Chapter 38 (2/2)

Lindyss giggled. “Well, it’s to be expected,” she said and shrugged, “you can’t even get your children to listen to you, why would a nation?”

“All troops forward!” Zollstock yelled as spittle flew from his mouth. Metal clanked as the infantry shouted and charged ahead of Zollstock.

Lindyss turned to Exzenter. “Do it,” she said, “right on top of them.”

Exzenter’s eyebrows knit together. “Isn’t that a bit… excessive?” he asked.

“You want to set up an alliance with our kingdom right?” she asked and smiled, “just do this one little thing and I’m sure negotiations will go smoothly.”

Exzenter sighed and nodded. He spread his arms open and wind swirled around the approaching army, encircling them. Streams of blue light flowed into his body from a pile of mana crystals behind him.

Dustin gaped as he walked up to Zollstock and Mina. “That’s Exzenter,” he said, “the strongest human time mage. That’s a tremendous amount of mana. The scale of that magic must be huge; we can only hope they reach him before he finishes.”

Zollstock frowned. “Time mages aren’t offensive,” he said, “is he trying to warp all our soldiers away? Is that even possible?”

Dustin’s eyebrows knit together. “It seems larger than that, he-. Watch out!” Dustin said and tackled Zollstock and Mina forward. Hundreds of little portals appeared above the army and blotted out the sun. Dozens of large portals appeared above the little ones.

Exzenter released his breath and wiped his brow. “May god have mercy on my soul,” he said and clasped his hands together.

The army screamed and cursed as thousands of brown objects fell from the sky and splattered all over them. They raised their shields above their heads and wept as the sulfurous fumes invaded their nostrils. Some of the objects were dry and brittle, others were wet and stuck to their armor and hair. Mina screamed as she covered her head.

“This is disgusting!” she shrieked as Dustin vomited next to her.

“Forward! Forward!” the soldiers yelled, pushing and shoving each other to get out of the torrential storm. The storm started to let up as fewer clumps fell.

Then it happened.

The large ones came.

Boulder sized turds fell from the sky and splattered on impact. Skeletons cackled as they crawled out of the fallen comets and pulled soldiers down to the ground while embracing them. A symphony of wails and shrieks filled the air, peppered with the sounds of retching and splashing.

A tear leaked from the undead leader’s eye.

“It’s beautiful,” it said and sniffed, “truly the epitome of strategic warfare.” It turned to Exzenter.

“Thank you for making this happen,” it said, “I can truly die happy now.”

Exzenter sighed and shook his head. “All those wonderful dragon stool samples,” he said and sniffed, “wasted on this.”

The storm passed and the sun illuminated the brown battleground. Wails and sobs rang out as the skeletons systematically stripped the army of their armor and weapons while tying their limbs together. A few spells flew through the battlefield, but a retaliation of brown goop put an end to that.

Lindyss let out a cough after the skeletons finished. “Everyone who wants a bath has to join as a citizen of our kingdom. You’ll be given fresh undergarments and food along with drink,” she said and turned to Zollstock, “the rest of you will have to wait here until our party is over.”

Zollstock opened his mouth. “That’s-“

“Or… we can come to an agreement between our two nations,” Lindyss said, interrupting him with a smile, “what do you say? But say it from far away. You stink.”

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The moon shone overhead as Mina walked out of the plaza towards the forest. Tafel and Vur were sitting against a tree, leaning on each other with bloated bellies. Mina opened her mouth to speak, but closed it when she saw Tafel’s face.

She was smiling with her eyes closed.

Mina’s eyes grew wet and she loosened her grip on her cup. She sighed, took a swig, and walked back towards the plaza.