Chapter 626 (1/2)

“This is fresh. I didn’t think that you were the type of person who’d intrude at this hour.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s not something that you need to apologize for. It’s bothersome, but what can I do? It’s not like I can see you if not for something like this. Come, have a seat.”

Junmin was led by his friend to sit down.

“So, you must have a reason to come to a single lady’s house at this hour, right?”

Junmin nodded as he received the tea that his friend gave him.

“I was wondering if we could have a talk,” he said as he looked at the teacup.

His friend, who was enjoying tea on a chair, quietly spoke,

“As a friend? Or as a psychiatrist?”

“If possible, the latter.”

“Don’t tell me you’re unable to sleep like before?” His friend narrowed her eyes as she asked.

Junmin shook his head.

“I reduced my sleep because of some work, but I’ve never had insomnia.”

“That’s good.”

Junmin remembered back to 16 years ago. To be precise, the 23rd of April, 1989. Ever since he heard the news of Haejoo’s death, he hadn't been able to sleep for a while. Whenever he closed his eyes, the sound of the car horn, the friction of the tire, as well as the smell of burnt rubber haunted his mind. Even though he had never seen the scene of the accident, the accident vividly appeared in his mind as though he was a witness. The urge to vomit followed afterwards, and thanks to that, he couldn’t sleep at night and had to spend night after night by the toilet.

By the time ‘I’m going to die at this rate’ turned into ‘it won’t be too bad if I die like this’, he got help from this friend here. His symptoms became better thanks to mental consultation and medical treatment, and he was able to return to his ordinary life. After that, he worked non-stop until he reached this point.

“You look nervous. Drink that tea first for now. We don’t offer warm tea for no reason when we do consultations. There are many cases where the body affects the mind. Just warming up your body will allow you to regain your calm.”

“I guess I can’t ignore a doctor’s advice.”

Junmin drank the tea for now. Just like she said, he felt a little better after warmth circulated around his body. When he regained a bit of his calmness, he started taking in the scenery of her house. He had never been here since his last visit about a year ago, but nothing had changed at all.

“Generally we should start from the outside, but you don’t like things that way, so let’s hear what the problem is first.”

“I saw something strange. A scenery I could never have seen flashed in front of me. I could hear sounds as well.”

“Was it a one-off thing? Or did it happen frequently?”

“I’ve never experienced something like that before.”

“You aren’t on drugs, are you?”

Junmin stared at his friend. She just shrugged.

“There are an uncountable number of causes for hallucinations. It might be a psychological thing, or it might be a problem with your nervous system. It could be a problem from the increase of brain pressure, too. In your case, there are so many potential causes. It’s not that strange for such things to happen after fifty too. On top of that, there are reports of mental illnesses recurring after decades even after being completely cured in the past.”

“I see.”

“How did you feel when you experienced that situation? Did you get into a panic just like in the past?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. It was just confusing.”

“How about your breathing?”

“I didn’t pant heavily or anything.”

“In my personal opinion, you should get diagnosed not only in the psychological area but physically as well. Your body is honest. It’s sending you signals because there is an anomaly. You’re still smoking these days, aren’t you?”

“I can’t quit.”

“Doctors don’t tell people to quit for no reason. There is nothing proven other than the epidemiology of it, but it’s pretty clear that it’s not good for the body. Stop thinking of it as a cure for the soul and think about it seriously. Next time, it might not end with just knocking on your neighbor’s door at night. I’m saying that it will be too late once you’re in the ambulance. No, you don’t even have someone who could call an ambulance for you. You aren’t married after all.”

“Don’t you think someone married should be the one saying that?”

His friend raised her teacup and faintly smiled. There wasn’t a ring on any of her fingers.

“On the surface, you might look okay, but you never know what’s happening on the inside. Don’t ignore my words and get proper medical attention. What you can solve with consultation is extremely limited. Most of the time, it’s medicine that resolves the clump in people’s hearts, not the words of a consultant.”

After saying that, his friend sighed.

“That’s it from me. I think you still have more things to say, so go on. This reminds me of the old times. You always came to me even after the treatment and grumbled to me.”

“It’s always good to have a secret place.”

“Do the people at your company know that you’re like this? From what I hear, you’re known as the iron-blooded man.”

“Maybe that’s how they want to see me.”

“Sheesh, I wonder why there are so many stubborn people around me. There’s Seonwoo, and then there’s you.”

“What happened to lawyer Park?”

“Hey, aren’t you two treating me like some kind of ever-giving tree? Do you think I feel good when you guys come to me and complain about stuff whenever you are having a hard time? Do you know what kind of people look for psychiatric consultation most often? It’s none other than psychiatrists themselves. Sheesh, I wish you could take your confessions to the church.”

“Well, sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize so easily. It makes me seem like a bad woman. Man, why don’t I have any luck with friends?”

She chuckled before leaning forward.

“Tell me about it. I know that you aren’t the type to come to me just because you’re afraid of some illness.”

“It was for a brief moment, but I felt so unfamiliar with myself. I felt like what I achieved was something I just received from someone else.”

“There are many causes and symptoms for depersonalization as well. Most of the time, it’s a result of a big wound, but that shouldn’t apply to you. You didn’t get into an accident without me knowing, did you?”

“No.”

“Have you ever felt paralyzed?”

“No.”

“Did everything look unrealistic to you? Did the hallucination you mentioned earlier seem far from realistic?”

“That’s the strange thing about it. Leaving aside the fact that I felt unfamiliar with myself, the things I saw were way too familiar to me.”

“Don’t you think it’s from your memories? You know, maybe a drama, or a movie, or a book that you’ve seen before.”

“No, I can guarantee that I’ve never seen those things in my life.”

“It’s the first time you saw them, yet you felt familiar with them?”

Junmin nodded.

“The degree of realism you felt is important. You were normal in your ability to check for realism, and it didn’t feel unrealistic but familiar huh. The answer is simple then. You should seek medical attention.”

“So that’s the conclusion after all?”

“Obviously. If I could correctly diagnose you with a few questions, why would we need medical equipment? We should use machines to look into what we can’t.”

His friend stood up.

“Sleep over.”