232 230. First confession.txt (2/2)

So you're going to come back here and say you're willing to work for yourself: ......?

It sounds like the story makes sense. It also shows that it is an effective way to do it.

It may take some time, but if we are in a position to decide on the treatment of the Aids and the Apostles when we win the war against the North, our original goals of 'Interrogating the Aids' and 'Reclaiming Dia' will be easy to achieve.

However, it's too far off.

It's too uncharacteristic of Rastiara.

I thought so.

Rustyala accepted my suspicion and turned to the girls standing beside me.

...... Of course. Now, that's not the only reason I'm here.

Before I can question him, he tells me why.

This past year, many things have happened. It's partly because I can't keep up with everyone's strength anymore, but I also want to stay behind to protect these 'magic stone humans' (kazoku). ...... These children are like they were born because of me. ...... I think I have a responsibility to help them. And I also think it's a fight that only I can fight.

The girls blushed as Rustyala, the senior member of the 『Magic Stone Human (Jewelculus)』, looked at them. They were embarrassed with a mixture of gratitude and admiration on their faces.

Looking at their reactions, it was clear that there was a rather deep bond between these girls and Rustiala.

It's easy to imagine Rustyala rescuing the girls who would have been treated unfairly in this country. Over the past year, she would have been helping people like a hero.

Even if he fell behind against the ”Guardian (Id)”, ”Governing King (Lord)” and ”Apostle (Sith)”, there's no way Rastiara would have fallen behind if it was any other enemy. I can see him defending the 'Magic Stone Man (Jewelculus)' with his words and power, just like he did when he got rid of Feydert earlier.

A little - I'm beginning to understand what Rustyala is talking about.

In other words, he's talking about the right person in the right place.

Here, Rustiala can save a lot of people. It can also provide logistical support for Maria and the others. It's not wise to go up against an enemy that's too powerful and overpowered. That's why it's wise to leave an enemy that is too powerful to be left to those who can defeat it - there's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with that - but it's not wrong.

I don't want to admit that I'm not wrong, so I get confirmation.

'Is that really your intention ......?　You're not lying, are you?　Actually, it's not like the example tiara ceremony or anything weird, is it?

'Haha, nothing weird is going on, so don't worry. I'm here of my own volition. I mean, you don't have to look at me like that. I'm always here, and Kanami can come and see me whenever she wants, okay?　Why do you look like that?

That's right.

Nothing is a parting of the ways in this lifetime.

There's no room for rebuttal.

I looked at Sera-san behind me as if clinging to her, but she didn't say anything while her mouth was tied. As usual, she seems to be putting Lastiara first.

Ragne is the same. She doesn't seem to be willing to interrupt until she goes beyond her role.

''--......!

I feel a strange sense of urgency and a drop of sweat falls from my forehead.

If I don't say anything at this point, I'll proceed with the arrangements Rastiara has presented.

I would leave Rastiara here and head to the mainland.

And there is a part of me that doesn't want to admit to that arrangement.

Hey, are you sure you want to back down and go through with this ......?

--There's no way.

If you leave here, you'll regret it for sure.

My memories to this day confirm that.

...... Rastiara was a valued colleague.

And now that we've come to terms with it, it's become more than just an important companion.

If you remember, when I woke up in the labyrinth, it was Rastiara who I first met.

At that time, he saved me when I was dying. It was also thanks to Rastiara that I was able to ”level up” for the first time.

I soon met Rastiara again and started exploring with him. When I was at a low level, the existence of my friends was reassuring. Even though there was a little bit of fear, we were more than a little bit on the same page. When exploring the labyrinth, there was no companion more suitable for me than her.

And she helped me a lot in the labyrinth.

Since we made a 'contract', I also did a lot of fun things with Rustyala. We went to festivals together, played together, ate and dined together, and talked about many things. It wasn't just Rastiala; I had fun too. For the first time in another world, I was having fun.

That's why I went to help Rastiala when he returned to the cathedral, even though I had the ”?” skill. ?” skill, I went in to help.

That's right.

I'm going to have to do whatever I can to help.

And then, when I lost my memory, I got my memory back, thanks to the match with Rastiara. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be lost in Lauravia.

I can vividly remember life on the boat to the mainland.

We would try out the boat and hug each other, blushing. Practicing magic together. Come to think of it, we even kissed each other's mouths in the labyrinth, even though we were trying to save lives. Just remembering this still makes my heart beat loudly.

