Chapter 47: Work-Life Balance (2/2)

She blushes lightly, turning away and giving me a sideways look.

“N-now you quit that, Vita. Is this your whole hunter team?”

“Yup,” I answer, nodding. “You know Orville and Penelope already. That’s Bently, and that’s Norah.”

Bently waves, already having made fast friends with one of the kids thanks to gifts of food and a heaping helping of his hearty Bently-ness. Norah nods at Lyn, still taking in the scene. It’s funny to me how out-of-sorts people look around my home. It must be like how I feel around the richer districts.

“I… a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Norah says politely, nodding.

Lyn dramatically grunts a pained noise, twitching like she’s been struck.

“No ma’am stuff! Please! I’m only twenty-three!”

“Uh…” Norah says, looking around at the twelve children.

“They’re adopted!” Lyn insists, then realizes her mistake. “No wait, shit! I mean I’m not their mom! I just take care of them.”

I can’t help but laugh. The food that had been in my arms is long gone now, exposing the real reason so many of my siblings— and I guess that’s really what they are— had been in such a rush to hug me. I give firm instructions to my team to not let the kids eat too much so they can spread the meals over a few days. Then I break off, approaching the shack and… my mom.

“It’s great to see you again,” she says with a smile, pulling me in for a hug. “You been doing okay?”

I swallow, feeling tears form unbidden and doing my best to hold them in.

“I’ve been better,” I whisper. “Is Rowan around?”

“No,” she answers. “One or both of us is pretty much always with the Drakens, even at night. Things have been getting better, thanks to you, but we’re being run ragged. I don’t think it’s spite on their part, though. I think they’re just gearing up for something big.”

I nod, letting her slowly lead me to the hatch downstairs. We jump down and immediately she’s holding me again, somehow knowing I’ve been starved for the contact. Carefully, I reach my tendrils through her belly, lightly wrapping her beautiful, warm soul that glows like the sky. Immediately she jerks, back arching and body shuddering.

“Aaahh…!?” she yelps. “I-is that you?”

I retract immediately, startled by the reaction despite myself. I suppose Penta acted like that the first time, too.

“Y-yes. Sorry. Is it weird? I’m just, um… sorry. Sorry.”

“It feels like my own fear of mortality just grew arms and started to hold me,” Lyn remarks with a dumbfounded expression. “Kinda nice other than the constant panic-inducing heart attack. What the heck did you do?”

“I… hugged your soul,” I answer. “With my, um, tentacles.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“With your what?”

“M-my tentacles,” I repeat, demonstrating by grabbing and twirling my hair around them. “I have, um, invisible tentacles coming out of my soul.”

“Of course you do!” Lyn says, her voice excessively pleasant as she stares at my head. “Well! That’s… certainly a thing! But may I just say what the fuck?”

“I grew them when I hatched from my egg,” I explain. “My, uh, soul-egg, I guess. The Mistwatcher looked at me and broke my shell. I have a soul-eye too. It’s neat.”

There’s another long pause, and eventually Lyn just pulls me back in for another hug. I hug her back, just using my arms this time, and squeeze her as hard as I can.

“Oh, honey,” she says softly, holding me close. “Is this what has you so out of sorts?”

I swallow.

“No. The soul stuff is fine.”

“What is it, then?” she presses softly. “What happened?”

The tears start to come back. I give up on holding them in this time, with just Lyn and I here. I have plenty of clean water now, so it’s not a waste. Here, alone together, it’s okay.

“Penta’s dead,” I answer, my breath starting to come out in gasps. “Penelope had to kill her because I did something stupid. I-I just… I don’t know what to do. I have my friend’s soul, Lyn. B-but you saw Grig. You remember him? He was different. I don’t know if Penta would be different. And if she will be… I d-don’t know if I w-want her to be!”

I break into sobs, squeezing my mom tight. The fact that she’s dead, the fact that I’m the one who got her killed… those things hurt me. I hate them, regret them, and wish they weren’t true. Yet what has really been ripping me apart inside is that I can bring her back. I can bring her back any time I want, but it just doesn’t feel right to do it.

“I know it would be wrong,” I sob. “She’ll be different if I bring her back. I don’t want her to be like Grig. But it’s either that or I don’t get her for a long, long time. Or maybe even at all!”

Lyn is silent for a while, holding me close and letting me cry into her chest.

“I can’t even imagine what that’s like,” she answers eventually, her eyes distant. “To be able to bring someone back from the dead, but to… bind and change them like you do. It’s a heavy power, Vita. Strong, useful, and frightening. There are ways I’ve wanted you to use it for us, you know.”

I turn my face up, puffy eyes staring at her.

“Like what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she dismisses softly. “You’re doing more than enough as it is. I would much rather you be safe than give us a single thing more. But what was it you said about maybe getting your friend back after a long time?”

I sniff up some snot, trying not to get any more of it on Lyn’s clothes.

“I… it was just a thought Penta and I had before she died,” I say. “My talent makes people weird and creepy, but if I learn real animancy… I could maybe change it so it brings them back normal. Even if… you know, still dead. And we thought maybe it might be possible to make a living person, if I was really good.”

Lyn’s eyes go wide as she chews on that thought.

“Well. Your friend’s soul isn’t going anywhere in the meantime, right? You’re keeping her safe?”

I nod.

“I-I think so.”

“Well then don’t think of her as dead at all,” Lyn answers. “You’re just apart for now. It happens. Sometimes we don’t get to see people we love for a long, long time, but that doesn’t mean we care about them any less. If there’s a way, Vita, you can work to find it. Your instincts are right, it’s okay to wait. Listen to your gut on it, kiddo.”

That, I don’t know about. If I’d listened to my gut she’d have been eaten long ago. Still… I feel a lot better just being here, talking with her about it.

“Thanks, Lyn,” I choke out. “Can I hug your soul again?”

Lyn tenses a little, then sighs the kind of exasperated sigh reserved exclusively for mothers.

“...Yeah, Vita,” she answers. “Gimmie a good soul-snuggle.”

I gratefully oblige, making sure not to squeeze too hard. I can’t let my hunger get the best of me.