Part 14 (1/2)
”You Monster Kody Ain't nobody gonna let you live in peaceThe set needs you”
My young consciousness screamed back in an attempt to exert itself
”Who is Monster Kody?J aelse?No, not that I know ofWhat is Monster Kody?A Crip, an Eight Tray, a Rollin' Sixty killera black manBlack man, black ain and again
”nobody gonna let you live in peace”
”Who ain't gonna let you live in peace?”
”Black men, black men, black men”
”Why?!” my consciousness shouted back, ”WHY?!”
I had no answer The confusion gavea crossroad, but I didn't kno to handle it Should I accept it or reject it? In a perverted sort of way I enjoyed being Monster Kody I lived for the power surge of playing God, having the power of life and death inin a car with three other hoeous as I was To me, at that time in my life, this was power Itthe substantial-like land-never occurred to hter or a nation, New Afrika, never crossed my mind I was only responsible tosubjected to a wider reality than I had ever known
Then I heard it As I was struggling with this dile to make
”When you were born you were born black That's all Then, later on, you turned Crip, dig?”
In this light I found clarity But, I askedof us? Did I have to be a Musli a Crip or a Blood, as opposed to being a hook or a civilian Where I came from, in order to be down you had to be ”in” Did I have to be ”in”-that is, a Musliht and internal debate had to go into this issue
My thing was this: I didn't believe there was a God I just had no faith in what I couldn't see, feel, taste, hear, or smell All my life I have seen the power of life and death in the hands of men and boys If I shot at someone and I hit him and he died, who took his life? Me or God? Was it predestined that on this day at this tiuy out of existence? I never believed that I believed that I hunted hiht him, and killed him I had lived in too n to this world So I had a proble other than myself
My interest here was drawn by the militancy of Malcolm X and Muhaot was Soul on Ice by Eldridge Cleaver Most of it was too hard to grasp, but what I did get wasI found that this was my preference
I was subsequently taken off the Rock and put back in Unit Three, in co school for my GED, I met a brother named Walter Brown Bro-orked at YTS as a teacher but functioned better as a guiding light-had been a prisoner hireat influence over most of us ere considered OGs Broas militant but responsible Not to imply that militants are irresponsible, but Broas specifically responsible for the upbringing of us-young, New Afrikan ree of effectiveness can be nated to ”teach” parole classes That gave him access to prisoners for one week, one hour a day, before they were paroled This skimpy time frame could not possibly have helped prisoners deal with the ht was useless, old institutional garbage that was not applicable to the streets Brown, however, was beyond that and taught hard-core reality-politics that drew those of us who listened closer to the brink of consciousness Some of us, those who Brown felt had potential, would stop by his class long before pre-parole and sit and listen to him talk about the raw reality of America
”Kody,” Broould say, ”these white folks ain't playin', man They will lock you up, lock you down, lock you in just like they have locked you out of this society If you haven't got any marketable skills to sustain an income on your own, h-risk living-actually just existing You young, black, unskilled, strongyou sood enough You use drugs, you drink, and to top it off you gangbang! Man, how you gonna make it?”
”Man, I don't know”
Brown, like Muhah it took a few years to appreciate their contribution The strongest New Afrikanwas not an issue Shoot first and let the victims' relatives ask questions later Guns were our tools of coo to any length to shoot whomever disliked you If you were not liked, you were hunted, if necessary, and shot-period Instantaneous coht, could never take the place of guns to communicate like or dislike But here I was, totally absorbed in the spoken words of Muhammad and Brown, and the written word of Malcol echo of gunfire But unlike gunfire, no one was killed This was my first encounter with brothers who could kill ords Their words were not mere talk, either Action followed in the wake of their theories, and their presence de before their words were spoken
One Monday night we fell to Islamic services to find another ”Muslim” there In appearance, this cat was totally out of sync with the Muslims we had known First of all, he had a Jheri curl, which was dripping juice onto his collar and the shoulders of his Members Only jacket, which was black and collarless He wore so approxier one hundred and twenty pounds, he was the opposite of Muhammad As soon as we had taken in his dress and fried hair dripping nuclear waste, we knee had been under up on hi, obviously intimidated by my size, ”Muhammad was suspended by the California Depart the institution until further notice”
”What?!”
”Sorry, fellas, but Muha-”
”SORRY”?!
