481 476. Born Victor.txt (1/2)

She sinks as she is deformed.

And in this situation, she is ”laughing, happily.

”'Laughing'?　That too. And I didn't need that in the first place. It's none of my business.

Two of the increased arms reach out to nothing.

Bumping. I'm torn off again, and I can correctly identify her as ”amused and sneering” in this hellish situation.

A face that looks just like Helmina's is sneering, coming up to the tip of my nose and spewing resentment.

'Who needed such a right to know 'misery'?　If 'qualities' were the worst, you should have tricked me into thinking I was the best until I died. If you continued to deceive me, I would have been as peaceful as a slave, as free as dust (garbage), as fortunate as a water child, and I would have lived 'happily' in 'my world' -

She held a deep-seated grudge. She kept a grudge against Kanami-san and I from a thousand years ago until she died, when she said, ”I want to save you from your misfortune.

Even after death, that resentment swells redder and larger, and is no longer confined to me.

''Helmina-sama....... If you're going to be nice to me, I wanted you to be nice to the end. I said I was lonely when I was alone, so why leave me alone and 'happy'?　It's not fair that only one of us is going to 'hell' first....... If the destination is 'hell', I wanted you to take me with you ......!

Even Helmina-san, who should have been close to her, started to resent her.

Together, the arms on her back increased, and the strangling force increased.

If you looked closely, you could see that there were many tears in her deformed arms that looked like wounds, and everything was beginning to open up like her lips.

Her lips trembled one after the other, as she couldn't get this resentment out with just one mouth.

'Guru ....... Because of you, I know that I am a 'failure'. Why would you want me to leave 'my world'? ”From now on, I want you to live happily, laughing and 'happy' on earth (above) ......? 'Hmph, if you hadn't taken me out, I would have been amused, laughing and 'happy'! ”There was no way he could have known I was an unlucky, 'unfortunate' soul! ”That kind of salvation [is] never coming back! How did you end up on earth? 'Then it's like telling me to die!

Her crimson eyes never let go of their reflection on me the whole time.

She says ”Helmina-sama” and ”Guru-sama” with her mouth, but I can tell that it's also about you.

I've been looking for the first words to this many resentments for a long time.

We sink together, lost, and finally I, too, squeeze it out of his mouth.

'I wanted to save you ......, ......'

It's just that nothing is the same as it was a thousand years ago.

It was the only thing I could confidently say back.

'I wanted you to save me: ......!　That's not a lie!　They experiment on me every day, and I'm in pain and suffering!　I'm having a hard time with my experiments, too!　I felt like I knew how they felt, and I wished I could save them all!　Even if we didn't all want to be saved, we wanted to be saved!

”I wish ......? ”Then why didn't you try to save me from 'my world'? ”No, I didn't even see it.” ”Hey, why did you just wish?

............!

I can't blame her for the mouth.

She was right, I had never once looked seriously at the person I wanted to save.

I just pretended to be a fanatic and kept repeating ”save” and ”save”.

I felt like if I believed in God, that was all I needed to save someone.

If I kept looking for a savior, I felt like I was doing my best to do just that.

If I had spoken the word 'trial', I felt like that was the only thing that kept me moving forward.

Leaving it to others was easy (・・・・).

So I just touched around that I would be saved one day (...).

The girl who had been hurt by that carefree, lazy 'someday I'll be saved' was now in tears.

'You always did, didn't you? You only saw and talked about me in 'your world'. I had only 'my world' me, and yet ....... It was painful. No one else in 'my world' could see me in 'my world' .......

She continues to speak in my ear as she drags me in.

It's painful to listen to her, because I don't know who ”you” are, who ”I” am, and where the ”world” is.

But I desperately want to continue the conversation with her - and I want to keep it going.

'My World' is centered on Helmina ....... I was a kid and I didn't see anything else ....... Maybe because it was my first love--

'I was also a child, my first love, and Helmina Neysha... so why? 'There were three of you and all you did was look at Lady Helmina ...... and why didn't you find me?'

But the more I talk about it, the more I am reminded of my own 'unresolved issues'.

There were three people who were in that room that day.

All the time I pretended not to notice 'Hermina Neysha's feelings', including the girl in front of me now.

''Yes!　How could you not notice Helmina Neysha and leave her behind! 'How could you leave me? ”Why me! Me? ”Take me, take me, take me, take me--!

She shakes my head repeatedly, screaming at me with her arms and mouth.

As requested, I manage to ”look at her”.

But even though our faces were so close, we couldn't meet eye to eye.

Her two eyes weren't in focus at all.

Somewhat sickly eyes wander all over the place.

