so I could now honestly answer that that was my name
”No,” said the officer, ”your real naed it”
”Sanyika Shakur,” I said, holding fast, knowing that the only way he could find out that I was once Kody Scott would be to fingerprint me, and he had no cause to take ed it?” he asked again
”Sanyika Shakur,” I answered once again
And then fro she was offering a helpful tip ”Your real name, that Mommy used to call you”
I turned a few shades darker I couldn't believe it: Keonda had given itive, it was the principle of the thing Simply because Sanyika Shakur was not in the police computer the officer had beco New Afrikan male had to be in the computer! When I looked up at the officer he had a expression on his face that said, Noas that so hard? I was boilingwhat they'd find under that na
”Well, Kody Scott, you are on state prison parole and you are fifty miles from your parole office, whichyour parole But since you have your faain in this town you're going to jail Do I o, Kody Scott” And he threw my ID in my lap and slapped the roof of the old car I was furious
When we got hohter talk with Keonda She certainly didn't know any better, but would have to learn After all, this was the real world
Kershaun and I were given AK-47s for Christmas by a hoone around the entire neighborhood passing them out-brand-new, still in the boxes-to OGs When he asked Li'l Bro if there was anyone he thought he shouldn't give one to, Bro replied, ”Yeah, Darryl Gates”
Shaun and I began to frequent the firing range weekly, practicing the use of our AKs Eventually ere able to organize a s for a job closer to my family, one that afforded me the opportunity to spendto find eh my parole officer had forbidden me to live there and the police had threatened to jail ain, I had a responsibility to my family I'd just have to risk it
I was driven to take risks withthe type of father mine had been to et to reat lengths of time helped in one very real sense: it had preventedmultiple children by different wo children and not being able to raise them, to live with them
The job I found was directly behind our house I worked for a security firm owned by a New Afrikan man My job was to si materials so that they weren't stolen My hours were froave s around the house
My ht father to h eren't yet married in the traditional sense-and a revolutionary sye ca out pamphlets I had written on Tamu's typewriter I still held sht Trays at o to the Los Angeles County Jail and see Crazy De, I tried everything to avoid going I ht lied to myself several times in useless attempts to avoid what I kneould be perhaps theI'd had to face in some time Crazy De and I had talked on the phone a few times, and I could almost hear the certainty of the future for hie me to come see him and I'd tell hi else to change the subject But I believe he knew all along what I was going through My phone nuotten out, and soon every one of the hoan to function like sort of a counselor to some of them Others wanted me to neutralize their witnesses But De, all he wanted was for ht up until he sent hisme down to the county jail When Alo and facein jail, where perhaps he'd be trapped for the rest of his life
Alear up psychologically to deal with the police-state at room, where so those visitors they felt were coirlfriends, supporters, and especially affiliates were discouraged froht down the wrath of the deputies I no longer dressed like a gang member, but I didn't dress ”norreen fez, a black t-shi+rt, and black fatigues bloused over my co before hip-hop made it fashi+onable
Aln up to see De I scanned the waiting roo New Afrikans and Chicanos, with their children running happily about the filthy rooan to recall memories of times past I had experienced with Crazy De, ht ation It was he who'd advised me to stick with Tamu over China because, as he'd explained it, Tas that we could only dream about from where ere then It was De who'd accompanied me when I visited my Godparents' hoh on PCP, only to come out with my Godmother and find that the van had rolled backward down the hill and onto soot down the hill and opened the van door, De stepped out like an e realized that the van had moved He'd smiled and said, ”Nice to meet you, God” I rehhis hardy laughter echoing off the shack walls in reaction to a good joke I've seen hiht th, and with pride That I had learned to express emotions was attributable to De If I was the epitome of the militarist in the 'hood, then De sy member De was one you wished to have around you at all times, under any circumstances He was a leader of leaders, with the potential to be a king of kings But I couldn't get to hih to show hi realistic goals A path that e the dehumanization of anyone else De would have liked that
”Visitors for Denard,” said a metallic voice over the PA syste room toward the area sectioned off for visitors De was already there waiting When he saw us he lit up like a thousand-watt bulb He talked with Al, his whole face bea that each visit is limited to twenty minutes, Alma spoke quickly and handed me the telephone
”Hey, you, what's up, De?”
”You,” he replied, and then added, ”I'lad you came, Sanyika”
”Yeah, well, you know, I didn't want to have to see you like this”
”I know, but you knohat, this ain Sanyika, I'e That alone carries a life sentence On top of that I got twohard into nal that I could actually feel the weight of what he was expressing Sitting there with his mother, I didn't kno to respond What, I wondered, could I say to h? And did I really know?
”daet stuck like that, man? I mean, what” But I couldn't even talk, I was so choked up
”Dope,” he said simply ”One word You hear me, Sanyika? I've fucked et involved in that shi+t, ho you”
”Na, I'm not But, De, I want you to know, man, that I'm here for you I love you”
”Check this out You have chosen another path now, soh I's which contributed to your decision to be a revolutionary, I respect what you're doing, and no love is lost frootta understand that I'sta for life, hoet his point fully across he said solee or a smite, just the facts as they were at that moment De felt perfectly comfortable inside of the chaotic confines of the set and the larger subculture of banging
To break with the set, I'd had to draw on e to step out of myself, my set,on in the world around me This had been neither easy nor comfortable The process was slow, often obscured, and always painful I'd had to look back beyond the good tirief-stricken faces of mothers who had lost their children I've found that unless you have children you'll never knohat it's like to lose a child I'd had to openpushed in and weapons being cocked, screeching car tires, running feet, the hunted and the hunters, the sudden blasts of gunfire; to see the twisted, lifeless bodies, the wounded still trying to run or crawl, the yellow ho, the tears over a fas, the alcohol, the angry faces-this process, the way of life for so many, repeated itself over and over Two sides, each violently throwing itself against the other These are the scenes that contributed to e of life and death on the front lines of all-out war
Although I didn't agree with De's continued participation in the cycle of violence, I did overstand how he could still feel content I had been fortunate in et a perspective andhere with De, I felt fortunate once again
”De, what I have chosen to do within the first place You see, it conaling the end of the visit De heard it, too We sat there for aat each other, separated frolasWhen the deputies cao our separate ways, we simultaneously saluted each other-n The final chain had been broken
Gangsterisle to eradicate the causes of gangsterisle to which I am dedicated
EPILOGUE
In January of 1991 I was captured by the LAPD for assault and grand theft auto These charges steiven a stubborn crack dealer who had refused to stop selling his product on my corner His van was confiscated because of his stubborn insistence, which led to the GTA charge I rets When the police and other govern on in our communities, then those of us who live in them must take responsibility for their protection and maintenance As it turned out, this specific dealer was also a paid police informant
Because of my terrible record, I faced a sentence of seventeen years I eventually pleaded guilty and received seven years When I arrived back at prison, I was immediately put in solitary confine a threat to institutional security, I am now into my third year of solitary confinement
I admit that I ae, such as the taking of life, but I did so in a setting that seemed to dictate such action I do not h they do play a prominent role in my behavior and that ofto warrant the treat to prison I am held here in isolation because of my political views and for assertions I've made