Chapter 365 - To Care About the Artist’s Self (1/2)

The moment those words left her mouth, Zixu's face changed, eyebrows knitting together, lips slightly parting.

”I'm sorry,” he whispered. ”I should've asked how you were earlier. I shouldn't have started pressing all this outside stress on you.”

Yujia stared blankly at her half-filled cup of tea on the table. She knew she had to respond, but she just couldn't bring herself to speak. The words from earlier were still sinking in, like a blade against her heart, digging deeper to leave their agonizing reminder.

And then, instead of saying anything, she lifted the teapot again, refilling Zixu's cup, then her own, to the brim. She watched the tea, the way it flowed into the cup in ripples.

The ripples stilled.

She looked up, finding an unexpected smile crossing her expression. ”Don't worry,” she replied, her tone light. Her fingers wrapped around the tea cup. ”Tell me more about… Luoyang. What kind of work will you be doing there, exactly?”

Zixu blinked.

Hands lying flat on the table, he said, ”Are you sure you want to talk about Luoyang?”

She blinked as well, words failing her again.

”I've been where you are now once before,” Zixu spoke, keeping his words slow. ”No matter what others said, I refused to talk to them. I thought it would've been better if I kept it sealed away in the depths of my heart, where no one, not even I, could see again. Perhaps that was good for me; perhaps it was not.” He paused. ”But this is not about me. It's about you, your thoughts, your feelings. If you truly don't want to talk about it, we can avoid the topic. Except, if you ever change your mind and decide you do, just know that I'm here.” He reached a hand out across the table. ”I always have, and I always will.”

His gaze met hers. Lone silence hung in the air.

And then, she was crying again.

Uncontrollable tears spilled out, coupled by the same sinking feeling she had felt so many times before. She wanted to stop. She didn't want to cry as much as this. At the same time, she simply couldn't. The tears kept falling; her c_h_e_s_t kept heaving. Despite every attempt to control herself, nothing could change.

She felt like she couldn't breathe, as if she was drowning again. Yet in the midst of all of this, Zixu found her. He crouched on the floor beside her, hand reaching out and taking hers. She felt the warmth of his hand first, then the firm yet gentle grip he held hers in.

Zixu was here. He was here for her.

She could breathe again.

For moments after, Yujia wept still. Zixu didn't move away, one arm reached to her back, carefully patting in slow, circular motions.

Eventually, her breathing steadied, going from irregular hiccups to a more normal pace. Her trembling ceased. Seeing that she had gathered herself more, Zixu pulled away. He reached to the table, taking her cup of tea and carefully handed it to her, making sure it would not spill over.

”Have a sip,” he beckoned. ”It'll help.”

Yujia raised the cup to her lips, taking a slow but long sip. Just like Zixu said, it did help. The tea, which had gone from steaming hot to simply warm, reassured her.

”Thank you,” she murmured. To this, Zixu simply gave a quiet nod of his head.

”How do you feel now?” Zixu asked. ”Better?”

”Much better.” Yujia took a long sip of tea again. ”I'm… sorry about that.”

He glanced at her as he went back to his seat. ”Don't be sorry. It wasn't something within your control, so how could you ever be blamed for that? Furthermore, for some things perhaps occasionally in your control, like crying, isn't it all just a normal, human thing to do? We tend to hold them back, but are they not just a natural form of expression? There should be nothing wrong with any of that.”