If it weren't for my ego, I'm sure that Rustyala would have felt the same way I did.

However, the feelings I had at that time were lost with the second skill, ”??”. It's not a good idea. But now it's different. I'm going to use the ”? I have sublimated the ”?” into the ”Deepest Pledge (Di Cavernator)” and returned.

Now that I've saved up my feelings for Rastiara twice, my heart is burning three times as much as an ordinary person's.

And I'm already aware of the true nature of those feelings.

It's not her strength that I want Rastiara to follow me.

It's a different reason.

I already knew that before I fought Palinkron that day. That's why I promised Rastiara that day that I would come back to tell her of my feelings.

Ah, that's right--!

I've been waiting for this day, this time, this timing, for so long!

I get up from my chair.

Then, like 'chanting', I expose all of my mind and spin the words--!

...... and yet!　But I still want you to come with me!

What?

Rastiara was surprised by my sudden cry.

There's no need to embellish my words.

I know I'm being self-serving, which is why I can only shout it in a straightforward manner.

'Come with me!　Even if you don't think you're special, you're already special to me!　I've enjoyed my time traveling with you!　I vividly remember having a great, great deal of fun!　That's why I want to travel with you!　I want to be with you forever and ever!　Because I--!

I substitute words for everything I've been meaning to tell them since this morning.

I know that the people around me are surprised by my sudden, raspy voice. If it was me in the past, I would have stepped back, looking at the situation and the expression on their faces.

But that's not the case anymore.

There's no way I'm going to stop.

My heart skipped a beat and my whole body was hot.

It's unbearably hot, but an icy anxiety is crawling up my spine.

You can feel the excitement and fear intertwined in the first challenge of your life.

I feel like I'm going to be paralyzed, even now.

But with every ounce of strength you can muster, you shake off the cowering feeling.

If it were this level of fear, I would have overcome it many times.

I'm not going to be able to get it right.

--You can 'confess' to Rastiara!

I am!　Because I love you!

I love you and I want you to stay with me.

Yes, I said clearly.

Rustyala's mouth dropped open in surprise.

It was only natural. I explained so intelligently why I couldn't accompany you, but what came back was an emotional confession.

It was also a too straightforward confession with no thought of frills or moods.

It's a good thing that you're not going to be able to get a good deal more than you think.

The skin that had been crystal clear and white a moment ago is now covered with hot blood.

Rastiara restlessly swept her eyes to the right and left, her body trembling. You can see that she is giddy with her thoughts.

However, she quickly fixed both her eyes and her body and stared back into my eyes.

'...... Ho, really (...)?'

And then, shaking a little, I ask back with a pout.

Like a small animal, he questions the truth of my words with confidence.

Really, because--?

Are you saying these thoughts are fake?

That's not all!　It can't be true--!

'Oh, it's so obvious!　Aikawa Uzumi likes a girl named Rustyala (・・・・・・) Foozeyers!　So, y'know, y'know, this is how I'm asking you out!

I repeat, I confess.

There's no turning back now.

But I think I've made the best choice I can make right now.

Unlike one day, I didn't cheat myself or put it off.

If I hadn't been able to confess today, I might not have gotten the chance to do it again. I think I would have gracefully expressed my feelings at the perfect time.

So I have no regrets about the answer I received.

There is no way to regret.

I thought so, but...

----!

After the second confession, Rustyala's expression changed.

However, the look didn't fit any of my predictions.

It was a face I had never seen before (・・・・・・・・・・) (・・・・).

His mouth seemed to be loose and happy, and his eyebrows seemed to be secretly sad.

But only his eyes were sharp - staring at me.

I can clearly sense what lies behind those golden eyes. It's an overflowing emotion that can't be hidden.

It's neither joy nor sadness.

It's the kind of emotion that falls under the category of ”anger” if you separate joy, anger and sorrow.

--I'm not going to be able to get rid of it.

I was puzzled.

It was an unpredictable reaction.

And then, at the end of it all, Rustiala lowers her eyes and returns the answer to her confession.

Very simply.

Clearly.

I answer.

''--But I don't like Aikawa Uzumi (・・・・・・・・・), I guess (...)

What came back was a 'no' -

This one too was a straightforward 'refusal' without embellishment.

Rustyala was angered by my heartfelt 'confession' - and then she rejected it.