”Yes, you see-”
”Man, ant Muhammad You don't even look like no real Muslim Where you fro both hands like a jack victi to you Please, just have a seat”
We”fuck that” and ”This dude is a fake” under our breath Once ere seated it was apparent that the ”Muslihty irate youths de an explanation for the sudden rean with ”Asalaam Alaikum” and not one of us responded with ”Walaikum Asalaam” Why should we? He wanted us to be peaceful with hi hiht forth about the removal of Muhammad Abdullah The ”Muslim” extracted a white kerchief from his pocket and wiped the sweat e Muhammad and I have been sent by the American Muslim Mission My job is not to teach you revolution, but Al-Islam Mr Muha He was-”
”Man, fuck you!” came a voice from the back, immediately followed by a balled-up piece of paper
”We live in violence,” said LC, one of the original members of the services before we cahetto, we already live in separation Muhaht us self-defense and nationalism And anyway, Al-Islam teaches us, by way of the Holy Koran, that it is our duty as Musliht oppression everywhere it assaults us in this world”
”Yes, but-”
”Naw, ain't no 'yes, but,' see, 'cause you ain't right I heard Muhaht us 'bout how you be lookin' like us, talkin' like us, and livin' with us, but all the time you be workin' with the oppressor Yep, we already up on you Yo' nae Muhammad Yo' name is Uncle Tom!”
”Get that muthafucka!” yelled soan to advance on To-eyed and motionless Just before he was seized, the doors to the chapel burst open and staff in full riot gear ca to his rescue
We were all sent back to our cells and put on CTQ-Confined to Quarters-during which time I received a letter froence activity
The pigs sent the Negro preacher to gather intelligence onvent and taped several of our services He has always been our worst enemy, unfortunately, for the Uncle To back to YTS for some time, if ever But I will always stay in contact with you Insha Allah, don't be deceived by those who look like us but think like the oppressor
I was stung by the reality of Muhammad's letter, by the prophecy of his ”don't be deceived by those who look like us” when just this week I had witnessed the under of our services by the institution I passed Muhammad's letter around to those ere responsible for infor, I took it upon myself to explain what had happened
Attendance at Islauidance of the Uncle Tom fell off completely No one attended, so Tom packed up and left Because of e had found out about Reverend Jackson spying on us, no one attended his services, either As for the staff bursting in and rescuing the Uncle Tom-he ired! I later found out the staff had anticipated such a response
My consciousness about the larger ene raised bit by bit Why wouldn't someone want us to learn about e really are? Is our knowledge of self so threatening that sucha Christian preacher into an air conduit are necessary to hinder its attainment?
Muhammad and I kept in contact, and he sent me a lot of literature,mentality was still uppermost in my mind, as demonstrated in ht and wrong now came to my mind immediately after every action I took Muhammad had made a tremendous difference in my life that was barely noticeable then, but cannot be overlooked today
My ti of Islamic services continued in a fashi+on characteristic of prison life To occupy ave me little opportunity to be blue about confinement It was 1983, and I wanted to make a statement for the set somehow, someway But I didn't want to do it in a physical manner, which seemed uncharacteristic of me Actually, it was uncharacteristic of Monster
Diaet tattoos for 1983 I wanted mine on my neck, in clear view for all to see This, I kneould be a status symbol, as relatively fe Afrikans had tattoos on their necks at that tier whose neck isn't written on, advertising his or her particular allegiance In 1983 it was unpopular to have your set written across your neck, but hell, was I into this for popularity or was I committed for life? My all-out co about popularity, as I was already experiencing But with Eight Tray written across ust 1983, I had the tattoo put on my neck Superman had hisdone on his back Against the lightness of my skin and the thickness oftesti co adverse about it, but most people didn't care I felt content about it, and toafter I received the tattoo I gotnews from the 'hood C-Ball, who had been in the 'hood for years, had shot and killed Tray Stone Froather it was over a cassette tape stolen out of C-Ball's car But after doing a bit more research I uncovered a possible link in a relationshi+p with a fe that C-Ball was jealous of Stone's flirtations with the fee Supposedly Stone was confronted on the north side by C-Ball, as are for C-Ball to fight When C-Ball asked after his erent C-Ball then fired one round at point-blank range into Stone's torso Stone fell to the ground and said, ”Ah, cuz, he shot me,” as if he could not believe it He died thereafter
C-Ball turned hiht years Now the debate was about what to do with C-Ball Tray Stone was the highest level of coht for and beside C-Ball, while not a combat soldier, had been in service to the set for years,who favored Stone were calling for the on-sight execution of C-Ball, while the voices of the traditionalists in their ariveness of C-Ball for slaying ”Tray Stone the bully” The set remained divided over this for quite some time Even today there are those on both poles of the issue still debating what's right and what's wrong I have let it rest Stone was eighteen years old
I was paroled out of YTS on March 7, 1984 Mom and Tamu were there to pick me up Li'l Bro and I had been at YTS for one year