Chapter 7 (1/2)
”I'm not going to try and explain seventy years of cultural development to you, boy,” Doctor Mercury huffed. ” Suffice it to say, vigilantes cause an unacceptable amount of chaos. If you are interested, hop on back to Earth and pick up a history book.”
”With what money?” Dan demanded. ”I don't even have an identity!”
”Quite right. You are in a bit of a pickle,” Mercury laughed in a way that Dan hoped wasn't meant to be sinister. ”Luckily, I've got an offer for you that I think will solve some of your problems.”
”...This feels like one of those offers I can't refuse,” Dan mentioned awkwardly.
”You'd be an idiot to do so,” the doctor replied cheerfully.
Dan sighed, keenly aware of how few options he had available to him. Merrill rubbed against his cheek, lending him her fragile mousy strength.
”Alright, let's hear it.”
Doctor Mercury steepled his fingers together. ”My offer is simple. It's been a long time since I've last visited Earth, but I still have contacts down there. You work for me, and I will get you an identity, register you under one of the standard teleportation lists, and pay you a reasonable salary. You'll be a person again, and all you'll have to do is be a loyal employee.”
The words dripped out like honey and Dan reminded himself that this man had never explicitly denied being a supervillain.
Probably better not to push on that front.
”What kind of work are we talkin' here?” he asked.
”Why, the only kind you are suited for, of course. Delivery!” The doctor threw up both his hands with a smile.
Dan physically halted his jaw from hitting the floor. ”You want me to be your delivery boy?”
”You are perfect for the job,” Mercury confirmed. ”Do you have any idea how much money I waste on transporting basic luxuries all the way out here? And the ship only comes twice a year!”
”You're really telling me that the only job that I'm qualified for is that of an interplanetary UPS man?” Dan groaned.
The impudent old doctor shrugged helplessly. ”I'm not saying you aren't qualified for other things, but this is the only one that I would need. I won't hold your identity over your head. You'll be free to quit after... say a year? Then you can find employment with whoever will take an unqualified drifter with zero references.”
”I haven't worked a delivery job since high school,” Dan protested weakly.
”Best I can offer, unless you have a PhD in physics or biology and at least twenty years of experience.” The literal doctor crossed his arms and stared expectantly at Dan.
He flailed around for an out. ”Couldn't I approach the American government and explain the situation? There must be a power out there that determines truth from lie, right? To verify my story? Then I can get credentials from them!”
”The truth-teller upgrade was outlawed as a violation of the 5th amendment. You have no way to prove your story.” Mercury corrected. He paused for a moment, then in a enthusiastic voice, added, ”You're the first person that Spackle has actually brought to me, you know? Usually I have to watch the tapes to get an idea of what she's been up to. The way she upgraded you is very different from the way we do it back on Earth. I'm actually quite excited to study the way your powers work.”
”I won't be a lab rat,” Dan stated flatly.
”I already told you what you'd be doing for me. I'm happy enough taking passive scans of you coming and going. I sincerely doubt your government will be so generous. I doubt that they even realize dimensional travel is possible.”
Dan arched an eyebrow. ”Surely they are aware of the kidnapping, dimension-hopping , sentient alien space ship that occasionally visits you? There's truly no precedent for this kind of thing?”
Doctor Mercury shrugged. ”We are quite far from any sort of sensor net. Nobody knows about Spackle. I'm too old, too rich, and too uninfluential to warrant people spying on me. Besides, she's never really been an issue before. I assumed that she'd never bring anyone here. Not a great assumption in retrospect, but it's the one I made.”
”It sounds like you'd get into some trouble if I were to go back to Earth and blab,” Dan said slowly.
The old man scratched at his whiskered chin. ”For people to learn about such things... Well, it would be annoying, but only that. My monthly reports deal with my studies on the cosmic radiation of Neptune. I have no obligation to mention anything else.”
He shrugged once more. ”But who can really say what might happen. Maybe I'm wrong, and they welcome you with open arms.”
”So they might give me a citizenship, they might throw me into jail, or anything inbetween,” Dan summarized.
”That's the gist of it, yes.”
Dan groaned again.
”Look, Mr. Newman, I'll freely admit to some bias on my side. I am rather excited to study your teleportation, and you'd make for a fantastic gopher.” Mercury's tone was sympathetic, even if his words were not. ”That said, I haven't lied to you. This is the best chance I think you'll get for some sort of stability. Or you could take a risk and we can go our separate ways. The question you have to ask yourself is this: What do you want?”
What did he want? All sorts of things. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be a superhero, he wanted a steady job, he wanted a hot fudge double-chocolate cherry sundae, he wanted things to go back to normal, or an acceptable fascimile thereof. Of those things, he could get one, maybe two, possibly three if he was very lucky.
Dan took a deep breath and met the old man's eyes. ”If I'm gonna work for you, I'll need your full name.”