Chapter 95 (2/2)
In Karenin's restrained childhood, mother and piano sound are the feelings hidden in the bottom of his heart and don't want to be erased
”Sir?”
The voice of the coachman Peter woke Karenin from his shallow sleep.
There was a lump in his throat, astringent, and Karenin gave a slight cough.
He gathered up his overcoat, put on his top hat, and took his civilized walking stick, and then went down.
After getting out of the carriage, a gust of cold wind made Karenin unconsciously shake his right hand. He was dizzy, steady, heard the sound of footsteps, and as he looked up, a warm little hand held his hand.
”You're terribly hot.”
After that, Anna quickly touched Karenin's skin with her forehead on tiptoe. She watched each other carefully, and her slender eyebrows twisted.
”Come on, I'll hold you,” Anna said, pausing, assessing the weight and strength of the two men for a moment, and then confirming, ”yes, I'll hold you.”
Throughout the process, until Karenin lay on a soft bed, he had little choice.
This is really rare, because Karenin is not the type who can deliver himself to others. But that's what he did, a little bit dull, but always sober, watching Anna's behavior, including the way she finally stopped and put her hand on his forehead.
”How do you feel now? Alexis. ” Anna asked, in a soft voice, a little different from the neat look before.
”Much better.” Karenin replied in a low voice. He was leaning against the pillow, in a posture that could be said to be not very decent. His hands were well placed under the bedding, and he was still wearing a thick nightgown. He drank water and took medicine, waiting only for the call of sleep. To be honest, he was taken care of so well that he couldn't sleep at once.”You should have a rest.”
Yes, of course Karenin knew that he had better go to rest now. His eyelids have been a little heavy, but there is always a warm feeling in his heart, as if it has not been expressed.
”You've been waiting for me.”
This is not a question, but a statement.
Anna was stunned and said, ”I just guess you should be back now. I didn't wait long.” She then touched his forehead again, as if not at ease, and confirmed again.
”What else do you want me to do for you?”
I don't know if it's medicine or other reasons. Karenin's thinking is a little slow at the moment.
When Anna repeated the second time, he did not continue to look at his wife with that kind of confused eyes. He understood the meaning of the words, but Anna patiently explained it again, kissing his forehead.
”You look like a deer falling into a sheep pen.”
”It's kind of cute.”
Anna smile, a pair of eyes become bright, the previous point of anxiety seems to have changed the same.
”No, I'm not cute.” Karenin murmured to himself, still stubbornly persevered.
”Don't worry. Nothing has changed. You just need someone to take care of you.” Anna said thoughtfully.
”I'm here. I'll take care of you.”
Anna adjusted the pillow for Karenin.
”It's time for you to sleep, Alexis.”
”I'll wake you up at dinner. This time you really have to listen to me.” She said, with no sense of reproach.
Karenin's mind was in a dilemma, and his blue eyes, always calm and sharp, were now slowly blinking his eyelashes.
He looked at his wife, in a high heat swept by the situation, feel her figure hazy but soft, a little memory of the shadow. But the still struggling mind reminded him that it was not true.
Karenin's mother was not as strict as her father's, but there should be no tender memory about illness. He was surrounded by nannies and servants who had followed him since he was born. Warmth from his mother was not always skin touching and kissing.
Human memory will gradually decline with age, even for a rational person like Karenin.
So in the recollection, some memories will unconsciously add some unreal desire.
Karenin fell asleep.
He frowned in his dream, and his muscles sometimes twitched unconsciously. He pursed his mouth and sometimes sighed bitterly.
In fact, the sound is not audible in such a big house. Even the busy maids in the next room won't hear it, but someone always cares.
Anna is like a bound butterfly. Even if she flutters her wings, she still stays beside the flower. She is so young, usually waiting for her should be innumerable banquets and let down ball activities, but she completely loves the man in front of her from the heart, so, to stay has become willing.
”You'll be fine.”
After another murmur from Karenin, Anna leaned down, put the skin in her palm on her partner's sweaty cheeks, and gently soothed her.
She wanted to kiss him.
Kiss his cheek, his brow, and his lips.
But Anna knew she shouldn't do it, so instead, she just used the palm of her hand, her fingers, or the skin on the back of her hand to gently touch the hot skin.
She knew that when she was sick, there was pain flowing through the blood under her skin.
She also knows how much comfort touch and language can bring to a person.
Time is ticking along.
Anuska comes in midway and asks Anna if she needs a meal. The latter looks at the sleeping man, thinks for a moment, and whispers that she doesn't need it.
She went out for a moment, ate something, and then continued to watch.
During these hours, she read a small section of the book, read several manuscripts, and observed a deep fold between Karenin's eyebrows.
Anna tried to smooth it down, but she felt a little funny.
