Chapter 1 (1/2)

In an underground cavern, a river of mercury flowed, its silver color illuminated by glowing spirit stones. Some parts of the river flowed quickly while other parts of it barely seemed to move at all. Mirages flickered in and out of existence deep within the silver water: they consisted of buildings, people, animals, stars, all kinds of various sceneries; however, they only lasted for an instant before fading away, never to be seen again.

Without warning, the river disappeared, and standing in the canyon that had been gouged out by the water, a naked human was left behind. His skin was wrinkly, and all of the hair on his body was white. There were no pupils or irises within his eyes; they were completely silver, their surfaces glossy but unreflective. The old man took in a deep breath and arched his back, stretching his arms towards the ceiling of the cavern. A series of cracking sounds rang out, and the old man exhaled while lowering his arms. He looked up and narrowed his eyes at the rocks above. With a snort, he stomped his right foot against the ground, and a fissure appeared in the ceiling. The rocks split open, revealing a sky with three moons overhead, and the old man’s body surged upwards, passing through the crevice into the open air.

The old man, Vremya, stood in the air and spread his arms wide like he was hugging the sky. A howl escaped from his mouth, and all the dust and grime from the underground cavern seemed to have been shaken off of him. The howl lasted for over a minute, and when it ended, Vremya lowered his arms and took in a deep breath. How long had—

“E-excuse me.”

Vremya blinked and lowered his head, gazing at the ground. Underneath him, there was a black dog. It was sitting on its haunches, and its front paws were covering its eyes but doing a poor job at it. It was clear to Vremya that the dog was staring at his crotch. The dog coughed, breaking the silence. “If you’re here to trade with me, can you at least not be naked?”

Vremya frowned. What nonsense was this creature going on about? “You’re not wearing clothes either.”

“This is my home!” the dog said. “Am I not allowed to be naked in my own home? Besides, I’m a dog! Have you ever seen a dog wear clothes?”

“Your home?” Vremya’s frown deepened. “When the hell did my home become your home? Who the hell are you?”

“I’m Kartofel, the god of potato chips, but you can call me Karta or Chippy,” the dog said. “Six thousand years ago, I bought the deed to this land. Don’t try to swindle me just because I’m a dog. I’ll take you to court!”

Question marks filled Vremya’s head, and he furrowed his brow. Deed? Court? What were those things? However, there was something even more important he was unsure about. “What the hell is a potato chip?”

“You don’t know what potato chips are?” Karta blinked and gave Vremya a strange look. “Then, do you know what a potato is?”

Vremya’s eye twitched. “The fuck is a potato?”

“You can’t be serious,” Karta said with a blank expression. “Potatoes are a staple food! Every human knows what a potato is.”

Vremya scratched his head and landed in front of the dog. He took in a deep breath. “And what kind of thing is a human?”

The dog stared at the old man, doing her best not to stare at the man’s crotch, which was literally at the same height as her eyes. Karta cleared her throat. “Give me a second,” she said. A cellphone appeared in front of her face, and she raised one paw to tap on the screen. There was a ringing sound, and not even two rings later, the call connected.

“Hello, Lekars’ Hospital speaking, how may I help you?”

“I think one of your mental patients escaped—”