''............?!''

But the movement was just too familiar.

To me, it was a very familiar insanity--

'--Yes. What a (...), no need to pretend to have crazy feelings for me, just normal. I liked you, for real. Yeah, I had the usual feelings for you, you know. Kuhuhuh, hahaha'

I knew in the middle of the process because I was pretending (...) that I was going to be a manual madman, too. When I saw through it, the eyes that hadn't met met met. The crimson eyes also came into focus.

She's sane.

She calls herself crazy, but make no mistake, it's all about sanity.

However, the boundaries are very blurred. I thought the state of her was like Helmina-san herself on her deathbed.

That true 'blood-stealing' successor (...) is sane and controls his increased arms and mouth perfectly.

Just like the ”Blood Demon Beasts” we saw in the previous ”Past Vision”, they continue to speak somewhat like a researcher's contemplation, just like they asked themselves.

''Maybe it's okay, I'm also the first love. But why am I in love?'' 'Because you were the same person's disciple?　Because we studied at the same desk?' '-- No, because we were the same victim (Nakama).' 'My mind in ”my world” can only be known by being the same victim (・・・・・・・・) (・・・・・・・・・・). The perpetrator (Helmina) taught me that.' 'Even if it doesn't fit (・・・・・・・・), I like it (・・・・・). To me, the victim (you) was 'the person I want to be with for the rest of my life' ......'

”Oh, the same victims, are we ......?　Even if it's not right?

I'm sure you already know. ...... The two victims (we) and I, unlike the assailants (Helmina), were friends who were able to feel the happiness of being with someone they loved.

The 'happiness' you wish for is the same, and it's persuasive, strong, and strangled in a loving way.

It sounds like a modest wish.

”-- I just wanted to feel normal 'happiness' with my childhood friend in 'my world' --

If it were just words, they were exactly the same as the 'demons' of a thousand years ago.

However, the hands that strangled him proved that they were very different.

So, will you please come with me and be 'happy' in hell (...)?　It was always 'my world' and 'hell with you'.

Finally, I feel like I understand her a little better now.

There is nothing in her but hell (here). She does not know the other world. She does not know and does not desire to know. She does not seek. I don't want to be saved.

Her original nightmare is too thick for Kanami to give up trying to save her in her 'dream'.

'It's not possible ....... Hell, we can't be together. The 'world' that you and I ...... see is too different from each other. No one can be 'happy' in a place like this ......!

'I can be. Because I was very 'happy' to live in the same 'world' as you: ....... Huh, let's remember all those terrible experiments together, shall we?　We're both beautiful in our bodies now, but the emotional trauma will never go away. Really, it was a horrible way to die for both of us. ......

She removes one arm from my neck.

Then she starts pretending to open the page (...) in a sea of empty blood.

''The torture that was called an experiment was really laughably amusing, wasn't it? But we weren't allowed to go crazy with that 'demonization experiment'. We were given emotional support because of the importance of the crack in the spirit (mind). Because Helmina-sama gave us the only book (this one) that we could read ......, we were 'happy'. Hmmm, cooch'

In exactly the same way that I did when I was an agent of the Stealer of Blood.

The girl quotes the ”Scripture”.

My body is being defiled, manipulated, twisted and broken. But the teachings of the ”Scripture” saved my spirit (...). --Chapter 1, Verse 7: 'Trials are the result of hope and good fortune. It will surely leave you with proof that you have moved on to tomorrow. Thanks to that, I never gave up on tomorrow, but I was still sane.

Obviously, there was a 'price to pay'.

And her 'scripture' was more true than mine.

'Penetrating between the nails, being stripped clean, and slicing the flesh from the tip. The pain and suffering did not reach upwards, but disappeared below. Nevertheless, the teachings of the Scripture saved only my spirit (mind). --Chapter 2, verse 6 'Pain and suffering cannot reach the soul. Bitterness is a friend who joins hands and crosses over together.' Thanks to that, my broken spirit was rebuilt and I was still sane.

The more I compose, the more power I have to choke me.

It's so painful that my neck feels like it's going to twist off.

'My skin burned, scorched, melted and stuck. Arms and arms, thighs and thighs, never to be separated again. My body is being separated from the person. But the teachings of the Scripture have saved my spirit. --Chapter 13, verse 6: 'The beauty of flesh and skin is not a man, but the beauty of blood and soul is a man. The beauty of the blood and the soul is man.' Thanks to that, I was still sane that I was a man.'

She laughs with satisfaction at the sight of me.

The hands on her neck and the book loosened a bit.