This disease is torturing the man in front of her, and is also torturing Anna's heart.
She prayed that Karenin would get better soon.
When the clock struck again, Karenin moved his eyelids and woke up.
His eyes were a little stunned. He didn't look like the smart 30-year-old official. He seemed to be a young man between youth and youth.
The way he looked at Anna as if he had seen her for the first time made her a little nervous.
”Are you all right?” Anna asked involuntarily, her fingertips touching Karenin's sweaty hair.”I hope you know me,” Anna joked. ”Do you know where you are?”
Karenin's eyes blinked for a moment, and then he looked around, and his expression became clear.
Anna was relieved. She was about to speak, but her right hand was held.
Within the day, the little hand was held again.
Anna blinked her eyes, and called Karenin's name awkwardly.
”Alexis?”
Instead of getting an answer, she got a kiss.
The lips are hot and fall on the knuckles on the back of the hand.
”I'm at home.”
”I'm fine.”
Karenin's voice was a little hoarse, his words were short but clear.
”Here you are.”
”So I'm fine, Anna.”
Anna listened, slightly side of the head, half ring, a little shy smile in the corner of her mouth bloom.
”Oh, I can see that.”
After she said that, she looked up at Karenin. Under the candlelight, the tenderness in her blue eyes seemed to overflow.
”Do you want water?” Anna asked and handed the water over.
Karenin took it and sipped it. The sweetness of the water moistened his throat.
His eyes were still on his wife, from the latter's watery eyes to the smile on the corner of his mouth, he said, his voice soft and slow: ”I dream of my mother.”
”Ah...” Anna uttered an exclamatory syllable and then assumed a listening posture. Every time Karenin wanted to share something like this with her, she always felt like a flower in her heart.
”She likes playing the piano and sometimes she lets us listen to her play.”
After finishing this sentence, Karenin stopped for a moment, his eyes were a little confused: ”I can't remember her appearance now.”
”I seldom dream of her.”
”People say that in times of vulnerability, humans bring courage to themselves by thinking about those who are gentle to them.” Anna whispered.
Karenin lowered his eyes and fell on his wife's little hand.
”Anna, I mean
He raised his head again and gently pinched the back of his wife's hand with his fingers.
He seemed to be hesitating, and he seemed to be weighing his words. There are not many problems that can defeat Karenin in the world, but feelings always make him feel at a loss.
It is not the feeling that needs to be released and restrained for the sake of political interests, but it is simply the emotion sprouting from Karenin's heart.
They always seem so shy, just like a trembling bud, so fragile, need to be carefully cared for, or it will disappear into the soil.
But when you think so, always want to love it, unknowingly, it grew up again, roots in the soil, very strong, even if the wind can not blow it away.
”The deeper the memories are, the more attached they are to their feelings. I used to think I could be what my father expected, but after my brother died, I knew I would never be able to surpass him. ”
”I couldn't be satisfied with my father's expectations, so my memories of my mother became more and more tender. But in fact, the memories that my mother gave me, I mean those that are real and I can recall, can't say how much I care about them
The man's fingers rub the back of his wife's hand, the heat of the skin is obvious, but it is much better than in the daytime.
”In fact, mother preferred Matvey to me,” Karenin said slowly after a pause. ”Of the three of us, only Matvey has inherited his mother's fingers and his sense of music.”
”I'm not the one who often sits around listening to my mother play. Sometimes it's the three of us, and more often it's Matt and his mother.”
”I always do,” Karenin pauses, as if to remove the dim memory, and finally see the truth. His tone still maintained a certain low and gentle tone, but his blue eyes seemed to be a little wet.
What a surprise if ordinary people saw it!
But Karenin was such a man. Under his calm and self-sustaining appearance, his heart is the most can not see women or children's tears.
This tough man, in this silent night, for the first time, exposed his vulnerability.
In those memories, including the second son of the extended family, as well as the unfair treatment suffered by those who were not too sociable, too clever and industrious, on this night, in a kind of gentle feelings, overflowed.
”I'm always in my study.”
”I should,” Karenin said slowly, with a slow blink in his eyes. ”I never heard my mother play music alone.”
”I don't have one.” He said in a low voice.
”Sometimes I miss her, but then less and less. I still remember her voice, but I don't remember her appearance any more. ””She loves you.” Anna whispered, ”she loves you all.”
”Yes, I never doubt it.” Karenin said his blue eyes were looking at his wife for a long time, and he said, ”so you're here, good.”
”Anna, you are here, my eyes can see you, my hands can touch you.”
Karenin's mouth slightly raised, showing a somewhat relieved smile. Even if he was pale at the moment, the whole person was not as meticulous and sharp as usual, but Anna still loved him.
Because he said:
”I love you, Anna.”