Book 2: Chapter 28 (1/2)

“So what are the rewards for winning the competition?” Tafel asked as she took the seat across from Alice. Vur sat beside her while Stella alighted onto the table. “You said something about armor and weapons?”

Alice frowned as she accepted the menu from the waitress. “I know I said there were armors and weapons, but you have to realize they’re given out by a dwarf.”

“And so?” Tafel asked. The waitress smiled at her as she placed four cups of water on the table. “Doesn’t that mean they’re good? Someone was bragging about dwarven weapons before like they were prestigious.”

“Accepting a dwarf’s gifts is like accepting a favor,” Alice said. “You have to pay them back somehow. For Dupey’s competition, he’ll expect you to work under him.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Tafel said. “Is Dupey the name of a dwarf?”

“That’s right,” Alice said. She gestured for the waitress to come over and ordered a dish for the whole party. “The most recent dwarf king, E, is a very lazy fellow. He hates saying long words because they drain his energy. So he did the most reasonable thing and declared dwarven names have to be two syllables or less. He even has a general whom he refers to by clicking his tongue once.”

“His name is E?” Vur asked.

“He doesn’t want to subject his people to rules that don’t apply to him. And E tends to be the last syllable of most dwarven names now: Plumby, Dupey, Noody, Louis.” Alice shook her head. “Most people call him His Gloriousness, and a lot of dwarves have adopted extremely long titles for individuality. Dewey goes by Professor Doctor Mister Headmaster Surgeon Dewey the Second Junior.”

“And I thought fairies were strange,” Vur said.

“Just because dwarves are stranger doesn’t make fairies any less strange,” Alice said, staring at Stella who was doing handstands on the table. The fairy queen giggled when she lost her balance and fell over.

“That’s true,” Tafel said and glanced around the room. “Everything’s so strange here.”

“You’re actually the most unique person here,” Alice said, “but what exactly about this place is strange to you?”

“There’s a table of humans and elves sitting together over there.” Tafel pointed at a giggling human-elf couple. “Fairies are treated like customers.” She pointed at the miniature table and chairs designed for fairies that hung from the ceiling by ropes. “I’m not even sure what kind of creature is working at the counter.” She gestured towards the massive green humanoid creature with two heads. It was counting change with one hand while delivering orders to the chefs with the other.

“That’s an ettin,” Alice said.

“Do they taste sweet?” Vur asked.

“Why is sweet the first term that comes to your head when you see something like that?” Tafel asked with a frown. “And you really shouldn’t eat sentient people. It’s not nice.”

“Ettins taste like pork,” the waitress said as she nodded at Vur while placing a plate down in front of him. “We actually have some in stock today. Would you like to try some?”

“Is, Isn’t that wrong?” Tafel asked, glancing at the ettin. She was sure the waitress spoke loud enough for it to hear.

“Oh, no,” the waitress said and shook her head. She smiled at Tafel. “Ettins are cannibals. Mr. Twofer over there won’t take offense if you order some. In fact, he’ll probably be happy if you tip well.”

Tafel furrowed her brow and scratched her head. “That’s…”

“We’ll order some,” Vur said with a nod. “Actually, just bring us one of everything on the menu.”

“One of everything?” the waitress asked, her mouth falling open. She glanced at Alice and pursed her lips. “By any chance… are you the berserk librarian?”