'The flesh and blood that keeps chipping away. I am losing my humanity, becoming a monster and dying of heartbreak. But the teachings of the Scripture teach that only my spirit (mind) can be ......--Chapter 14, Verse 1: 'There is no such thing as a pure end for anyone. But no one has an unholy end either!'　The only thing that saved me was my mind!　Thanks to that, I am!　I died 'happy' in my sanity!　Ha, ha!　Phew!　Kufufufufu!''

He sneered, and for the first time, his gaze was diverted from me.

I've been reminded enough. So, as if to say, you're next, I stare at the edge of the red deep sea.

'Twelve thousand and four thousand two hundred and seventy-two letters!　I've been reading all these things for years and I've learned them all!　Everyone read and believed this 'scripture'!　And yet ......, and yet eventually!　In the end, God didn't help us ....... Even God just looked at me and smiled impossibly ....... Hey ......?　Guru, are you listening to me?

I came to the rescue of the person in the corner of my eye.

When I couldn't leave that alone, I interrupted my own fingers between the loose strangling hands and resisted.

'Nope, no ....... Kanami-san is ......, not God .......

''But he was pretending to be. You acted as if you were the 'God of Light' ...... and you still look like a god.

It is returned immediately.

The lips etched on her arm also follow the rebuttal.

''In other words, you're deceiving me.'' ''You're a bad guru. ''No, crazy guru-sama?'' ''Did you see the salvation efforts of guru-sama in the 'Blood Land'?'' ”I was reliving the lives of each of the deceased, trying to make them come true by showing them a 'dream'...

When it comes to Kanami, she said, there are plenty of curse words.

It's a good thing that you can't stop spewing out words from her mouth like a ”blood demon beast”.

It's a good thing that you're able to get a good laugh out of it, because it's not good at all. In the event you're not a fan of the company, you'll be able to get a good idea of what you're looking for. It's because he abandoned his parents, his daughter, his loved ones, and everything else, and with that guilt, he will continue to save the souls that cannot be saved forever. Why is it that our time is abandoned and everyone in the future is saved?' 'Our envy and curse will grow the more we save the future.' 'Therefore, let us continue to scream from 'hell' to the 'deepest' (there).' 'Help,' 'help,' 'help,' 'help,' The crazy guru is foolishly honest, so he will certainly continue to listen and torment you. This is exactly what the inferno is all about. But this is the sane desire of Oyasama. This is the continuation of the dream that Oyasama has. Hey, are you listening properly ......?　You're probably still hearing about it right now: ......!　I can't save you, I'm laughing merrily, and I can see the pained 'relieved' face of the guru!　Truly, a real God-like face!　The ”real” one!　Kuhu, kuhu, hahahahahahahahahahaha--!

Before I knew it, she was telling the whole story with one mouthful of her own, and she was laughing as hard as she could.

I'm not laughing at all.

It's because I also believe that Kanami-san will meet the end she's talking about.

Because that's the kind of person Kanami-san is. There's no doubt that she's still listening to me.

Until the nervous Kanami-san's spirit is broken, she is going to continue to spread this deep sea of blood and make you listen to her curse.

I won't let you do that ....... I won't let you do that ......!

Don't I?　Why?　Don't you think this is a fitting 'test' for Kanami-sama?　Your favorite 'trial' is now desired by Oyasama herself. That's why Oyasama has given me freedom. She even entrusted me with the magical stone of 'the one who steals the truth of blood'. --Well, you just want the more refined power of the 'Blood Stealer' anyway, don't you? He said that he's going to gather the power of the stronger demonic stones and go beyond the 'deepest'.

'I won't let you go beyond that, ......!　Let people who are suffering for free go to a more painful place!　That's just a madman's imitation!

'Yes, exactly. That's why I'm saying let's imitate the madman again. ...... Please, ”Neil”. Please, come back down to the same place as me. I'm lonely alone. I just don't feel safe falling alone. So, will you go crazy with me?　Shall we sing together?　I'll be Neysha and I'll be crazy too. Together, we can save 'our world' from a thousand years ago: ......?　Hey?　Mm-hmm, hey?

She invites me to join her, while imitating her 'Blood Stealer' predecessors.

As if to say that me and Helmina's wishes are the same, she mixes a lot of things into 'Our World (Hell Vermilion Hell)'.

I couldn't accept the melting, mixing and stewing - until I didn't know what and who was who anymore.

'Such ......, such a place (thing)!　What in the world can you possibly save?!

