Chapter 43: Penultimate Practice (2/2)

The pair of us go to find Remus and figure out where we’ll be sleeping for the night. He has a room prepared for us in Taline’s place, so we head back there. Taline, thankfully, isn’t going to have the feast ready tonight, and after confirming that we go to our nice little guest room and shut the door to practice waggling my fingers around.

I sit down on the bed and get ready, trying to think back to that single day of training Orville gave me and trying not to instead think about how weird it is that I’m now used to sleeping in a bed. Let’s see, how did it go…?

“It goes like this,” Penta answers, moving my hands for me.

Oh yeah. She can just do that. I try to copy her, and she corrects me again. It’s so much easier to get a feel for what I’m doing wrong when she can correct me with my own hands.

“I’m glad you think so,” Penta comments with a smile.

We should have been doing this forever ago!

“The spear training was useful too. You’re setting yourself on a hard road trying to be a polymath, but it’s not a terrible idea considering how quickly you can grow and how long you’re likely to live.”

How long I’m likely to live? I ask, trying to continue getting the commands right as we talk.

“You’re friends with two biomancers, one of which is absurdly rich and liable to get richer. Not to mention how huge of a soul you’re getting so quickly… I would be very surprised if you died of old age. And who knows! If you aren’t mauled to death by a monster or slapped into paste by fucking God, maybe we’ll figure out immortality before old age can take us.”

Is immortality possible?

“Hypothetically yes, and there are rumors that mages on other islands have achieved it. There aren’t any on Verdentop, though, at least that I know of.”

I frown, considering that.

“Do Nawra age? How long do you have to live?”

“I don’t have the faintest idea. I only have myself to compare against, so… ask me again in a year. Perhaps we’ll see if my body changes at all by then.”

Well shit, now I’m worried Penta might have something like a dog’s lifespan. Or worse!

“Keep doing those commands,” she reminds me gently. “You’ve got to be able to do them on reflex.”

Right, yeah. Got to get them perfect, no matter the distractions. Ugh, this is going to take so long! I want magic already!

Penta chuckles.

“It’s not like you to be so impatient. You’re not getting spoiled by all your luxuries, now are you?”

Wh— how DARE you, madame! I am and will always be from the streets!

I settle back into practice with renewed vigor, ignoring Penta’s laughter. Hours pass before we get back into conversation, but Penta seems a lot more engaged with the magic practice than she was with the spear drills. She remembers a lot of mean tricks and nasty practice methods from when Penelope was learning magic, and she uses the worst ones quite gleefully on me. I’m getting the distinct impression that Penelope might have a few deep-seated hangups about whoever the hell taught her magic that Penta picked up on. Despite doubtlessly having heard that thought, she declines to comment. It seems as though she’s trying to build up to some other conversation, uncharacteristically struggling with finding the words to convey herself.. Finally, however, she does say it.

“I… I’m sorry, Vita,” Penta whispers. “I’ve been resenting you all this time, when I should be thanking you.”

Oh?

“Yes. When I look back at my actions now, after what I’ve heard here, I can’t help but be disturbed. I’ve been frightened of your instincts when I should have been frightened of mine.”

I give her a light pat with a tendril, eliciting a mirthless smile. I’ve nothing to say, so I just wait for her to continue.

“Taline. She said the same thing I did, remember? ‘I can’t let my host go because she’ll kill me.’ Which… is true. The original Taline would kill her torturer if she could, just as Penelope would have killed me. But how hard did I really try?”

Her voice comes out in halting spurts, the girl in my head holding back tears as best she can.

“‘Oh, she’ll kill me,’ I thought. ‘I suppose I’ll just have to keep her trapped.’ It tore at me, Vita. It really did. But did I think to compromise? Did I think to look harder? How much did I really try to find a way? It should have crossed my mind, Vita. To press her more. To give her more. But I didn’t. Despite my horror, I didn’t. And now, with you, I just want more and more. I didn’t even care about the danger I put you in. Is that… is that part of what I am? Or is that just part of who I am?”

Penta’s own body, the bundle of ooze in my neck, shakes softly.

Instincts can be insidious, I tell her. We both know that well. They’re not just for us monsters, either. Get a man angry and he’ll do things he’d never dream of when calm.

“What if we’re designed to not let our hosts out? To never let anyone know, no matter how we empathize? It gnawed at me, just waiting around inside you. I hated it, Vita. I almost tried to kill you a few times.”

What!?

“I know! I’m sorry. It was stupid, beyond stupid. Some of that might be your, ah, aggressive tendencies bleeding over, but it’s not fair to say it’s all you. You’re the only person that ever cared about me, but I… agh! It’s just so hard to stand! Sitting in your body and not taking control… it drove me crazy! Like an itch I couldn’t scratch! It still does! I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I… Penta. I didn’t know it was this bad.

“It is. I fear the others may feel the same way, even if they don’t realize the cause. Bioweapons. It just makes too much sense! I don’t know what to do with this information! But I still…”

Like a wall crumbling, she dissolves into sobs. I feel her tears fall down my cheeks, the only sound in the room being gasping, ragged breaths for many minutes. My body weeps of its own accord, emotions not my own flowing through my flesh. In the moment, I try hard not to focus on how odd and freakish it feels. I try as best I can not to add to my friend’s pain. I’m not sure how well I succeed.

“...I still don’t want to kill them,” Penta eventually chokes out.

Yeah, I agree. But we have to free the hosts. And if we don’t, EVERYONE on the island burns. Penelope can’t stop Gladra if we fuck this one up.

“I know! Watcher’s eyes, I know. Which is why you’re the best option. You’ve always been the best option, our only ally, and I’ve just been…”

I let my feeling of understanding cut her off, sparing her from saying the words she’d find so painful to repeat.

You’re annoying sometimes. But I decided to save you, and despite everything I don’t regret it yet.

“Can I please just…” she takes another shaky breath, tears still flowing even if less than before. “Can I try? At the banquet. I want to try to explain to everyone. To save everyone another way. Please? I won’t reveal much. But I need this. I need one last chance. Can you bear to give me even more than what I’ve already asked for?”

As long as it doesn’t get us killed or fuck over the plan? Yeah. And, uh, thanks for finally opening up to me, Penta.

She snorts, shaking her head.

“Don’t expect Penelope to be so easy. And since I value my life, I’m not saying any more than that.”

Wait, this was easy?

Penta just laughs, the sound genuine despite our still-wet eyes.

“No, I suppose not. Now come on, we have practice to do. And tomorrow…”

Tomorrow, we’ll finally end it.