34: Tyler (2/2)

He's handsome.

”Guthrie's in jail now,” Mom continues. ”He got done for drug dealing.”

”Didn't get done for being a pimp?” I ask harshly.

She shakes her head. ”He was a difficult guy to pin down. His sentence was shortened to five years, but he keeps adding time to it.”

I frown. ”Why does he add to it?”

”Guthrie always had a short temper,” Mom says. ”Apparently he gets into fights a lot. With inmates and guards.”

”I thought you didn't know him that well,” I comment and my mom snaps her eyes up to mine before looking away.

”He was my sister's lover,” she says indifferently. ”I'd seen him around.”

I nod my head slowly. I want to press further but instead just look down at the two pictures and place them side by side. Emmy and Guthrie. My parents. One in jail and one mentally unstable.

”But Emmy isn't sectioned anymore,” I say.

”She was released, yes, as you know,” mom says. ”But I don't know where she is now, Tyler. Your grandparents might, but I don't.”

”I still don't know if I want to talk to her,” I say. ”If I'm ready for that.”

”Whatever you want,” Mom says. ”And only at your pace. I doubt Emmy would ever want to see me again though.”

”Why not?” I ask.

”She still holds a grudge over how I ended up getting custody of you,” she explains.

”Why?” I ask, not understanding.

”Things happened back then, Tyler, a lot of things. Emmy made mistakes as did your dad and I. Guthrie made mistakes too and I'm sorry but he was one piece of shit. He ruined my sister.”

”I don't get why you and Emmy ended badly though. If it was Guthrie's fault . . . ”

”When you were born, no one had the guts to help Emmy. She was unstable, Tyler. Completely unstable. I went to visit a week after you were born to find you lying on the floor naked and unfed for hours while she sat in a corner and rocked back and forth. I couldn't sit and watch you slowly die by your own mother's hand. So I did what no one else could.”

”You called them in to section her,” I finish.

”It was either that or the next time I visited, you would be dead. Emmy wouldn't live with any of us. She refused. And then she was going on and on about living with Guthrie and living happily ever after. I wouldn't allow him to get near you. I had no other choice. And when they came in to get her, she looked back and saw you, in my arms. She lashed out and screamed at me as they took her away. Emmy could be anywhere. But she won't be near me.”

I gulp, staring down at the wooden table. My throat feels dry and no matter what I do, that dryness stays there and consumes me. The pictures feel hot under my fingertips and I move my hands away from them.

”You did all that . . . for me?” I ask tentatively.

My mom's face softens into a soft smile and she nods. ”Of course I did. I might not have given birth to you, Tyler, but I've loved you since the second you were born. And I'll continue to love you well past the day I die.”

My eyes get hot and sting and I stand up, walking round the table as my mom stands too. I immediately wrap my arms around her and she takes a step back in surprise before catching herself and hugging me. Her hand gently rubs my back and I tighten my arms around her. I clench my eyes shut and immediately think that I could just sleep right there on her shoulder with no worries and feel completely safe.

”I love you, too,” I choke out and her hand presses against the back of my head, holding me gently.

- Ellie x