Well, you already know!　Because this is a 'dream' you had!　You and that murderer (woman) and I got along well together, like a child, and you 'dreamed' of human extinction: ....... So I was jealous and became a 'blood puppet'. ...... From now on, let's review the same 'dream' with me, shall we?　Now, all you have to do is break the lid of the guru (kanami) and fill the earth (above) with hell (here) too. Just like that, 'our world' will be saved: ......!　'Blood Land' makes everyone an equal victim and 'happy'!　In a world where there is neither above nor below ground, no one will suffer, no one will be sad, no one will be jealous, no one will be resentful!　This is the only way to save 'our world'!　You showed me how to do this!　It was you!

............!

Those crimson eyes were indeed 'dreaming' of the light of salvation.

I'm speechless, unable to accept that evil light.

The cleaners are not ...... crazy.

This is what happened because I was dragged into that pretense of 'crazy' and self-identification and kept abandoning her understanding.

Just as Ms. Seldra was screaming at the 99th layer earlier, against Snow Walker.

If you don't look away, it's all over the place.

If 'unhappiness' continues in a less fortunate environment, it's a biological instinct to paint it over with 'happiness' like she did. --You're going to be able to get a lot more out of it.

It's a good idea to be able to have a good idea of what you're looking for.

It's really a story that has happened many times, and I've had a lot of interventions .......

However, this time her less fortunate environment is this me--

”Oh, I'll ...... and you ......--

Fafner Helvirshine kept ranting and raving about it a thousand years ago - not only did it destroy her place in the world, but it left.

That responsibility is grabbing me by the leg and trying to drag me into the 'happiness' of 'I'll go to hell with you'.

She even has a 'dream' of 'let's all go to hell together'

--I finally know what she wants and how she really feels.

It's painful.

I want to give up everything and melt away and disappear, apologizing.

Right now, I want to kill myself with guilt.

'............. It's not (...). Still, I'm .......

But still.

That's why I summoned up all my strength and grabbed the book I kept in my pocket with one hand.

I have a strong spirit.

I let them know my purpose and my true feelings.

Just because we've been having a hard time ......, that's no reason to involve everyone here. It didn't have to be!　I've been living under the name of Hellville Shine to save people like Kanami, who didn't get rewarded for their hard work!

Save the ...... guru?　...... So, don't we save the souls (us) here?　Because we've been over this for a thousand years now?　So you're saying that some of these people didn't deserve to die?　That won't stop the vindictiveness forever, will it?　That's what you said. You can't save anyone forever if you end up saying it's over: ......!

Each of her words that she answers immediately was once me.

I can sympathize with her because I'm the one who pushed the 'ordeal' on my savior (Kanami-san) as if I were running away.

I know that.

But that's why--

”-- but it can still be over (・・・・・・)

Slowly I took out the ”Scripture” that I had grasped in my pocket.

It was different from the one she was reading, not an imaginary one, but a real one.

It was the last book I took out of Fania's 'Lowest Level' a thousand years ago.

A thousand years later, in The Lowest Layer of the Labyrinth, she rolls up that book.

The 'Scripture' that drove us crazy has more to come: ....... It is, for example - Chapter 17, verse 2: 'I am hated. I am hated. I am sure I will be cursed until I die'. And chapter 17, verse 3: 'Still, I want to hang on, and I want to face the sky and not give up, because I'm sure the people I know and love don't want to see me squatting.'

I added on.

Selfishly, Snow's words.

I felt like as long as I had this 'scripture' in my possession, I could say what I couldn't say.

'In chapter fifteen it also said...' -- 'It's good to be done (・・・・・・・), of course (・・・・・・・)'. It's not just for the dead, it's for the living, not the dead.

She had always been good at it.

However, when she heard that abrupt and poorly imitated voice, she was confused.

''What ......, how can there be such a continuation (thing) ......''

But I'm also a mouthful, and I'm losing her.

Even with just one mouth, I continue to represent the gospel of the Lord Ragne Kaikwola.

'Anyway, your story stinks,' she said, 'you're not lying, but are you hiding something important?' '...... If you're the victim, why don't you blame the perpetrators?　If you have a grudge, it's against Seldra and Lomis, but all you do is hold a grudge against the weak people just now. The only way to understand something is to become a victim, and the only way to understand it is to become a perpetrator.

Ragne rolls up.

It's quirky. I'm not sure if this is hell, but the closer you get to the top, the weaker she gets, the more lively she is in hell.

But this is a gospel that only I can hear.

The girl who is currently strangling me seems to have a hard time accepting this new ”respectful book”.

'It's ......, who's that?　Who are you?　Ka, give me back ....... My beloved, sweet, sad, pathetic childhood friend: ......!　I want my Neil back!

You've seen the insanity in me now.