I couldn't understand the sequence of events, but I couldn't keep up with it.

The furious expression on my face cracked and I was forced to let out a pitiful voice.

''What, what--?''

With me, who has not caught up with my understanding, Rustyala explains the reason for this in a matter-of-fact manner while raising her eyes, which had been downcast. ...... with a slightly angry voice.

''I'm not lying. I hate Uzurinami for leaving us that day. I didn't say anything weird, did I?

I can't say anything back.

A year ago I declared that I would come back after winning the Palinkron, but in the end I couldn't leave.

Rastiara should be saying something very reasonable ......, but his words don't fall well on my ears.

I didn't even know what I was looking at right now.

I made up my mind that I wouldn't regret whatever answer I got, but I couldn't move my mouth properly and could only stiffen.

Stealthily, I felt a sense of emptiness, as if the flesh of my chest had been gouged out.

Thanks to the sensation I'm used to, I can immediately tell it's the effect of a mental shock.

I just can't handle ...... it well, even though I should be used to it.

And it's easy to see why.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I must have thought that Rustyala would not have refused to confess.

Arrogantly and unilaterally, I had hoped that even after a year had passed, our heart connection would still be there. He had the ...... naive idea that Lastiara would definitely take his outstretched hand. I hadn't properly understood the weight of the battle a year ago.

He was stunned by the shock, as if a hole had been created in his body and mind. And when I don't say anything back, Rustyala gives me an alternative.

'...... I can't, but you can take one of the different successes (girlfriends) with you. There are plenty of girls out there that look like me.

I manage to tell Rustyala, who is trying to prepare a replacement, with a shiver in my throat that it's not possible.

'Yeah, it's not ......!　That's not what I'm talking about!　You know what I mean!　It would have to be you, of course!　I want to be here with you!

'But the other kids and I aren't much different. ...... And besides, I'm not as nice as Kanami thinks I am. For a long time I only saw Kanami as the main character of a book. I never saw Kanami herself. I just saw her as one of the main characters in one of the many books ....... So if I got bored with the book (the story), I'd throw it away immediately. That's just the kind of guy I am.

While explaining why, Rustyala's expression changes.

Little by little, it goes from an angry expression back to a smile, and finally, a fragile smile--

'I'm sure that me and Kanami's books are now separate books. That's all. So that 'deal' is over.

Even the 'contract' we shouted at each other in the cathedral is terminated.

The connection that existed between me and Rustyala is severed and we are told that we are walking on a different path.

'Oh, the end--?'

The confusion in my head accelerated with that sudden and merciless pronouncement.

Rastiara's 'refusal' had precisely destroyed my support, and I had nothing more to fall back on. I didn't know how to resist this reality anymore.

Maybe it's because I'm not in combat: ....... I can't get my head around it well.

This time, it's not just a matter of keeping your thoughts strong. It's not that you shouldn't give up. So I don't know what the solution is.

I can't find a way out, but my heart just gets colder and colder to no end. My breathing gets shallower and shallower. Disgusting sweat continues to flow from my palms. I feel like scratching my throat.

I don't know why, but it makes me want to die so badly. I want to jump. I want to disappear.

People I love tell me they hate me.

It just makes the world so - and so much darker - ......

Good luck with your fight against the Guardian (Guardian) Aide and the Apostle Sith: ...... Good luck, Kanami. I'm here to support you. So go to .......

The world has become dark and very far away, but I can only hear Rustyala's voice.

'Goodbye (・・・・・・).'

The only word I heard clearly was 'farewell'.

It was the word 'refusal' followed by 'farewell'.

I felt like my heart was being cut to the core.

This is how my 'confession' ended, and Rustyala's response to it also ended.

Seeing me standing there, Rustyala says there is nothing more to say to me and tries to leave.

I can't stop her.

Rustyala said to the girls next to me, ”Make sure you have your guests' patience. Also, please show them the way home,” she says to Sera, ”Give Kanami and the others permission to use the ship in Gliard. Also, make them a letter of introduction,” he said, and I heard his words, but I couldn't stop him. I can only watch the situation progress.

And as I let the situation drift away, I'm slowly coming to grips with it.

That I had confessed to Rastiara for the first time in my life and had been successfully rejected.

That what might have been my first love - that it had been crushed.

As I watch the darkened world move on, I understand that reality - ......