25: Franny (1/2)

25. Franny

He looks dead. That's perhaps the most terrifying thing. He looks like he's already gone and that all the machines around him are only there for decoration. I don't know what to do. I seem to get that feeling a lot lately—complete helplessness.

I hate it. I hate seeing my dad like this. And I especially don't like sitting here, on a chair beside his bed, pretending like everything is fine. Nothing is ever fine—not now. It wasn't fine when my mom died, it wasn't fine when a part of my dad died along with her. It wasn't fine when he was beaten nearly to death and now has too many broken bones to count.

My eyes go to his bandaged eye. They always do, and every time I try to tear myself away, I can't. It's the strangest thing. The broken bones I can deal with. The cracked rib I can get over. But his eye—I can't. That's a part of him—a whole tangible part of my father which is now gone. It's been destroyed and left to rot.

Then again, it could have been worse. His whole body could have been left to rot.

I hear someone walk in and I look up to see Tally coming over. The heels of her boots clack against the floor and she stops beside me. She places a plastic cup filled with water in front of me and I take it wordlessly. It sits cradled in my hands but I don't take a sip.

”Franny, come on,” she says. ”At least go for a walk or something. Just down the hallway. You haven't moved since we came in.”

I shake my head. I can't move. The idea of leaving my dad's side makes me feel guilty. I don't want that guilt to get stronger. I don't want to feel the same guilt I was hit with when my mom died.

”I'm fine,” I say.

”That's not a good enough response,” Tally comments.

”Well it's gonna have to be good enough,” I say. ”I'm not moving, Tal. I'm staying till he wakes up.”

She doesn't give me a reply but at that point she doesn't need to. I know exactly what she's thinking.

What if he doesn't wake up?

The doctor said he wasn't in a coma—just unconscious. But he's unstable, he lost a lot of blood and the amount of pain medication that is being pumped into him is enough to keep him out cold even longer.

But he's breathing and that's something.

”How did it happen?” Tally asks.

I shake my head again. ”I don't know.”

But I do. And that's what's killing me even more. There aren't many people that would want to beat my dad to a pulp. He's respected enough. Although one man would. Carl would hurt him. If my dad didn't pay up, then Carl would have been at his throat.

I think back to when I saw Carl in school, his pleasant smile trying to appear innocent. His smile turned dark when he saw me, though, as if he'd finally found what he was after. The principal had seemed so at ease talking to him, and letting a random man into the school.

I have a terrible thought. Maybe Carl isn't a random man. Maybe he has some sort of legitimate connection to the school. Maybe he could walk in whenever he wants.

The idea makes me feel sick again and the taste of bile is still very prominent at the back of the throat. I lift the cup of water up and take a long gulp. It doesn't help.

”Look,” Tally sighs. ”My mom's home, she got back yesterday. I can't stay.”

”Your dad?” I frown.

Tally shrugs. ”Still out there.”

I nod. ”It's okay, you can go.”

”Franny.” Tally winces. ”I don't want to just leave you here. Not like this. You can come back with me. Stay at my place for a bit.”

”I might later,” I say. ”If the offer's still open. I just . . . I don't want to leave. Not yet.”

I can't leave.

”Okay,” Tally says quietly. ”Be safe okay? Keep your phone on and I'll check up every now and then. If you want to come over just call. The offer's always open and will stay open. Fuck what my mom says.”

I smile a little. ”Thanks.”

”Alright.” I feel her place a hand on my shoulder and she kisses the top of my head, hugging me to her side. ”I'm so sorry this had to happen to you,” she whispers.

I place my hand over hers until she pulls away and I stare down at the sheets covering my dad's body in the hospital room. Her boots click once again against the floor until Tally is out the door and down the hallway.

My head pounds and my eyes itch. I haven't cried. I've thrown up, choked and yelled, but I never cried. Maybe I should—maybe that's what you're meant to do. It's probably supposed to help in some way. Shift the stone in my stomach and the constant tense pain in my chest.

My eyes sting and they're red but no tears fall. A part of me wants them to and a part of me is angry that I'm not crying. I must be some sort of stone-cold bitch to not be bawling in the corner when my dad could have easily died only hours ago.

Eventually I pull myself off the chair. I don't want to but I've been sitting in the same position for over an hour. My back aches and my bones crack as I stand up. I gently place my hand on my dad's and yawn.

”I'll be back soon,” I murmur and pull away.