Chapter 18 (1/2)

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“Was what I heard yesterday true?’

Perhaps it was a dream about what I was hoping for.

I don’t know if this memory of sneaking a peek at the innermost thoughts of the three was a dream or reality but,

‘I wish it wasn’t a dream.’

Because it was so rare for me to feel happy these days that everything felt like a dream and that troubled me.

‘But it might still be a dream, so just in case, should I ask them?’

Why are you so sincere and kind to me?

‘Am I bothering you…?’

I heaved a sigh from the morning and crumpled the blanket.

‘If I think of this as a contract, I feel relieved.’

This strange feeling beyond the contract shakes my heart back and forth.

With such a complicated thought, I sat still on the bed and waited for the people to come in.

Knock knock-

“Baby, did you wake up?”

“Yes!”

Ah. I was a little surprised because it was the first time that mother came to visit me first.

When I was shocked and dismal, my mother laughed at my voice and wiped my face with a wet towel, just as Lennox and Ricarda had done.

“Did you have a good dream?”

“…I don’t know. I don’t think I had a dream.”

I remembered the last night I had forgotten for a while.

‘The words that were affectionate, kind, and yet full of sincerity that seemed to consider me as a family.’

Can I believe it? This kind of unconditional affection?

No, can I give up on this affection?

I just thought quietly, but I couldn’t figure out why; my eyes suddenly started to get blurred.

Unknowingly, tears filled my eyes.  When I tried to wipe it off in embarrassment, my mother blocked my hand and wiped it gently instead.

“Shh. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Heug…Hg.”

Like last night, my mother held me in her arms and patted me back to comfort me.

In the end, I shed tears that I was trying to endure.

I could see my mother’s shoulders in front of me getting wet, but even if I tried to stop, it kept on falling.

“Heug- mother, Lennox, and even Ricarda why do you all treat me so well?”

Ah, I didn’t want to ask …

I couldn’t see anything because my tears blocked my vision in front of me.  After throwing my words at her, I was afraid to see her reaction.

What if she dislikes me for asking that question?

What if you stare at me with a cold stare?

What if that affectionate eye turns into contempt?

If that happens, I really won’t be able to withstand it.

I buried my head on my mother’s shoulder and tried to hold back my tears.

It was just a slip of the tongue. I wasn’t curious about that either.

I’m satisfied with the situation now.

I was going to say that.

Saying it was fine, my mother didn’t stop patting me on the back.

“Baby, I’ve prepared a present for you. Shall we go and see it?”

“He- Heug,  Yes?”

What do you mean by the present?

With my eyes filled with tears, I couldn’t think about anything, so I had no choice but to keep my head down.

With a continuous patting, mother went upstairs and passed by the office, opening the door next to it.

“Baby, will you raise your head?”

“No, I don’t want to be seen crying.”

My mother laughed a little at my whining and picked me up again; she slowly began to go around the room.

“Look here, this is your new bed. It belongs to you.”

“…heug- yeah?”

Surprised by the remark, I turned my head and saw a large bed with a soft, light purple bedding.

“uh- I….”

As I stammered with embarrassment, mother did not stop and stepped back to the side.

“Here, this is your closet, and there are plenty of clothes for you to wear in the future, so you can wear what you want to wear.”

‘What is this…?’

“What should I show you this time? Oh, you can’t use it yet, but I also prepared a dressing table, and a doll just in case you want it.”

At the end of my mother’s words, I slowly moved my head and looked into the room.

Warm sunlight was coming through the curtains in front of the large window.

A room with bright sunlight, a bed that looks cozy, and many dolls on top of it.

There was a large closet, a small desk that fits my size, a small tea table, a chair, and a sofa.

It was so clear that it was designed to suit me, unlike where I slept a little while ago.

‘That’s right, Lennox said she would prepare my room.’

Now that I could finally hold back my tears,  I remembered the words Lennox had said as a secret.

“Are you surprised? I secretly prepared it. It’s been a long time since I’ve decorated a room like this, so I enjoyed it, too. I hope you like it.”

“…I love it.”

I was speechless, but I said thank you out of my mouth because it was something I really wanted to say.

“It’s really, really great…”

I was so happy that I couldn’t control my joy, and my eyes were filled with tears again.

“Why cry if you like it? If you keep crying, your eyes will hurt.”

My mother’s touch on my eyes was colder than I thought. However, the gentle swept as if to cool down my eyes, felt warmer because it touched my heart.

“Why, why do you treat me so well?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because it’s so sweet, this sounds like a lie. I thought I could be happy if you just give me enough for me to live. If I receive all these affections, I might get greedy.”

“Can’t I do that?”

I nodded to the soft voice.

At my nod, she asked me.

“Why not?”