Part 27 (1/2)
I went to s killed Weusi, a Blood froainst a Southern Mexican, as also shot and killed I refused to sign the trust withdrawal to pay for the bed by saying, ”I don't make deals with terrorists who shoot and kill Afrikan people” The pig turned dark red and told the escort pigs to lock h Muhammad, with the New Afrikan Independence Moveical forave me answers to all the questions I had about myself in relation to this society I learned about how our situation in this country was that of an oppressed nation, colonized by capitalist-i and precise I saw then that all the talk of the C-Nation was actually an aspiration of our nationalistic reality Once I overstood the New Afrikan ideology and pledged iance to the Republic of New Afrika's independence, I began to see Cripping in a different light There was a faction in CCO at the ti to be revolutionary Crips, but this was contradictory and could not be attained without transfory of Crip and its relation to the masses of people So the debate was on
In 1987 we disbanded the CCO in San Quentin It had failed to evolve because the leadershi+p had failed to realize that real revolution is futuristic, not static Muhaood visit I believe he was seeing rowth My test would come in the real world of society
In 1987 I met a sister named Akiba Dhoruba Shakur, whom I affectionately called Adi Beach, and an aspiring revolutionary Muhaan to write and discuss politics and the future All of my influences were positive Those that were not, I excluded
That same year I was let out of the Hole and sent to Folsoenerals and Central Committee members were there: Askari, Suma, Imara, Tabari, Sunni, and Talib The Crip population was totally antagonistic toward them, with the exception of Talib, who becas as I did, so I turned him on to the New Afrikan Independence Movement
After six et them to make the leap with us, Talib and I left the Crips and threw our lot in with the Independence Moveh to say that I had transcended thespent thirteen years oflife inside what had initially seemed like an extended fausted with its insatiable appetite for destruction Destruction no longer fed hts I wanted to construct so is tantaet out of the Crips I could not just go to the ad and put in for a transfer to civilian life I had to practice what I wanted to express, expression eventually to co out turned out to beone's name and deeds in conjunction hat you believe Many fail in trying to e to civilian life through working, going to school or church, or hborhood But ravitational pull of the safe familiarity of the set and the 'hood
It was hard for me to truly substantiateand I had no support whatsoever I knew that my enemies of old would never believe that I had actually stopped, so they would not cease trying to destroy me My homies would feel let down, disappointed, and perhaps betrayed And I would be locked in a defensive posture for goodness kno long
During my time in Folsom prison I distanced myself as much as possible from the madness of the Crips and the Bloods Unless it was a racial conflict, I didn't have tiativity My everyday actions deot soes of my transition went so to my electronics class and stay until midafternoon Once the class let out, I'd doand calisthenics I had long since given up on weights in exchange for a sleek, defined, lio there after my exercise routine I used my clerk job to help make others aware of the New Afrikan Independence Movean to write, and in 1988 I coy Co, and it was printed It was so exciting to see hts in print, and was a tremendous help in my revolutionary development Talib and I were cellly, the gang coan to support my efforts, but this came after an entire year of ers, and they still talked withabout o around trying to persuade the bangers that their line rong But it rong to ht Once I recognized it, however, I had to stick with it
I had faced the realization of ould ulti in its proper perspective While it did and still does supply ard youth with an idea of collective being and responsibility, in the end it wrecks the lives of its participants and the innocents who live anywhere near its ”silo,” or base of operations It is, unfortunately, the extreme expression of hopelessness in New Afrikan coe in the for would be a betrayal first of uidance, uidance or roup that had no morals, where Monsters and Fat Rats ran around like heroes for wanton acts of ression? While I take full responsibility for all the wickedness I have done, I do not take pride in it To me, now, there is no beauty in destruction for destruction's sake
The second betrayal is that of all those who have been killed in our past, who fought so hard for our freedom only to have us follow in their ithback most of the coation to theainst the all-powerful suction of the set It was by no ht path I got no pats on the back or congratulations fro tionists, skeptics, and obdurate onlookers waiting in the wings for me to stumble and fall I took it one day at a time
In November of 1988 I was paroled I had served four years and nine months on a seven-year sentence I was met in Sacramento by a Muslim that Muhaht the plane ticket Once I got to the Los Angeles airport I felt much better
When I entered the terminal I didn't see anybody familiar Not ten steps later I heard a voice
”Freeze! Put your hands slowly on your head and interlock your fingers”
I didn't even bother to turn around I went through the motions without a word
”Where you come in from?” the voice asked ”And what's in the pouch?”
”I a from Sacramento”
”Oh yeah? Who were you with up there, huh?”
”A friend ofthe ats in that pouch, do you?”
”Naw, just sos from school”
”You a student, too?”
”Yeah, I's, and anyone else for thatasked where I'd come from and I told him He asked who I ith and I told him And yes, I was a student A student of revolutionary science
”Motherfucker,” whispered a second pig, who'd been searching ot released from state prison”
”Yeah, it's in Sacraround, the contents spilling to the floor aroundcaer”
And with that they faded back into the flow of terer years that wouldn't have bothered me much But with my new direction and expanded consciousness, it struck me hard
I was picked up by ht to my mother's job She was a bartender She didn't see us enter the darkened club and before she could spot us ere standing there before her
”Oh,” said Moenuine love and affection as I leaned over the bar to hug her
”Honey, I've missed you so much”
”Me too, Moht over Mo tide of tears After all our disagrees, she still loved h in trying to raise us, especially Kershaun and ly lived in juvenile hall, court, or some other detention center Despite this hardshi+p, Mom would faithfully be there every time to plead for our release Because of us, she took et off at ten, but I know you have a lot to do, so let's get together to my eyes with the back of my hand ”For sure, huh?”
”Yeah, for sure”
”All right, Mom I love you”
”And I love you, too, baby”
Kerwin and I left and h the South Central streets toward Moathered for my arrival I couldn't believe the drabness of the city Burned-out buildings and vacant houses took up whole blocks Gas stations and liquor stores owned by Koreans were on every corner Mexican es like dope The obvious things that had been there all along I no differently Washi+ngton Boulevard recked, rife with erocery carts commandeered from supermarkets They used to seem like lazy bums Now they seemed to manifest the cruel irresponsibility of society Graffiti-sprayed walls that I once was able to read and overstand were now scraith sos ot to the house in twenty minutes When I walked inside it see around the table staring at me They all wanted to know, and no doubt hoped, that Sanyika was real and had finally put to rest the old beast, Monster No one spoke They just looked atthat the first word out of my mouth wouldn't be ”cuz”
”Habari za jioni,” I said, which is Kiswahili for Good evening, and the whole room seemed to exhale with relief